Standing on the edge of my fear
by pitterpat87
Summary: When Naomi left for Cyprus she returned to find a goodbye letter from Emily. Several years on they start chatting on a dating site, not knowing who the other is...
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_Dearest Naoms,_

_I just couldn't keep the secret to myself any longer. Not "our" secret, but the secret of my true identity that has recently started to consume my entire existence. I finally plucked up the courage to tell my parents I was gay during a Fitch family dinner but I conveniently left you out of it. That was until Katie stuck her fucking nose into the conversation and accused you of "gaying me up." She told my parents all about our kiss in secondary school and on the bouncy castle at Panda's party - I had no idea she even saw us. My excuse for both those kisses being MDMA induced has had its day apparently. I don't know if my parents were more shocked about me being gay or the fact that shy and sweet, reserved little Emily had taken drugs and was so rebellious. It is thanks to these revelations that my mother thinks it would be best for the whole family to make a fresh start away from Bristol where she can 'straighten me out' without anyone influencing me and encouraging me to be so 'rebellious'. She would think I was a fucking saint if she knew half the things dear old Katiekins gets up to. _

_I know we weren't on the best of terms when you left for Cyprus but please don't think that I stopped loving you. That's right love, I fucking love you and I would tell you every day if I could. We enter relationships as somebody and leave them as nobody but I don't want to be a nobody to you. You will never be a nobody to me, you will always be the one who gave me the power to become my own person and step out of Katie's shadow even if it was only for the briefest of moments. I have to believe that one day we will meet again; hopefully when those walls you've spent years building have been diminished to rubble and my parents and beloved sister can accept me for who I am. Until then we have to say goodbye. You will always be in my heart Naoms._

_Love always, Ems xxx_


	2. No looking back

**So this is the first chapter. Thanks very much for the reviews so far. Enjoy...**

The blonde sat nervously in the restaurant waiting for her 'other half' to arrive. She had spent the last 24 hours rehearsing the speech that she was going to deliver to her devoted girlfriend. Naomi cracked open the bottle of wine that had found its way to her table, and immediately broke her promise to herself that she wouldn't drink at least until she told Lisa how she felt.

"Fuck it, dutch courage," she muttered to herself as the she poured the red liquid into her rather large wine glass. Naomi started to sip from her glass slowly, peering over the edge of it to observe the people all around her, the majority of which were loved up couples. Not that you would expect anything less with it being a Valentines night. Rose petals where scattered on pretty much every table with candles providing the restaurant with their main source of lighting.

'_Bet the owner loves this, a chance for him to save on fucking electricity bills,' _Naomi thought bitterly. She fixated her eyes on the door, where she kept them for the next five minutes until she saw the unmistakeable jet, black hair of her girlfriend. The waiter pointed over towards Naomi, who stood up to greet Lisa with a peck on her cheek.

"Pour one for me hun?" Naomi immediately poured a glass of Red and passed it across the table.

"I've ordered for us already so the starter should be here anytime soon."

Lisa smiled at her girlfriends effort, knowing that Naomi hated these corporate holidays, stating that they're just a way for card companies to rip people off and for restaurants to just exploit people.

"Thanks hun, I know you hate stuff like this but it is just for one night."

Naomi nodded whilst taking large gulps of her wine. Both women engaged in small talk whilst they waited for their starter. Mainly about how both their days were with Lisa complaining again about how her boss wont take her ideas seriously and how her car broke down _again, _hence why she was late for their date. Naomi's eyes glazed over as Lisa continued with her rambling, but she was brought out of her daze when fingers were clicked in front of her face, a habit that Naomi was started to find irritating.

"What?" she snapped.

"I said how's Effy? Has she sorted that business out with James and his new lady friend yet?"

"She's fine. Well as fine as can be expected being an ex wife of James Cook. He does take liberties sometimes but I think they are slowly coming to some sort of understanding."

Lisa took Naomi's hand, mistaking her abruptness for worry over Effy's situation.

"Its not your problem hun, don't let _their _problems drag you down." Naomi snatched her hand away from Lisa's firm grasp.

"Listen, _hun. Effy's_ problem is my problem, got that?" Naomi folded her napkin onto her lap indicating the end of their conversation. She didn't look up knowing that she would just see the hurt residing in Lisa's eyes and no doubt she would pout, another habit that Naomi was starting to find irritating.

Naomi decided to break the silence after several long minutes. "I'm sorry okay, its just a sensitive issue at the moment," she braved a look at Lisa but instead of seeing the expected hurt she just saw anger blazing in her eyes. "Lets just get on with the evening okay, no Effy, no Cook, just us." She reached over the table to grab her girlfriend's hand in an attempt to pacify her, and apart from her flinching slightly the minute Naomi touched her hand, the plan seemed to work.

Conversation had diminished slightly after Naomi's outburst, so both were relieved when their starter arrived and they could both occupy themselves with their soup.

"You know I don't like tomato soup. Oh and Naomi and this wine is just awful."

Naomi took several breaths in an attempt to compose herself before reacting to Lisa's put downs.

"Stop being pissy Lisa and eat your fucking soup."

"Right what's wrong with you? Ever since I mentioned Effy you've been a right stroppy cow. Are you in love with her Naomi? Is that it?"

Naomi slammed her spoon down on the table. She couldn't believe she was in this situation _again_. Nearly every one of her relationships had ended because they mistook her love for Effy as a best friend, for true love, which couldn't be further from the truth.

"For fucks _sake_ Lisa, she's like my fucking sister."

"You tell yourself that Naomi."

"I think we should break up." Naomi had planned to be more tactful and sensitive with her speech but fuck tactful. She knew deep down that Lisa had hated Effy the moment she laid eyes on her so it made what she was saying much easier.

"_WHAT_? What the fuck Naomi, one disagreement and you run."

Naomi shook her head. "Its not just that, I've been thinking it for a while now, I'm sorry I just threw this at you but..."

"Wait just a minute, you had this fucking planned. You heartless fucking bitch."

Before Naomi could argue her case, Lisa stood next to her now ex-girlfriend and emptied her full bowl of soup onto Naomi's head, leaving it to trickle down her face.

"What the fuck.."

"Oh I'm so sorry darling, I don't know what came over me. Allow me to cool you down." Her ex threw the remainder of her wine onto Naomi's face and her crisp white shirt, that she knew was Effy's.

Naomi closed her eyes before she was blinded by the soup and felt around her lap for her napkin. She could hear Lisa's heels clipping the floor and relief washed through her as the sound seemed to be growing more distant with each step she took.

"Are you alright Miss?"

Naomi couldn't believe the absurdity of the question. She was clearly not okay, hot tomato soup pouring down her face and a red wine stain on her best friends top, but she bit her tongue. The young lad was only trying to be helpful.

"Could I have the bill please?"

"Certainly madam."

She made her way to the cash desk once she had received her bill, and ignored the whispers and stares as she walked out of the restaurant that she definitely wouldn't be visiting anytime soon.

When she got into the taxi for her ride home, Naomi just wanted to sit in silence and be left with her own thoughts, but instead found herself making the usual chat with the taxi driver about what time he finished and how he had all of the drunks to look forward to later on in the evening. It may have been day but it was also a Saturday night. The blonde managed to avoid the drivers question about her current attire and wished him a good night as he pulled up to her house.

The lights were still on that meant Effy was still up, no doubt wanting to hear how her night of 'romance' had turned out. Upon walking through the front door, she was greeted with the smell of Effy's famous Spaghetti Bolognese reminding her that she hadn't actually got round to eating.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Effy got up from the sofa and approached Naomi who waved her away before her emotions could get the better of her.

"Oh you know, the usual. We broke up and dearest Lisa didn't take it so well, but I'll be fine."

She let out a dry chuckle, but it didn't fool Effy. She knew Naomi well enough by now to know when she wasn't fine. Ever since she returned from Cyprus all those years ago to find a letter from Emily placed on her door mat, she had been broken and no relationship since had been able to fix her. Naomi gave the relationships her best shot but in the end she would always find some excuse to break up and be alone once again. However, most of the time they weren't excuses. Her girlfriends didn't understand her relationship with Effy, how they could live together and be so affectionate towards each other, when Naomi herself wasn't overly affectionate with her partner at the time. It just took her a while to open up. It had taken Effy over five years before Naomi was truly herself around the brunette.

"Nai, its okay to hurt you know. I know you didn't love her I could tell that much, and her sneaky fucking put downs were mildly irritating. But I know you just want to be loved Naomi."

Naomi started to sob so Effy took it as her cue to take her best friend into her arms and lead her to the sofa where they sat in silence for over ten minutes, Naomi with her head in Effy's lap whilst she idly

stroked strands of Naomi's hair which seemed to relax her.

"What's wrong with me Eff? Its like she took my heart with her when she left. And that fucking letter haunts me every day."

Effy didn't need to ask who 'she' was or which letter she was on about. The 'she' was of course Emily and she knew about the letter, she had seen the envelope peeping out from underneath Naomi's pillow numerous times, including tonight.

"Go and get it."

"What?" Naomi lifted her head up and looked into the blue eyes that very much resembled her own.

"The letter. Its time to put it in the past. Go. Oh and Naomi, have a shower first because you smell of something and it ain't roses." She winked at the blonde who gave a genuine laugh and left to follow Effy's vague orders.

She returned to the living room to find Effy sitting in front of a blazing, hot fire.

"What's this about?"

Her question was met with silence, which was usually expected when you were talking to Effy. They let the silence envelope them, the heat from the fire burning their faces. Once Naomi had taken a seat next to her on the rug, Effy broke the tense silence.

"Burn it."

Naomi whipped her head around not believing what she was hearing.

"What?"

"You have to stop torturing yourself Naomi. Its been _seven_ years since you got that letter. You need to let go of the past. She's not coming back."

Effy had tiptoed around the issue for the past seven years, but the time had come for her to be brutally honest with her friend, for the sake of her sanity. If Naomi had _her_ way she would be torturing herself until her dying day, just by simply keeping that letter.

"Don't make me do this Eff."

"I'm not going to make you do anything. You know me."

"Damn you and your fucking cryptic ways."

She threw the envelope into the waiting fire and the both watched until it slowly turned into ash. Effy held on to Naomi, once again stroking her hair as she sobbed into her shoulder, watching her past literally go up in flames.

"Its time for a new beginning Nai. No looking back."

She could feel the blonde nod against her chest and she just knew that Naomi would make it through.


	3. Garibaldi Queen

**Thankyou ALL so much for all your feedback, I really love reading your reviews. Also thanks for the story alerts etc. I wasn't sure how this story would be received but so far so good I hope. **

**Nikinak13: No Emily as of yet but never fear, she will be making a grand appearance soon**

**EllieTimmers: You never know with Effy ;-)**

**I am in work pretty much everyday next week so not sure when I will be next updating but I will be scribbling my ideas down with any spare time I have. Anyhow on with the story...**

After several hours of chatting about the past over a bottle of vodka (both of them shuddering at the thought of wine), the two women headed to Naomi's room before they had a chance to devour another bottle. Effy remained lying next to Naomi who had passed out in a drunken stupor, knowing that her friend would need the comfort of someone just being there. It was only until she heard the unmistakeable snores emitting from her best friend that she deemed it safe to leave her alone, but not without knowing that she would be there first thing if Naomi needed her to be.

Naomi's eyes remained tightly closed for what felt like hours after she had first woken up. Even though her eyes where closed, she knew Effy had stood by her door checking up on her every now and again due to the floorboard that squeaked every time she passed by her room. She didn't want to open her eyes to the stark reality that less than 12 hours ago she had finally let go of her past. She had clung onto the hope that her and Emily would actually meet again like she had said in the letter, but since burning it, Naomi couldn't help but feel a huge sense of loss.

She took advantage of her lie in by casting her mind back to the day when she returned home to find that letter on her doormat. She had torn it open immediately upon recognising the tidy handwriting and after reading the content, raced straight over to the Fitches house. She expected Emily to greet her at the door and fall into her arms and actually hear her say she loved her in person rather than see it written in pen. She only stopped running when she felt a sharp stitch in her side. Continuing with a light jog, she abruptly came to a halt when she saw the familiar house of the Fitches, standing exactly as she remembered it before she left for Cyprus. The only difference being a 'Sold' sign perched in the front garden. She could almost hear her heart beating frantically and her breathing had started to become unsteady, accompanying the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. She walked cautiously over to the window and peered in to see the living room completely bare apart from the dust that had started to settle everywhere. It was that day that a part of her died and also the day that Effy returned from Italy with news that would change both their lives, although they didn't realise how much at the time.

It was only when the smell of biscuits reached her senses that Naomi was broken from the memory and her eyes shot open to reveal a grinning Effy crouched down to her level. She immediately grabbed the plate of Garibaldis before Effy could withdraw them which was her usual trick to coax Naomi out of her bed, also referred to as her pit.

"Bitch, knew you were awake," Effy smirked. She perched herself on the edge of the bed, casually sipping her coffee. "Don't know how you can eat Garibaldi's for breakfast, especially after a night of drinking," she shuddered.

"The breakfast of champions," she winked at her thoughtful companion who gave a gentle laugh.

"How you feeling today then?"

Naomi cringed at the thought of her break down, hating how weak and vulnerable she made herself seem. Effy naturally sensed her discomfort and assured her that it would stay between the two of them. They continued with their heart to heart from the previous night which consisted of Naomi worrying that she wouldn't be able to move on despite burning the last remnant of her 'Fitch past' and Effy insisting that it would just take time. The subject managed to turn around so that Effy was in the spotlight denying that she still had feelings for her soon to be ex husband.

"Come on Eff, I can see it in your eyes every time the tosser says he's seeing that tramp."

"Now, now Naomi play nice."

"What? He may be one of my best friends but it doesn't excuse the fact that he cheated on you with a fucking whore."

An awkward silence enveloped the room; neither girls had mentioned Cook's infidelity since it happened just mere weeks ago. Although they hadn't made it official, it kind of became a silent pact between them which they had avoided until now.

"Jeremy Kyle not on?"

Naomi breathed a sigh of relief when Effy broke the tension but still raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

"It's a Sunday Eff and I can't believe you watch that shite."

"It makes me feel better about my own life so sue me. And anyway this is no better, fucking 'Daily Politics.' "

"Fine, if you don't want to know what's going on in our country turn it over, get your Coronation Street fix. Omnibus is on."

Effy smirked knowing all along she would win the battle for control of the remote. "You know, you say you hate it but you seem to know what time it's on, and you know you want to see what happens to Gail just as much as I do." Goading Naomi had become one of her favourite past times of late.

Naomi rolled her eyes, determined not to rise to the bait that seemed to be permanently dangling in front of her every Sunday morning. "Right on that note I'm heading for a shower."

"Hmm interesting.."

Naomi paused, "What is?"

"You go to the bathroom just as the ad break comes on," Effy paused, taking pleasure in watching Naomi squirm, "You sure your not as much as a soap addict as me?"

She could almost see the cogs working overtime in Naomi's brain. Part of her wanting to shower whilst the other conflicting part of her wanted to sit the ad break out just to get one over on her smug friend. The latter won the internal debate.

"Fucking fine, I hate you sometimes Effy Stonem."

The room was once again filled with silence when Effy muted the television after "the annoying fucking hobbit with the overly large moustache" started singing Go Compare. "I would _not_ go for my car insurance there incase they send me a complimentary CD with the fucking song on."

The tv remained muted for the next advert, "We buy any car' my arse they wouldn't take that fucking heap parked in our driveway would they?"

"Full of the joys of spring today aren't we Eff?"

"Its not Spring," she snapped.

Naomi knew that she was responsible for Effy's foul, shitty mood ever since she mentioned Cook. She may not have voiced it aloud, but Naomi knew that Effy still wanted and needed Cook in her life. It wasn't as though their split had been pre-meditated, his cheating had come completely out of the blue. Unable to stand the underlying tension anymore, Naomi left Effy to bitch about the adverts to herself and took a well needed shower. They had almost become therapeutic for her, as though she was washing away her past, allowing it to roll off her body and miraculously escape through the plug hole that was clogged with blonde and brunette locks.

She entered her now empty bedroom feeling surprisingly rejuvenated. That rejuvenated feeling dissipated almost as soon as it arrived when she remembered why she had an empty bedroom. She was cursing herself for her big mouth that seemed to have a bad case of word vomit. Why did she have to go and break their secret pact about not mentioning Cook or his 'whore' just after Effy had spent practically all night consoling her over a piece of paper that she had gotten all those years ago.

"Fuck!"

Effy didn't return until late afternoon and she was welcomed back with a less than impressed Naomi. Effy acted oblivious to Naomi's mood as she always did which only infuriated the blonde even further.

"So. Been online lately?"

Effy shook her head but couldn't help releasing a smirk that had been threatening to grace her features the minute she walked through the front door.

"Okay then well care to tell me why I have been winked at and flirted with today?"

"You have Nai well that's great, just what you need. Who is she?" Effy continued to play the oblivious card.

"Oh not just one, three of them. First one called 'Russianbluecatlady5,' 'sxybutdim' and finally one called 'wanna_spank_me' "

"Strange names, but seriously what do you think?"

"Oh so you do know what I'm on about then? They fucking filled my email inbox."

"Come on you need to get back into circulation since…"

"Its been one fucking day," Naomi ranted.

"Seven years actually."

Naomi sighed, she _was_ in actual fact referring to her relationship with 'psycho bitch Lisa,' as Effy fondly name her. She wasn't referring to the relationship she'd practically had with _that _letter. Unable to control herself any longer Naomi burst into fits of laughter which became instantly contagious. Their laughter followed them all the way to Naomi's bedroom where both women found themselves emmersed in random profiles, searching for the 'perfect match' against Naomi's better judgement.

"Hobbies include…. Eurgh is that even allowed on this site?"

Effy chuckled, "It is an adult site Nai."

Naomi hesitated before clicking on the next profile. "Its not really me this is it Eff?"

"No you're right," Effy paused stopping Naomi just as she brought the cursor to close the window, "Although wouldn't hurt to create your personal ad would it? You dont even have to meet anyone, you can just say your only interested in chat."

She continued ignoring the mortified expression she was receiving.

"Go on I'll make one as well. We'll see who can pull the fittest. Plus I could do with getting over James and his 'fucking whore' "

She inwardly smiled when she got the reaction she was hoping for: a very apologetic Naomi who eventually let Effy to have her way purely out of guilt.

"That shouldn't be allowed you know, that manipulation," Naomi commented whilst attempting to wrestle with Effy over the laptop, "And what's worse is Bethany does the same and I can't fucking resist it."

"What can I say? We are both irresistible_. _Now get on with that description while I start the Sunday dinner."

Naomi smiled to herself. When she first met Effy she would never have picked her to change into the domestic type. Ever since Cook left she had become even more domestic around the house to occupy her mind seeing as she didn't have a full time job. She knew it was only a matter of time before Effy would spot the hair in the plug hole and shriek in disgust before bleaching the entire bathroom because of a few stray hairs.

The blank screen stared back at Naomi, her fingers still hovering over the keyboard as they had been for the past half an hour. That soon changed when Effy flounced into her room and took over, typing away rapidly.

"What the fuck are you putting Effy and don't you dare put a picture of me up!"

"Calm down. I'm just putting up the basics. You're a fierce friend and amazing godmother to your best friend's equally amazing daughter, Bethany."

"Dont put her name please, I want to be completely anonymous."

Effy shook her head but agreed anyway, "Fine. Anyway as I was saying. You're currently at uni part time studying to be a social worker, and like a typical student, you never say no to a good old party. Also despite what your username suggests, you arent really a Garibaldi Queen. If they want to know anything else they'll get in touch, photo or no photo."

She was slightly surprised at how seriously Effy was taking her personal ad, almost expecting her to put her a across as desperate and horny like the majority of profiles they had stumbled across.

"Right thanks Eff. Now if you'll excuse me," she waved Effy away from her bed whilst opening a word document, "I have a dissertation to prepare for."

She knew she was alone without having to turn around as she heard the usual creak of the floorboard. After minimising the word document, she resumed browsing the numerous profiles of users who had winked at her since they'd seen her online status. Had she bothered to look over her shoulder, she would have noticed Effy grinning widely in the doorway. She knew Naomi couldn't resist.


	4. Twin bonding and David Beckham

**Hi, thank you for all of the reviews, alerts etc. It really is motivation to continue writing the story. I am not entirely happy with this chapter, its been rewritten so many times from both girls point of view but I thought it was time we had a glimpse of Emily. Thanks for reading x **

_She was there, back in the coolness of the woods with twigs and bark lying on the ground beneath her, the lake glistening under the moonlight.._

"_Do you want to do Blowbacks?" Emily was blowing on the end of a freshly, lit spliff, offering one end of it to a teenage Naomi, who started walking away, leaving her to wake up on a blanket in the middle of the woods, alone._

"_I know you're lonely Naomi so be brave and want me back." Naomi carried on walking, ignoring the pleading voice that was shouting the unveiling truth that she had so far avoided since starting at Roundview. _

_She carried on walking until she reached a white door with a small cat flap placed in the left hand corner. Emily found herself on the other side of that door, listening to a heartbroken Naomi confess all to her in a moment that she would cherish forever as the moment she managed to get a glimpse of the real Naomi Campbell she had always known existed. _

"_When I'm with you, I feel like a better person, I feel happier, less….alone."_

_Her front door materialised into her locker door which she closed gently, listening to the girl of her dreams telling her she was going away for the summer to Cyprus. Emily uttered three words that caused Naomi turn around and lock lips with the surprised red head. Literally in the blink of an eye, the corridor evaporated into a familiar bedroom where she was tearfully telling Naomi she wasn't her 'fucking experiment.' Afternoon of love making over and she was sat in the kitchen of her old Bristol house, shouting the truth of her identity to unwilling ears as her mother spoke over her informing the family they were leaving to straighten Emily out, never to see 'that girl' again._

_She stood from afar, watching 'that girl' walk away from the yellow door, pushing a pram, occasionally stopping to peer under the hood. Emily started to blink furiously, willing away the tears that had already started to roll down her cheeks, blurring her vision. _

"_She doesn't need this Emily, she's moved on, she's happy."_

"_And the baby? Whose the dad?"_

"_Cook."_

"_Cook? What the fuck?" she stared back into the emotionless eyes of the person who had just broke her by simply telling her Naomi had moved on._

"_Go, she won't want to see you Emily."_

_The space around her dissolved, the voices which were now merging into one became louder with each word, as she started to wake from a restless sleep._

"Shit!"

The young woman shot up in her bed, forcing the covers off her body in the process, perspiration already visible on her scantily clad form. The flashbacks were starting to become a regular occurrence, usually happening when she was at her most vulnerable. She had given up trying to avoid her nightly terrors after visiting the doctor who simply said she was 'rundown.' After all his years of medical training that was the best he could come up with. He was almost as useful as the doctor who pretended to listen to her and JJ whilst writing out a prescription for STUN tablets. When she first experienced her night terrors, she had confided in her twin who just scoffed and told her to stop being a pathetic loser. There are some things that time can't change, and Katie Fitch being a total bitch was one of them. The only thing that had altered slightly over the years was her fasions sense. Gone were the leopard print dresses and ridiculously short skirts to be replaced by evening dresses and diamond necklaces.

"_Its all about the image Emsy," she informed her younger sister after she questioned her about her new look. "If mum wants this wedding business to take off then we have to look like royalty rather than cheap hookers. We're classy, Em, not brassy."_

Emily sighed when she noticed the time on her clock displayed 3 am. Deciding not to mope in bed dwelling on her flashback dreams, she padded over to the fridge where she found an ice, cold bottle of water waiting for her. She brought the bottle to her lips as Katie stumbled through the front door looking slightly dishevelled with what she could only describe as a David Beckham impersonator, the typical Katie type - ripped muscles, tattoo sleeve, pierced ears - the resemblance was uncanny. No matter how much Katie would like to think she had changed, her overwhelming desire to be a wag would never leave her.

"Emsy!" Katie staggered over to her twin, arms wide open, pulling Emily in for a bone crushing hug. "Is that water for me? You're so fucking considerate," she slurred whilst snatching the bottle despite her twins protests, "Isn't she considerate babe?"

She turned her attention to 'Beckham' stood in the doorway who merely grunted and asked in no uncertain terms, if they could get down to business. Emily assumed that the not-so-subtle code was used for her benefit. Since her relationship breakdown, Katie had insisted her twin needed her in her life 24/7 and moved her and all of her endless crap into the spare room much to Emily's dismay. It hurt her to think that just a few months ago it was an immaculate marital abode whereas now it was slowly turning into a brothel. She had grown used to Katie's random shags which always ended in tears - literally. Emily was prepared for the backlash in the morning with Katie tearfully regretful and wondering why the guy left without so much as a backward glance. She would always tell her twin to not make herself readily available but it would fall on deaf ears, with both women reliving the ordeal every week.

The relationship between the twins hadn't changed drastically over the years. Emily was still Katie's faithful servant, and even dyed her hair to chocolate brown on Katie's request. "_That way we'll be identical and guys love a twin thing. Its fucking hot."_

When the Fitches left Bristol for Liverpool, the confidence that Emily had been slowly gaining during her time spent with Naomi diminished completely, causing her to retreat even further into the darkness of Katie's shadow. The only time she shifted slightly into the light was the day she was proclaimed Mrs. Emily Fletcher : wife of Nathan Fletcher. She had found the marriage a welcome relief and found herself closer to her parents and sister, even though she was jealous that Emily had gotten married before her and was en route to starting a family which is what Katie craved. "_I'm the older one I should be the one getting the fairytale first." _

The relief didn't last long as Emily would often find herself wondering whatever happened to her first love and what her life would be like if she wasn't hiding her sexuality. The pressure started to put a strain on her marriage, which ended after only 5 months. The two remained close friends which Katie couldn't seem to understand as her 'relationships' with her fuck buddies, would always end on a sour note.

Emily returned to her bed watching the shadowy patterns on her wall made by the moonlight that was beaming through her net curtains. Sleep was virtually impossible especially now she could hear the unmistakeable grunts and the sound of squeaking bed springs travelling through the wall.

"Fucks sake!" she shouted in exasperation. "Every fucking week!"

Even though she was trying not to get withdrawal symptoms from her laptop, Emily caved in seeing as sleep wasn't an option thanks to 'Posh and Becks' banging away in the next room. Ever since she had signed up for broadband, she found herself joining social networking sites and a dating website and had slowly become addicted, seeing the internet as her escape from a harsh reality. She found that she could be herself and no one needed to know who she was, where she was from or even her background if she chose not to disclose it. She naturally didn't have a picture of herself, not being able to chance somebody seeing her on the website looking for women in case it got back to her parents some how. Even though her harbouring secret was killing her, Emily actually started to enjoy the respect she was now getting from her mother, even though she had to live a lie to gain it.

Her first port of call was her email inbox which was usually inundated with winks and flirts or the usual newsletter showing recently joined members. She scanned through the list of new members, out of habit more than anything, when one name was brought to her attention straight away.

The name brought memories flooding back and the mood that had possessed her from the minute Katie had returned dissolved almost instantly. She was taken back to her college years, in particular her first time at the lake with the object of her affections. Once she had managed to light a strong, burning fire after almost catching hypothermia in the lake, Emily had thought of another way in which both her and Naomi could warm themselves up from the inside. She reached into her bag and took a gulp of the lifesaving vodka before passing it over to the girl she had lusted after for the past three years. She could feel the warmth the minute the vodka touched her lips and rolled down the back of her throat. After several minutes of passing the bottle to each other in awkward silence, Naomi suddenly asked if Emily had brought any Garibaldis. Emily, relieved that the tension had finally been broken, burst into a fit of laughter, closely followed by Naomi who explained that she lived off the infamous biscuit. Once their laughter had ceased, the red head had suggested they did blowbacks, which was the start of their short, sweet time together.

Emily found herself contemplating sending 'Garibaldi Queen' a message even though there was no available picture and only a brief description of herself. Maybe she wanted to remain anonymous like herself, and it wouldn't hurt to make a friend, even if it was online. She immediately dismissed the idea of sending a wink her way, deeming it impersonal and not reply-worthy. Even though she had been a member for the last couple of months, Emily had never actually had the guts to send a message, not having an idea where to start but she figured she didn't have anything to lose. Her fingers hovered over each key before she started typing and retyping until she finally settled on a message that didn't make her seem too forward. She resisted the urge to ask her which university she went to deciding it wouldn't be appropriate for a first message.

"**Hi there, hope you don't mind me sending you a message but noticed that your new here and actually seem approachable. Everyone else seems quite scary or have a worrying obsession with their cats. Okay maybe I'm being stereotypical but I'm probably right. We seem to have similar interests from what I can tell so far and I'm not ashamed to say I also have soft spot for the 'dead fly' biscuit. Maybe we could have a proper chat when we're both next online?"**

Before she could back out of it, Emily hit send, silently cursing herself for not asking any questions apart from the one at the end which she didn't really count as a question despite the question mark she added to it. Supposing this mystery woman didn't realise that Garibaldis were sometimes referred to as 'dead fly' biscuits. She didn't have time to regret sending the message for long as her mobile vibrated loudly on her desk, indicating an unread message.

**Katie: Dou u have 2 hitr the keys so hjard were tryn 2 fkin slep**

Emily shook her head in disbelief at the drunken text, stunned that anyone who had been loudly banging away against a headboard and screaming profanities for the past half an hour could have the gall to whine about a few keys being tapped. But that was typical Katie, and if time hadn't changed her then chances are that nothing ever would.


	5. Cookie love and lil red lost

**Well here's the next chapter. Took me a while to decide on where to take this chapter. I wanted to show what Naomi's life is like and how she came to have such a bond with Effy. It will be Emily's turn next then who knows what will happen. I have to admit I've been distracted by some new stories I've just discovered particularly 'Ink' by niceoneblondie and 'I hold a force I cannot contain' by hyperfitched. I'm assuming everyone has read them but if not then go and check them out because they're brilliant. **

**Thanks for reading/reviewing and on with the story...**

"Dead fly biscuit?"

Naomi jumped in her seat slightly, hastily slamming down the screen of her laptop.

"Jesus. Do you have to read over my shoulder, I don't read your fucking messages!"

"You can if you want," Effy shrugged. She ignored Naomi's hostility towards her, knowing how defensive she usually got over anything she deemed personal.

"Well I don't want," the blonde retorted. "And for your information 'dead fly biscuits' are Garibaldis."

The brunette couldn't understand why Naomi was being so defensive about her latest message for both women had spent the past few nights giggling at different messages that had found their way into 'garibaldiqueen's' inbox. The majority of them contained blatant sexual innuendo's, usually from random men asking if she fancied a threesome. Needless to say their suggestions resulted in a few harsh words sent their way. The only message that had stuck in her mind was the one from a lil_red_lost, for even though the text in the message was only short it spoke volumes to Naomi. She could see that the woman had actually taken the time to make the message personal by making reference to her username and reading about her interests. She had yet to reply, still feeling cynical about the whole online dating scene.

"That message has been in your inbox for over 3 days and you still haven't replied."

Naomi stared at Effy incredulously, "I'm seriously changing my password."

"Calm down will you, I just saw the date on it then. Why don't you just reply, it wont do any harm."

Naomi's reply was drowned out by the sound of the doorbell chiming numerous times.

"Fuck, its James with Bethany," Effy turned towards the mirror, fluffing her hair up and catching sight of Naomi's amused expression in the mirror's reflection. "What?"

"Its still okay to love him you know?"

"Whatever," she shrugged, leaving Naomi to her own devices.

"Mummy!" the blonde smiled as she heard Bethany greeting her mother at the door. She had made the most of having peace and quiet for the weekend by catching up on her assignments, but Naomi couldn't deny that the house seemed a lot more empty without her god daughter around. She may have looked like her mother with her brown hair and blue eyes, but she had definitely inherited Cook's loud personality much to their dismay. Naomi could remember the day that Effy had told her she was pregnant. She had stood outside what used to be the Fitches house for the majority of the day, just simply staring at the bricks and mortar as if willing Emily to pop out from behind the door, telling her girlfriend that her leaving was all one big wind up. No such thing happened. Instead she was led away from the house and taken into a room she didn't recognise, but unbeknownst to her, it was the place in which she would deliver her best friend's baby - Effy's bedroom. No words were spoken between the two until they could no longer keep the secrets to themselves, both speaking up at the same time.

"I'm in love with Emily."

"I'm pregnant."

Both girls sat in stunned silence before bursting into laughter at their predicaments. The laughter subsided and eventually turned into tears for Effy when she confessed that she didn't know whether Freddie was the father or Cook. Ever since that day, a connection had fused them together which helped them overcome their loneliness and that connection was Effy's daughter who Naomi often fondly thought of as their saviour, their guardian angel.

Her musings were interrupted by a small beeping, indicating an instant message. She smiled as she noticed lil_red_lost's name next to a flashing envelope.

**Lil_red_lost: time for a chat?**

**Garibaldiqueen: I'm yours for the foreseeable :-)**

**Lil_red_lost: I'll be honest, I'm quite of new to the chatting thing so I guess I'll just start with the basics. I'm 23, divorced, currently living in Liverpool with my sister**

**Garibaldiqueen: I'm 23 too, recently single and living with my best friend and her daughter in the wonderful city of Bristol.**

The conversation continued to flow naturally with neither of the girls willing to give to much away of their private lives. Naomi had asked about Emily's sister which seemed to be a sore issue judging from her reaction so she swiftly changed the subject, not wanting her new cyber friend to be uncomfortable with talking to her. After conversation started to dwindle after a constant half an hour of instant messaging, Naomi made her excuses to leave.

**Garibaldiqueen : before I leave, do I get to know your name? **

Naomi waited for a response for several minutes and assumed that the woman was either genuinely not at her computer or trying to invent a believeable name, which she couldn't blame her for. Naomi had done the very same thing when lil_red_lost had asked her the very same question mid-conversation and she introduced herself as Holly.

Her guardian angel burst into her bedroom door, leaving the door swinging open on it's hinges. She ran tearfully into Naomi's arms who did her best to console the youngster, instantly forgetting about the message she was waiting for. She didn't need to ask what was wrong for she could now hear the raised voices of her two best friends floating ungracefully through her open door. She calmly walked over to the door, just about managing to shut it with the crying child in her arms.

Naomi placed Bethany onto her bed and crouch down so she was on eye level with her. She lovingly stroked Bethany's face, catching her tears with her index finger. She could hear the argument becoming more heated and flinched when she heard the sound of what she assumed was a plate smashing on the floor.

"Don't worry sweetie, mummy and daddy are just having a little disagreement that's all. You know like you did when you found out Joseph had hidden Roger the other day," she said, referring to Bethany's stuffed rabbit.

The youngster nodded, hiccupping slightly. Deciding it was time for her to intervene, Naomi wrapped Bethany up in her favourite blanket and pressed play on the DVD player, knowing that Peppa Pig was still in from the last time she stayed in Naomi's room.

She smiled as she saw the young girls face light up at the sound of the theme tune, and left her quietly sucking her thumb whilst watching the cartoon.

The voices that had quietened since the plate smashing started to get louder as the weary blonde approached the kitchen. Before she could open the door, a furious Effy stormed past her and stomped up the stairs, her behaviour instantly reminding Naomi of the last time Bethany couldn't get her own way. She knew the best thing for her to do would be to leave Effy to herself until she calmed down.

"What the fuck have you done now?"

Upon hearing Naomi's stern voice, Cook looked up from the floor where he was picking up shards of china, an apologetic look on his face. His trademark grin was back, covering up the remorse that he had felt after reducing Effy to tears. He opened his arms wide bellowing out 'Naomikins' only to be rebuffed almost as soon as he attempted to give the pissed off Blonde some 'Cookie love'.

"Fuck off Cook, its not going to work this time. We're not sixteen now and your 'Cookie love' can't solve everything." Naomi tried to ignore the hurt look reflected in her friend's eyes but she knew that the best way to get through to Cook was to be harsh.

"Don't give me those fucking puppy dog eyes Cook, I've just been consoling your daughter who was in hysterics because you and Effy were both screaming the place down."

"Is she alright?"

Naomi softened at the concern he was showing towards his daughter. She assured him that she was fine and settled watching Peppa Pig, to which he chuckled in reply, "Of course. What else?"

He had been subjected to the cartoon for the entire weekend but he didn't care because it meant he got to spend precious time with his 6 year old, who he only got to see on the weekends.

"Well?"

Cook took a sip from his tea before answering Naomi's question. He had contemplated answering with a "Well, what?" but he knew from past experience that playing dumb with her didn't wash, and he was quite attached to his bollocks. He winced at the memory of Naomi kneeing him in his private area when she found out about his infidelity.

"Too hot?" she asked, mistaking his wince for the temperature of the liquid rather than the memory of fiesty Naomi.

"Bit yeah," he grunted.

"Good," Naomi snapped.

"Look, I know I'm not your favourite person lately but we were best friends once."

"And we always will be Cook, for now, but you've got to understand where I'm coming from. Effy's more like a fucking sister to me and we've been there for each other through thick and thin.."

"I know that."

Naomi raised her hand silencing him, "Especially when you were in prison." Cook hung his head at her last statement. He had always been deeply regretful for not being there throughout Effy's pregnancy, to support her, hold her hand and do everything that a expectant father should have. Naomi took pity on his slumped form and knew she had hit him where it hurt him most. She grabbed hold of his hand which he whisked away, knowing that he didn't deserve her sympathy when he was just about to tell her that his "bit on the side" was pregnant. She reacted as he expected her too upon hearing the news especially when he adamantly told Effy when they were man and wife that he didn't want to have anymore children.

"So let me get this straight James," Naomi using Cook's first name was never good for him. Her voice that had been restored to it natural calmness after ranting at him for the past 15 minutes was starting to unnerve him, and he subconsciously placed his hands to his crotch as a way to protect his manhood.

"You tell Effy, your wife, that you don't want to have anymore children with her. You then go to Keith's pub where you proceed to get absolutely shitfaced and shag a fucking hooker."

"Hey look don't speak about Arsia like that..."

"You then," She raised her voice in an attempt to speak over Cook, "a mere two months later get your 'wonderful' girlfriend pregnant. Well that's good even for you. Well done."

Her mock praise went on ignored by Cook as he tried to speak over the sound of her clapping hands. He eventually gave up trying to explain and simply waited for the clapping to subside. They eventually came to a truce with both apologising for the heated things they had shouted at one another since Naomi had entered the kitchen. After giving in to Cook's attempt at some 'Cookie love' hugging cook she glanced down to the floor recognising the china that Cook had been attempting to salvage.

"Was that my fucking mug?"

She turned just in time to see the door closing behind a laughing Cook.

"Sorry Blondie," she heard him shout.

"Un fucking believeable."

Naomi knocked lightly on Effy's bedroom door, assuming she was in there seeing as she wasn't with Bethany who was sound asleep. Without waiting for an answer, she opened the door and glanced around the room that was in semi-darkness, the curtains blocking out the light that was determined to seep through. The large lump under the duvet told her that Effy was hiding in her usual place, as she did whenever Cook pulled one of his stunts.

Naomi joined the brunette under the quilt where she lay in the foetal position, her eyes firmly closed and hand placed under her chin.

Naomi grabbed Effy's hand and held her in a warm embrace where they remained until Effy broke the silence.

"He told you?"

Naomi nodded in response almost afraid that Effy would break if she spoke up.

"He told me at least he could be sure that this baby is his now."

"He said fucking what," Naomi couldn't control her silence any longer, "I wouldn't be so sure of that anyway the way she gets around. And what kind of name is Arsia anyway."

Effy managed a light chuckle which in turn made Naomi smile knowing that the brunette wasn't completely broken if she could manage to laugh. She'd seen her worse and didn't think Effy suited being vulnerable. It never failed to break her heart when her best friend was hurting.

"Seriously though Eff, that was a cheap fucking shot," she said sombrely, referring to the paternity of Bethany.

"Well you know James, immature to the end."

"Do you regret loving him Eff?"

"Not for a second. You've got to take a chance on love Naomi. When you were with Emily you told me you felt that you could have conquered the world and without sounding like a cliché, I have to say its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Even if that love is only reciprocated for one day. You can't deny it was the best feeling in the world."

Effy didn't even have to look up to know that Naomi would be welling up. She had recently taking to calling her a mini Gina which would never be taken as a compliment. Upon hearing her sniff, Effy sighed throwing the covers off them both.

"Come on then you sentimental cow, go and get that laptop and lets see if we can get you your answer to Juliette."

Naomi laughed at her favourite film reference, like Effy had said, she was a sentimental cow lately with romantic film's starting to become her first choice on their movie night. Before unplugging the laptop that was still sat safely on her desk, she noticed her inbox had one new message, containing 3 words that set her heart racing.

**Lil_red_lost: My name's Emily**

"Oh."


	6. You're my sister

**Right another chapter done. Have to admit I had no idea where I was going with this chapter when I started to write it so it took me ages. Thankyou to all of my reviewers and people who have favourited. Your all awesome :-). Anyhow, on with the chapter...**

"Get off that laptop bitch and get dressed!" Katie shouted, her voice slightly muffled through the door which she was now banging her fists on. If Emily hadn't insisted on her room having a lock then she would have just marched straight in there and physically prised her sister away from the screen. Emily had ignored Katie's 'dulcet' tones but her patience was starting to wear thin. She had been waiting for a reply from GaribaldiQueen for the past twenty minutes ever since she revealed her name, so Katie banging on the door wasn't helping her mood.

"Fuck off Katie!"

Her retort was met with silence for which she was relieved. A full on slanging match with Katie wasn't the best thing to have just before a Fitch family dinner at her parents house. Her mother would be able to sense the animosity between the two girls and would no doubt side with Katie as she did every time whilst her father would try and fail miserably to be the peace maker.

Just as she was about to give up on GaribaldiQueen who she now knew as Holly, she saw the speech bubble pop up in the corner indicating that she was typing a message. The chat box suddenly vanished in front of her eyes and her web page could no longer be displayed which usually meant that there was a problem with her broadband or she had a pissed off sister.

She went with the latter.

"ARGH KATIE!" she hastily unbolted her door and whipped it open to find her twin proudly holding the wireless router in one hand and her mascara in the other.

"Wow that worked quicker than I thought."

Emily took in the triumphant smirk on Katie's face a forced herself to take a few steady breaths before speaking to her.

"Hello, you there?" Katie sarcastically remarked waving her hand in front of Emily whose face was getting redder by the second. She made a beeline for the router but missed it when her twin held it above her own head. She knew Emily wouldn't be able to reach it seeing as she had no shoes on whereas Katie had her six-inch heels on.

"Your fucking infuriating Katie."

"I am? Is that a fucking joke? Look at this."

She held up her right hand showing her sister her grazed and bruised knuckles.

"I've been thumping on your door for the past ten minutes trying to get you to stop fucking about on that thing," she snapped, pointing over to the laptop that lay open. Katie barged past her twin and threw the router on the bed before studying the screen in front of her.

"Chat rooms. Fucking hell Emsy you could have at least been on the top shop website. Have you even looked at those shoes that I mentioned the other… Ow fucking hell!"

Emily slammed the screen down onto her twins hand which she knew she would pay for later.

"There's another bruise to add to your collection. Now fuck off and let me get changed."

The walk to their parents house was pretty uneventful. Katie had taken to giving Emily the silent treatment which she embraced whole heartedly. The silence resonating between them was broken at odd times when Katie would trip on her heel or feel it necessary to moan about how the weather was doing nothing what so ever to help her complexion. Emily had never been more relieved to see the front door of her parents house.

She was even more relieved when Katie's anger at Emily was transferred onto James when he answered the door wearing the elder twin's new dress.

"You'll fucking stretch it you pervy, little freak!"

"For one I'm a foot taller than you and you're twice as wide so don't worry about _me_ stretching it."

She wasn't wide of course but James knew exactly which buttons to press if he wanted a reaction. He may have been approaching 20 years of age but he was never too old to get a slap on the back of his head from his dad.

"Show your older sister some respect lad," he growled at his son who was muttering curses under his breath and rubbing his head. Rob turned to greet both the girls and led them into the kitchen where Jenna was hastily dishing out the starter.

"What's this?" Emily asked, spooning the liquid and dropping it back into her bowl.

"Artichoke and beetroot soup love," Jenna replied missing the look of disgust shared by her children.

"Now do you see why I moved in with you?" Katie muttered under her breath.

Emily smiled but secretly wished her mother was Deliah Smith so she could be saved from living with her twin. It wasn't that she didn't love Katie but she found it hard to be around her all of the time. It was only when she moved out she realised how stifling it had been living with her for 20 years.

"So Emily, how's Nathan? Still on his business trip?"

Katie patted her sister on the back as she started to choke at the innocent question. She hadn't been able to tell her family about her marriage breakdown apart from Katie. She knew that her mother would fuss and try to set her up on numerous dates for fear that her daughter's claims about her sexuality would crop up again. As far as her parents knew, Nathan was working in Hong Kong until he could clinch his latest business deal, when in actual fact he was sunning himself up on a beach in Australia with his latest girlfriend.

"He's fine isn't he Ems? He met the cast of Neighbours on the beach the other day."

Emily stomped on Katie's foot who realised her mistake almost instantly.

"In Hong Kong? How strange."

"Yeah," Katie muttered, "Some promotional tour or something."

It seemed that Jenna was pacified by Katie's response as she didn't pursue the matter and changed the subject to their wedding business.

At the time, Emily didn't think that 'Lets Get Fitched' would be the roaring success that it had become, but five years on Katie and Jenna were the most sought after wedding planners.

"So Katie we have a new wedding to plan. You remember Graham who used to work at the salon? Well he's getting married and has enlisted the help of Moi."

"Graham?" Emily asked in disbelief. "He's gay as a window!"

"And what's wrong with that Emily?"

She started to feel the blood rush to her face as she clenched her fists to contain the anger that was threatening to erupt over the surface and spill onto her mother.

"You're seriously asking me What's wrong with that? When I told you…"

"That's great mum," Katie shot Emily a warning look. She knew that the conversation was leading onto Emily's sexuality which had never resulted in anything positive in the past.

"Yes it is Katie," Jenna's tone had turned icy and her eyes narrowed as she turned towards her youngest daughter.

"What were you going to say Emily?" she knew by her tone of voice that Jenna was challenging her, daring her to defy her for the first time since Bristol.

"I just don't see why you were so against me when I told you I was gay and you're absolutely fine and getting excited about organising a gay wedding."

"Well we can't discriminate nowadays and Graham has earned the right to be gay. Not like some people who are too young to make that kind of decision. Besides," she added, "Graham isn't my daughter, and my daughter _isn't_ gay."

Had Emily not been so angry at what she was hearing, then she would have noticed the tense silence that was floating around the dinner table. James was awkwardly picking at a loose thread on the dress that he still hadn't taken off whilst Katie was looking at Jenna and Emily in turn with her mouth gaping open. Rob finally got a grip and intervened before anything else could be said on the matter.

"So, was just telling James before about this great new venture. We're introducing a machine to give you a five minute full body workout. Got the prototype in the garage if you..."

His sentence was cut short by the scraping of Emily's chair against the tiled floor.

"Don't bother dad, I'm leaving. Leave you all to you Stepford life," she added sarcastically. She slammed the door behind her, blocking out Jenna's angry protests and headed to the one place where she knew she would find tranquillity. She hadn't visited the local park as of late, but she still held it close to her heart. She discovered the park not long after moving up to Liverpool and would often go there whenever her family was being too overbearing. She nicknamed it her 'Little escape'.

Emily continued at a fast pace, wanting to put as much distant between herself and her mother as soon as possible. She found the bench that she had spent many days perched on, just watching people going about their daily routine and getting on with their lives. It was times like this that she felt a similarity between her and Effy, not that she would ever admit it.

The park was quiet as she came to expect on a Sunday lunchtime. Apart from the occasional dog walker, Emily had the park to herself. She embraced the solidarity for a short while, but she soon found it hard to stop replaying the argument in her head and wished she could have someone to distract her from her thoughts. The cold February air started to nip at her pale skin causing Emily to regret leaving the house so hastily without her coat. Her surroundings started to blur as tears filled her eyes, but at this point she was unable to decipher whether they were tears from the cold or tears from the emotion she was feeling after the incident at the dinner table.

"Thought I might find you here."

She recognised the voice from behind her almost straight away.

"You really pissed mum off. Never seen the vein in her temple so prominent," Katie sat down next to Emily and nudged her whilst giggling at her own comment. "It nearly burst when I told her we're in the 21st century and it's okay for her to have a gay daughter.

Both girls sat in silence, neither knowing how to break it. Katie undertook that job when heard the chattering of Emily's teeth.

"Christ Ems you're fucking freezing. Here, have this." She draped her jacket over her sister's shivering form and rubbed her hands up and down her arms trying to generate warmth. Emily could feel herself start to tear up at the affection that she was being given by her sister of all people. She couldn't remember the last time Katie had treated her like an equal.

"I don't understand."

Emily frowned at the statement, unsure of whether to ask what she meant or just wait for Katie to elaborate. She turned to find her sister looking at her intently, never dropping her gaze.

"Don't understand what?"

"Well if you were really gay why did you get married?"

"I'm not," Emily shook her head too much to be convincing. Her defence mechanisms automatically kicking in after seven years of denial.

"Emily, come on. We both know you've still got your box of fannies and it wasn't a normal chat room you were on before."

Emily couldn't contain herself any longer and released a soft sob. She didn't think she could be anymore confused than she had been. Her mother, the raging homophobe, was organising a gay wedding and her sister who was equally against her being gay seemed to be understanding and trying to listen to her. And now she was hugging her tightly as if she would break if she let her go.

They both eventually pulled away from the hug with Emily trying to regain her composure.

"I don't get it Katie. Why are you defending me to mum and being so understanding."

Katie sighed. "Things change. You may not think it but I've changed. I regret not sticking up for you when you tried to come out to mum and dad. I was just so scared of losing you to Naomi."

"That's ridiculous Katie."

"I know but, like, she gave you a huge confidence which is why I hated her so much. I could feel you slipping away. Everyone thought you were the shy, insecure twin but the truth is, that's who I am. That's why I didn't have a problem with Nathan because he didn't give you the confidence that Naomi did."

Katie wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her cardigan.

"No I'm alright," she said as Emily placed her hand on Katie's arm, "It's the weather, giving me cold tears."

Emily chose to go along with her excuse to allow her twin to keep up appearances. They sat there for another fifteen minutes in complete silence, just enjoying each others company. Numerous things were running through Emily's mind as they sat there hand in hand. She wondered if Katie was only being supportive because she had ulterior motives or she didn't think Emily would ever try to come out again as gay. However if that was the case then why would she offer her support? surely she knew that Emily was more likely to come out if she knew she had her twin to back her up. It was all causing her one huge headache.

"I'm sorry Katie."

"For what?" she asked, confusion etched on her face, her nose tinged red from the cold.

"Slamming the laptop on your hand."

"Well you should be," she smiled and showed Emily her now swollen hand.

"Fuck."

"Yeah, I know. That doesn't matter now, we've got more pressing issues."

Emily nodded in agreement and waited for Katie to carry on speaking.

"I may not understand why you want to bump fannies so much, but you're my sister," Emily put more pressure on Katie's hand by way of appreciation. "Even if you are a little weird," she added.

Emily laughed which was the reaction Katie hoped for. She knew Katie couldn't be sappy without disguising it with playful banter.

"Right that's enough emotion for one day," Katie said before standing unsteadily on her feet. "Now lets get going, I need to get some ice for my fucking knuckles."


	7. Facing the facts and drunken texts

**Heres the next chapter for you. I apologise for any mistakes but I went through the whole thing correcting all errors then when I clicked save my internet decided to cut out so I lost it all. Grrr damn technology. Thanks to all of my reviewers especially the regulars, you're all my motivation! Hope you enjoy it. On with the chapter... **

"Naomi, can you give me a hand?"

The brunette stumbled through the front door, laden with both her and Bethany's overnight bags and various gifts from her mother and brother Tony. She made her way through to the kitchen when she received no reply from the blonde.

"Fucks sake," she muttered when she saw the state of the kitchen. Both Effy and Naomi had an agreement to clean the kitchen on the days when the other would be going to work or in Naomi's case university as well. It was obvious that the kitchen hadn't been touched due to the pile of dishes at the side of the sink and the bits of cereal that were scattered on the table. She batted away several house flies that had accumulated on a piece of toast which Effy was sure had been left by Bethany before their visit to see Anthea three days earlier.

Bethany tugged on her mother's trouser leg, vying for her attention.

"Mummy what's that smell?"

Effy had been too preoccupied with the state of the kitchen to notice the smell and she started to wish that she hadn't drunk two bottles of wine with her mother the night before. She wasn't used to drinking as much as she used to before she was a mother so she managed to suffer a hangover a lot more easier of late. She discovered the offending item after scouring the kitchen for the source of the smell. The milk in the carton which she assumed was once pure white, now had a green tinge to it and questionable lumps had formed in the bottom of the carton. Effy started to balk as the smell reached her nostrils when she made the mistake of removing the lid.

"Fucking hell Naomi!"

"Mummy said fuck," Effy's eyes widened as she realised her mistake. Her daughter was so intuitive and would pick up on any curse words that were uttered so her and Naomi tended to replace those words when they could remember. They had grown quite fond of the word 'Bobbins' which was frequently used by JJ, Bethany's god father.

"Mummy's naughty for saying that, just promise me you won't go repeating it, especially to Albert." She told her daughter, referring to JJ's step son. He had a habit of copying everything Bethany did, which worried Lara, JJ's wife, especially when he would ask for things like a Barbie scooter for his birthday.

"Where's Naomi?"

"I don't know baby," Effy replied stroking Bethany's hair. "She's going to pay for this though."

Both mother and daughter shot their heads up to the ceiling when they heard a noise come from up above them. Grabbing Cook's huge golf umbrella that was propped up against the wall, Effy cautiously crept upstairs, unsure of what she would find. She motioned for her daughter to stay quiet after telling her to hide in the cupboard under the stairs. She pushed open the bathroom door with the end of the umbrella, moving onto the bedrooms when she discovered the bathroom empty. She slowly entered Naomi's room and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her asleep on top of her bed, fully clothed and her blonde hair splayed across the pillow.

"Aww, sweet." she remarked sarcastically.

"Hmmm what?" mumbled Naomi, her eyes firmly shut tight.

Effy shook her head and returned to the room several minutes later, coffee in hand, determined to wake sleeping beauty.

"Naomi," she said softly, shaking the sleeping girl's shoulder until she roused from her slumber. "C'mon its 3 o'clock."

Naomi opened one bleary eye when the scent of Effy and a steaming hot mug of coffee reached her senses.

"Ah cheers Eff," she said, appreciating the gesture, "What time did you get back?"

The brunette perched herself on the end of Naomi's bed, watching her intently, just waiting for her to sip her drink.

"Oh about…"

"Eww what the fuck Eff? What the fuck is this?"

Effy laughed hysterically at gaining the reaction she had been hoping for when Naomi spat the sipped liquid back into the mug.

"You think its fucking funny," she snapped, "You try it. Go on."

"You must be crazy if you think I'm going to try that. I assumed that how you liked your coffee. With milk?"

"That's not milk that's rat poison."

"Well why the fuck is that the only milk we've got? I swear that's the milk I left on Friday and it smells like something died down there. Don't even get me started on how it looks either."

Naomi averted her eyes which Effy recognised as a sign of guilt and became seemingly more interested in swilling around the contents of her mug. She'd picked up on Naomi's habit when she'd first asked her about her and Emily outside Thomas's nightclub. She'd averted her eyes then aswell insisting that she was straight, only to retract the statement seconds later. Effy's eyes fell onto the laptop and something finally clicked into place.

"Let me guess, Emily?"

She watched with amusement as Naomi squirmed, which confirmed her suspicions. She was neglecting the housework and herself for that matter just talking all day long to her internet 'lover'. She could clearly remember the day that Naomi had spoken to Lil_red_lost a mere month ago.

_Effy dabbed at the remainder of her tears with the end of her bed sheet, the argument with Cook still at the fore front of her mind. She was broken from her thoughts when a very excited Naomi came bounding into her room, hugging her laptop to her chest._

"_Its her Eff, its her!"_

"_What the fuck are you on about?"_

"_And I thought you knew everything Eff! Its Emily." She passed the laptop to her bewildered friend who read her conversation with Lil red lost before handing back the laptop with a worried expression on her tear stained face. She watched as Naomi took the laptop from her and started typing so fast that she was sure the keyboard was about to start smoking. "What are you writing?"_

"_I'm telling her my real name and asking if she's Emily Fitch of course."_

_Effy placed her hands over Naomi's, stopping her from typing. "Its not her Naomi."_

_The hopes that she had built up in the last couple of minutes instantly dropped when she heard those words come from Effy's mouth. As much as she hated to admit it, Effy was often right about these things. However, s__he wasn't ready to let her hopes be dashed without a fight._

"_No, listen," She pointed to bits of the conversation on the screen and read them out to Effy as she went along. "She says here, _'I don't really get on with my sister, she can be kind of over bearing at times and doesn't really understand me. She's more of a wag whereas I'm just a nobody.'_ That describes Katiekins down to a tee." Naomi continued rambling on ignoring Effy's snorts and head shakes. "She told me she lives in Liverpool where if you think about it would be the logical place to go __seeing as its where her dads from. They could have just stayed__ with family until they found their own place. You told me she left a couple of days after I went to Cyprus which wouldn't give them time enough to move somewhere brand new."_

"_Unless," Effy interrupted, "Her mother knew about you before Emily told her and planned it."_

"_And her name," Naomi continued as if there had been no interruption. "Lil_red_lost. Cook used to call her red because of her hair remember?"_

"_So?"_

"_So she's little, she's got red hair and she lost herself ever since she was uprooted."_

_Her triumphant smile only lasted 5 seconds when Effy once again pissed on her bonfire. "Have you even read her profile? Look at this."_

_Naomi looked at the screen and followed Effy's finger to her profile description that stated she was a brunette and her heart sank. She flopped down onto Effy's bed and buried her face into the pillow. She could feel the brunette rubbing her back in sympathy. _

"_She could have dyed her hair?" she mumbled hopefully._

_Effy resisted the urge to say to point out other bits on her profile such as her surname being Fletcher and instead offered her more sympathy._

"_Maybe you wanted it to be her so much that you started to believe it was your Emily. Think about it though Naomi," she continued delicately, "What are the chances that the first girl you speak to is Emily Fitch from Bristol?"_

"_Some would call it fate," Naomi said, her voice sounding muffled from the pillow._

"_You really are getting to be like your mum. What happened to the sarcastic Naomi Campbell we all fell in love with?"_

"_She died on valentines day."_

_Effy couldn't help feel a tinge of guilt when she recalled the __night that N__aomi was crying in her arms after burning the letter on Effy's request. At the time she thought it was for the __best but it was clear she still couldn't let go of the past so she encouraged her to stay in contact with Lil_red_lost thinking she could just be the one to snap Naomi out of her 'Fitch spell.'_

"Are you even fucking listening to me?"

The brunette was brought from her musings by a frustrated Naomi who was grabbing her clothes from the floor and hastily changing her outfit.

"What?"

"I said could you give me a lift to uni because I forgot to hand my essay in which has to be in by 4 or I have to retake another year which I don't fancy doing. The fucking fees are gonna be a nightmare to pay back without adding another three grand on top the twenty that I already owe."

Effy stared at her incredulously. "What the fuck Naomi? Why are you being so non-chalant about this?"

"Chill out will you? Just give me a lift and it'll be fine."

"No it won't. You know how I felt when you failed your first year because of me and my baby blues and I'm not letting your strange obsession with a woman you've never even met affect your education. Once you've handed that essay in we're going out to get fucked up like old times."

"And how will that help my 'education'? " she asked, quoting the words right back to her friend.

"Well you can train your liver up to deal with hangovers more easily and maybe you'll start having some form of social life rather than living and breathing through Emily Fletcher."

Naomi raised an eyebrow. "Train my liver up?" She couldn't resist sending a playful smirk Effy's way.

"So you game?" She nodded resulting in a squeal of excitement from Effy who started clapping her hands.

"Right well James is having Bethany tonight seeing as he didn't have her on the weekend, then once we've dropped your assignment off the partying can begin!"

Two car rides, several outfit changes and a countless amount of drinks later and both women were on their way to being 'monumentally fucked', as Effy put it. They agreed to avoid Keith's pub deciding that the chances that Cook would find out and hold it against Effy at some point were quite high.

"So what _is_ this place?" Effy asked as she took in her surroundings. They were sat on the sofas which were placed next to a rotating dance floor facing that was rammed with students determined to celebrate the start of the Easter holidays in style.

"It's a club Eff," Naomi giggled.

"I know that," she rolled her eyes at an intoxicated Naomi who was downing more shots as she spoke. "I mean we've never been here before."

"Oh Sophia mentioned it to me before."

"Sophia?" she questioned, "The girl you were talking to when you handed your assignment in?"

Naomi pointed a wobbly finger in Effy's face. "You were spying Mrs. Cook. Shit. Miss. Miss…"

Effy placed a hand on Naomi's, "It's okay Naomi. I was just going to say she seemed nice. From what I could see anyway."

The blonde frowned as her drink sloshed down her front, the red liquid instantly staining her top.

"Shit, my fucking top."

"No, _my_ top," Naomi cowered under Effy's furious stare, "And that's the second one you've ruined with red wine." Both girls burst into a fit of the giggles at the memory of Naomi's disastrous valentines day.

"Yep that was the night I finally let go wasn't it Eff?" she slurred, taking another sip of her drink.

She offered Naomi a sympathetic smile before dragging her off to the toilets where she attempted to wash away the stubborn stain. The brunette listened to Naomi's drunken ramblings adding a 'hmm' or a nod of the head when she didn't have a clue what the hell she was on about. Her ramblings were interrupted when her phone vibrated loudly against her leg.

"OOOooh excuse me Eff. My lover beckons."

"What? Who?" asked a bemused Effy.

"Erm… Red Fletcher?"

A couple of drinks later and she wouldn't have understood who Naomi was on about but seeing as she was closer to sober than drunk, Effy knew exactly who she was on about.

"Emily?" she asked watching Naomi typing hastily who clearly didn't hear the first time. "EMILY?"

"No my name's Naomi. Jeez you've known me for years you tit. I fucking love you Miss Stonem! Wheyyy I got it right!"

"Yeah well done," She remarked sarcastically, trying to wipe away the sloppy kiss from her cheek that had left a red lipstick mark.

"You've not made a tit out of yourself have you?" she asked indicating Naomi's phone. "Let me see." She demanded, holding out her hand. The phone was unwillingly handed over after some gentle persuasion. She scrolled down to the first message sent two hours previously.

**Naomi: Hey you. Hope your ok? Being dragged out by my friend, would much rather be talking to you xx**

Effy rolled her eyes at how cheesy Naomi sounded and proceeded to read each message in turn.

**Emily: Hey, was just thinking about you. Is that Fearne, the friend you live with? I know how you feel, I'm often being dragged out by my sister :-/ xx**

**Naomi: Yep that's the one. Determined to get me out of the house and fucked up like we used to do in college. Maybe one time we can drag ourselves out together ;-) xx**

It didn't escape Effy's notice that there was no reply from Emily after this message and it took Naomi to send her another message half an hour later to get a reply.

**Naomi: Ignore me, didn't mean to scare you off…**

**Emily: Don't be daft, just a bit busy. It's Sunday - my sister's night to have man problems so she apparently needs my full attention. You have a good night xx**

**Naomi: Thank you I will. You remind me of someone I used to know xx**

**Emily: And who might that be Miss Willoughby? xx**

Effy burst out laughing at this point.

"What?" asked Naomi, confusion etched on her features as she tried and failed to snatch back her phone.

"You actually told her your surname was Willoughby? And I suppose I'm Fearne Cotton?"

"It kind of slipped out and that was her reaction too. Put about a million lol's. Took her some convincing to believe me and I didn't give her your surname."

She stuck her tongue out and folded her arms across her chest in a dramatic fashion while she waited for Effy to stop laughing. She wiped the tears away from her eyes and handed the phone back reluctantly.

"I thought you hated having a celebrity name and then you go and give yourself another one."

"Enough."

"So I think you should forget this tonight and go out and find yourself some real pussy."

"Did you actually say pussy? God its like being out with Cook." she commented while scrunching her nose up in disgust.

"Yeah well, you can't be married to James Cook and not pick up on his lewd comments. But seriously just leave it now and talk to her tomorrow when your thinking clearly. You know how much you stress out when you've sent drunken texts."

She nodded in agreement and glanced at her phone one last time before getting evil glares from Effy.

"What? I didn't read the message I got before and I can't not reply again can I?"

She watched as Naomi's frown disappeared to be replaced by a huge grin as she read the message. She didn't have to wait long to find out what, or rather who had literally put a smile on her face.

Effy took the phone and glanced down at the screen, the glow causing a blue tinge to appear across her face.

**Emily: So Holly, I've been thinking. Do you think its time we met up? xxx**


	8. Blast from the past

**Hello! This chapters slightly shorter than the last one as I've been a bit busy this week. Went to York, got blistered from the sun in my back garden then went to Alton Towers yesterday where the rides all seemed to break down when we got to the front of the 90 minute long queues. Fun times! Got a bit more free time this week so should be able to reply to any reviews I might get. Loved them all so far. Thanks so much :)**

"So remind me again why you're travelling nearly 200 miles to meet some girl you don't even know?"

Katie asked, watching her twin pack everything she would need for the weekend.

"Katie…"

"No I mean, why London?" she added, sensing the change in the atmosphere. "Why not here or Bristol?"

"Well its neutral territory for both of us. Her coming up to Liverpool would be a bad idea. I wouldn't want anyone seeing us, especially mum."

"Yeah could you imagine her face," Katie giggled. "The vein in her temple would burst for sure."

"Its not funny Katie," she said whilst trying to keep a straight face. "Plus Bristol for me would be too fucking weird."

"Yeah. Wouldn't want to bump into Campbell and her sprog."

"No."

Emily resumed her packing and turned away from Katie at the conversation that was entering undesired territory. She didn't want to discuss the part of her past that had caused her so much pain and still did if she was honest with herself. She could remember the raw pain that she felt upon hearing and seeing for herself that Naomi had found it so easy to move on.

_She had stood only a few metres away from the yellow door, her body half concealed by the rather large oak tree conveniently placed on the grass below her. She leaned against the side of the tree that was out of sight of the Campbell house and took several deep breaths to compose herself. Emily had to make sure that she wasn't seeing things when she arrived back in Bristol just under 24 hours ago. _

"_We'll see you later Eff!" _

_That voice. How she had missed that voice. She peered from behind the tree and her heart dropped when she was met with the same vision of her blonde beauty pushing a pram and cooing to the baby inside. She started to will away the tears that were starting to form in her eyes, blurring her vision. _

"_She doesn't need this Emily. She's moved on, she's happy."_

_The dejected girl whipped her head around to the side of her, wondering when Effy had made her way across the field towards her. Last time she had seen her she was stood inside Naomi's doorway, waving her off. _

"_And the baby? Whose the dad?" _

_She took in Effy's appearance in wake of the silence that followed her own question. She had always been a waif of a girl but now Effy was half the size she used to be. Her greasy hair lay unkempt around her face, her skin was paler than it once was and dark circles were visible around her eyes._

"_Cook."_

"_Cook? What the fuck?" she stared back into the eyes that held no emotion whatsoever, and couldn't understand what happened to the Effy from college. The Effy who despite her front, cared deeply about those around her as she had proven to Emily on many occasions by showing support to her and Naomi._

"_Go. She won't want to see you."_

"_What's happened to you Eff? Since when were you this cold hearted bitch?" She knew she was being harsh but her anger was starting to rule out any rationality that she could possibly feel. She didn't wait for an answer and instead walked away from her past for the final time, not hearing the whispered "I'm sorry" from the broken brunette she had left behind._

"Emily. Emily Look at me." Katie held her sister's face in her hands, wiping away the tears that Emily wasn't even aware were spilling from her eyes.

"I know we haven't spoke about it since that day, but these," Katie grabbed her twins wrists, rubbing her thumb over the scars that resided there. "These prove you're a survivor. You're over that shit with Naomi and you never have to see her again so I want you to hear you say it. Go on," she prompted.

Emily took a deep breath before repeating the mantra. "I am over that shit with Naomi Campbell and I never have to see her again."

"And my sister could kick Effy's scrawny arse," Katie added cheekily which resulted in a light shove from Emily.

"I'm not saying that you tit," she joked light heartedly. "Although you probably could. Providing there are no rocks about of course."

"Hey," she nudged Emily playfully, "You're lucky I'm not too mentally scarred from that incident. Seriously though Ems, I haven't seen you this happy since, well, since we moved away. Much as I hate to admit it again but Campbell gave you a confidence and for some reason she made you deliriously happy."

"Erm Katie, what's your point?"

"The point is that this girl Holly has restored that. Take my advice and don't let this one go. We'll tackle mum together."

Emily caught a genuine smile from Katie which was a rare sight so she embraced the moment and couldn't believe how deliriously fucking happy she was to have her sister on her side.

"I still don't understand why you didn't just get on the train. JAMES!"

Emily held the phone away from her ear, receiving a strange look from the passenger sat next to her. Her twins voice screeched out of the ear piece making it sound as though she was on loud speaker.

"Fucking worm I'm going to kill him," she growled, her voice back to its usual pitch.

"What's he done now?"

"Only laddered my fucking tights. I'm so putting that video of him on face book, you know the one where he was dancing to Kylie Minogue in mum's knickers and bra?"

The elderly gent sat next to Emily tutted and shook his head. She assumed he could hear the more obscene words from Katie's vocabulary.

"Anyway what was I saying? Oh yeah why not take the train like normal people?"

"The rail strikes obviously."

"And how exactly will you know who she is if you've never seen a picture of her. She could be a fucking troll."

"We're meeting outside Victoria Station at 2 this afternoon. And as for her being a troll, I don't think she'll be as bad as that girl you tried to set me up with last week. She told me her name was Mandy but I think BFG was more appropriate."

She could hear cackling down the other end of the phone. "Emsy its not like you to be bitchy."

"I'm learning from the best," she smiled.

"Cheeky cow," Katie bantered back.

The light hearted conversation ended with Katie protesting about having to buy another pair of tights and complaining about the fact that Emily had taken her own with her.

The coach journey wasn't as bad as Emily first anticipated. The grouchy OAP sat next to her had fallen asleep and apart from the odd snore she hardly registered his presence. She sent the odd text to Holly telling her where she was and what time she was expected to arrive. She received no reply from her latest text so assumed that they would both meet at the agreed time.

Several sudoku puzzles later and Emily arrived in England's capital. She glanced at the time on her phone showing her that she was about 20 minutes ahead of schedule. She tried to ignore the fact that she still had no response from the girl she had travelled nearly six hours to see. As she paid for her coffee, she couldn't help but wonder if she had actually seen Holly when she was in the station. She could have been any of a number of women that Emily had brushed past, although none of them had caught her eye. She took a seat by the window in the little café which was coincidentally directly facing the station entrance. The arrival of 2 o'clock went by unnoticed and it was only when she overheard a child who was obviously learning how to tell the time, was proudly informing his mother that it was 2.30 pm.

"Shit," she shouted out much to the annoyance of the child's mother, who swiftly covered each of his ears with both her hands.

She darted across the road with her holdall trailing behind and her now stone cold coffee in her hand. In her haste, she failed to notice the figure walking in her direction, also oblivious to her surroundings, or at least she was until Emily knocked into her causing her coffee to spill over her brand new top.

"Fucks Sake!"

"Shit I'm so sorry, in a bit of a hurry," she stated, rifling through her hand bag for a spare tissue that she hoped would salvage the ruined top. "Got it! Here you go." She held out the tissue to the seemingly annoyed woman who didn't accept the gesture.

"Emily?"

The brunette frowned at the mention of her name and looked up for the first time into the face of the person who had uttered her name beautifully in her opinion. Her breath hitched as her eyes met the gaze of the blue ones that were staring intently at her. They were the eyes that she was reminded of whenever she would see someone with peroxide hair or when she would flick through the channels and land on a political based show.

"Naomi."


	9. Reconnecting

**Thankyou again for all reviews/alerts etc. This will probably be the last chapter for a week or 2 as I am going on holiday in a few days. Will try and get another chapter up before Tuesday but if not see you in 2 weeks!x**

"You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Naomi answered Effy whilst hugging her god daughter goodbye.

"Do you realise how much of a cliché you've become? I'm going to have words with this Emily." Effy winked, receiving an eye roll in return.

"Don't forget to bring me back a present." Naomi laughed at Bethany's cheeky smile and tapped her on the nose promising to bring her back a present as long as she behaved herself.

The station announcers voiced boomed accross the station informing all passengers that the Bristol to London train would be delayed by fifteen minutes.

"Well that answers my next question," Effy remarked. "Time for coffee?" she added upon seeing the confusion etched on Naomi's face.

"Lead the way."

* * *

"Well honestly without trying to sound like a cliché again, I feel like I've known her my whole life. Longer than four months anyway." Naomi stated, answering one of Effy's many questons about her new found 'cyber love'."

"You nervous?" Effy asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had descended upon them after they had finally managed to find a spare table.

"You tell me. You're the one who usually knows everything." Naomi smirked.

"Well using my psychic powers I would have to say that judging by the amount of times you've looked at your mobile you are very nervous."

"Its not that. Fucking Sophia. She's ran my battery out these last few days the amount of times she's called. I've only answered once."

"Well that's what you get for leading her on," Effy laughed jokingly in an attempt to relax her nervous friend.

"I didn't, not really," she trailed off, thinking about the morning after the night her and Effy had decided to get monumentally fucked up - the same night she agreed to meet with Emily Fletcher.

_Naomi's eyes had remained firmly closed even though she had been awake for at least half an hour. She didn't want to open her eyes to her bedroom that was flooded in sunlight which would only serve to make her headache worse. She lay there struggling to remember the previous nights events whilst internally cursing herself for drinking alcohol like it was going out of fashion. _

_She could feel a presence lying next to her, gently stroking her hair, which she found soothed her headache._

_"S'nice Eff," she mumbled. _

_"It's not Effy."_

_Naomi shot out of her bed and faced the culprit who was making her headache ten times worse. She watched Sophia's eyes widen and glanced down at her own body._

_"I'm naked. I sleep naked."_

_"Here," Sophia threw Naomi a long t-shirt that she found on the floor next to the bed._

_"Right. Look I don't mean to be rude, but what are you doing here?" the embarassed blonde asked _after she was suitably covered.

_Naomi noticed a flash of hurt on Sophia's face which was quickly replaced by a friendly smile._

"_You don't remember do you?"_

_Naomi shook her head in response and tried to cast her mind back to the night before. She could remember bits and pieces starting with her and Effy getting ready to go out and suddenly they were in the club toilets reading a message from Emily suggesting that they meet up. _

"_I'm going to meet her Eff. She makes me fucking happy. Emily Fletcher and myself will be the new Naomily."_

_Effy laughed at the drunken state Noami had gotten herself into, especially if she referred to herself and Emily as Naomily. Naomily was the name that Effy would use to annoy Naomi when she first found out about Emily fancying the blonde back in their first year of college. _

"_Don't you mean Hemily or Emolly?"_

"_What?" she asked. Effy raised an eyebrow when the penny finally dropped for the blonde. _

"_Ah you mean because she thinks I'm Holly. I've been thinking Eff, I could just change my name to Holly Will.. Will.."_

"_Willoughby?"_

"_Yeah yeah that. Then I technically wouldn't have lied. You know she told me she only likes honesty in her relationships, so I've fucked it up already."_

_Naomi suddenly found herself on the dance floor accepting a drink from none other than Sophia. They sat down when the song they were dancing to remixed into a faster one, which neither girl had the energy for. _

"_Naomi I'm gonna shoot, you can stay if you like. Seems as though your having fun,"_

_Effy pointed her eyes in the direction of Sophia whilst shouting in the blonde's ear to make herself heard. _

"'_S'not safe for you to go alone. Bad, bad people. We'll come with you."_

_With that Naomi grabbed Effy's hand and was led out of the club, whilst holding Sophia with her spare hand. _

_After 5 minutes, Sophia spoke up obviously taking Naomi's silence as her trying to remember the night's events. _

"_Don't worry nothing happened," she smiled at the relief that graced Naomi's face. "We just crashed out here and you spoke about someone called Emily for a bit," Naomi nodded agreeing that she probably did talk about Emily. Which Emily? She wasn't sure seeing as she held both Fletcher and Fitch close to her heart. _

"_Was it that Emily who you dating in college? I saw you pin her up against the lockers one time after teasing her for dressing like her sister."_

"_You knew me in college?" _

"_Erm, yeah. Saw you a few times," she shrugged avoiding Naomi's intense gaze. _

"_Right," said Naomi, not sounding entirely convinced. There was something shifty about Sophia that she didn't trust so after hinting that she needed her own space for a while, Sophia finally left Naomi to suffer her hangover in peace._

The blonde slammed her phone down in frustration on the unoccupied seat next to her after several attempts to bring the battery back to life by rubbing it through her palms. "Fucking Sophia," she mumbled to herself. Even on a train to London she couldn't escape her.

All of the caffeine floating around Naomi's body prevented her from sleeping to pass the time, so she ended up staring absent-mindedly out of the window, watching the scenery pass by in a blur of green. Her mind would occasionally wander to the prospect of meeting Emily.

She arrived in London ten minutes later than planned and ran straight to the coach station silently thanking all of the Gods that it was placed so close to the train station. She manoeuvred her way through the busy crowds - the majority of which seemed to be business men in their crisp white shirts and dowdy grey trousers. Glancing up at the arrivals board, she noted that Emily's coach wasn't listed there so ignoring the nauseous feeling that suddenly developed, she made her way to the help desk only to find out that the coach had arrived an hour earlier.

The blonde walked dejectedly through the terminals, inwardly cursing Sophia for causing her battery to die, cursing herself for not bringing her charger and also Emily who could be anywhere by now if she had even shown up. She was wondering how she would explain herself to Emily and hope that she would believe the set of unfortunate circumstances when she was rudely dragged from her thoughts by a clumsy brunette. She glanced down at her top to see the liquid spread slowly, causing an instant stain.

"Fucks sake!" she exclaimed.

"Shit I'm so sorry, in a bit of a hurry."

The blonde's eyes widened as soon as the woman's voice reached her ears. It may have been seven years but she could still recognise the husky tone belonging to that of Emily Fitch. She watched as the brunette rummaged through her hand bag, pushing a photograph of her and her twin aside in her haste of trying to find a tissue. Naomi waited with baited breath as Emily held out the tissue, the hair falling away from her face, revealing her beautiful features to the blonde who could only breath out one word.

"Emily?"

She watched as recognition fell upon the smaller girl's features, her eyes growing wide as she realised who she had bumped into.

"Naomi."

Both women stood facing each other, neither knowing what to do. Their surroundings evaporated and the hustle and bustle of the crowds around them dissolved into nothingness. It was just those two in their own world until Naomi came to her senses and helped Emily pick up the contents of her bag that she had dropped to the floor upon setting sight on the blonde.

Naomi held the picture of the twins in her hand and smiled at the sight of Katie.

"See she hasn't changed much. Apart from the hair obviously," she added.

Emily shook her head, still coming to terms with the fact that she was stood face to face with the girl she lost it all for in every sense of the word.

"A drink." Naomi spluttered.

"What?" was the incredulous reply.

"I mean, do you want to go for a drink? Only if you've got time. You did seem to be in a rush," she smiled pointing to her shirt.

Emily tried to laugh but her throat was dry from hanging her mouth open for the past couple of minutes. She swallowed and finally managed to find her voice.

"Yeah sorry about that," she said pointing to the coffee-stained top. "Erm actually I've got to…"

"Just 5 minutes?" Naomi hastily added sensing that Emily was going to turn her invitation down upon seeing her glance at her watch.

Emily looked around seemingly conflicted. She eventually relented, and agreed to drink with Naomi reasoning that if Holly was waiting for her she would be in touch. She had to pinch herself several times to make sure that Naomi wasn't just an illusion sent to confuse her mind even more.

Both women walked side by side in complete silence coming to terms with the fact that they were both in such close proximity to each other. The silence carried them to the nearest pub and was only broken when Naomi asked Emily what she would like to drink.

"So," Naomi started when they had been comfortably seated for several minutes, "How have you been?"

"I've been," She longed to tell Naomi the real truth, how she had really been. Fucking terrible. Instead she went with the usual lie that she told people whenever they asked. "I've been great yeah."

Her false smile didn't go unnoticed. "And everyone else?"

"Well Katie's still Katie and my dads still obsessed with his gym. I swear if I hear 'Don't get fit get Fitched' one more time when we go to dinner," she mimicked a gun with her fingers and pointed it to her head, resulting in a genuine laugh from Naomi.

"And what about James? Is he still a Peeping Tom?"

"Not so much now. Swear he's trying to be the next Eddie Izzard. Shame he's not been gifted with a comedic ability."

"And your mum?" she asked cautiously.

"What's with all the questions Naomi?" Emily answered defensively avoiding the question completely. Ever since the infamous dinner with the Fitches when Jenna announced she would be catering a gay wedding, their relationship had deteriorated rapidly, with Emily no longer being invited to Sunday dinner.

"It's hard for me, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting to bump into you."

"Oh and I was expecting to see you?" Emily's tone wasn't angry, she was just pleading for Naomi to understand why she was acting the way she was. "And correct me if I'm wrong but you don't seem as surprised to see me as I am to see you."

"Oh yeah I just thought I would go to London today on the off chance that you would be here."

Emily started giggling despite herself causing her to get a strange look from Naomi which only encouraged her laughter even more.

"Am I missing something?"

"I see you're the same old sarcastic Naomi Campbell. Time hasn't changed you much has it?"

Naomi joined in with the laughter, relieved that the tension had depleted for the time being.

"I have actually, more than you'd know," she stated once the laughter had subsided.

Emily nodded, "I expect that has something to do with Cook and your baby."

The blonde choked on the drink she had been sipping causing the barmaid who was cleaning their table to pat her on the back.

"I often wondered how different my life would have been if I'd had someone to take care of and who would love me unconditionally."

Naomi's heart broke slightly upon hearing those words. She now understood why Emily had been so defensive over her mother. She obviously still didn't have the love that Naomi knew she craved from Jenna. However the heartbreaking sentence didn't deter her from the fact that the love of her life thought she was a mother.

"A baby? I don't have a baby! Effy does though - Bethany. She's my god daughter actually. I looked after her a lot when she was born. Post natal stress you know. It wasn't the best period of Effy's life."

Emily sat and partially listened to Naomi telling her about her life in Bristol and living with her best friend. She thought back to the last time she had seen Effy and how her appearance and cold hearted nature had been so unlike her. _**"Post natal stress you know."**_

"Em. Em. You alright?"

"Yeah," she said, clearing her throat. She was still coming to terms with the fact that Effy had actually lied about Naomi, causing Emily to leave behind her past and hit rock bottom. Either Effy had lied or Naomi was a pretty good liar, even choking on her drink for effect.

The blonde excused herself and went to the toilet, leaving an impatient Emily behind, sat in her seat reading a text message from none other than Katie.

**Katie: Don't forget to use protection :-P**

Upon seeing Naomi, Emily had completely forgotton her reason for being in London, although it didn't escape her notice that she hadn't been in contact with Holly for over four hours. Panic started to settle in especially when Katie's mantra started repeating itself over and over again in her troubled mind.

_"I am over that shit with Naomi Campbell and I never have to see her again."_

After repeating the words to herself yet again, she gathered her belongings and headed for the exit, hoping against all hope that Naomi didn't see her. She knew she wouldn't be able to leave if she saw those blue oceans pleading with her to stay.

* * *

The blonde stared at her reflection, taking deep breaths. She found it hard to believe that she had been right as opposed to Effy who was usually all seeing. Emily Fletcher _was _her Emily after all. The Emily she still loved with every fibre of her being - their surprise meeting being proof of that.

"Right Naomi, just go out there and tell her the truth. Everything will be fucking fine."

She splashed water on her face and rearranged her make up before returning to her vacant table. Her face dropped as she looked towards the bar, hoping to spot the small brunette.

"Excuse me?" Naomi asked the bar maid who was clearing the opposite table. "Have you seen the girl who was here with me before?"

"She left about five minutes ago," she said non chalantly, unaware of the effect her sentence had on the now devastated blonde. "Her name isn't Emily by any chance is it?"

"What?"

"The girl you were with. Is her name Emily?"

"Yes, why?" she asked hopefully.

The woman held out the object in her hand and slid it along the table.

"She left her purse. Got all her details in there - card, address, everything. See she gets it alright will you?"

Naomi nodded and picked up the purse, studying it closely. A small smile spread across her face when she recognised the purse as the one she had given to Emily in their teenage years, only now it was slightly more battered and its flowery pattern had faded slightly.

"Oh don't worry, I'll see that she gets it."


	10. Emotions

**Hey! Sorry for the lack of updates - Got back from my holiday and lost all motivation to write. Didnt have a clue what to do with the story but once I started writing this chapter I couldn't stop. Wasn't intending to have Naomily interaction again in this chapter but it was necessary for the story to progress. Thanks for all feedback :) **

Emily walked as fast as she possibly could away from that pub and away from the girl who had affected her life so much. She replayed their last meeting in her mind over and over again. The way Naomi's eyes had lit up when blue eyes met brown once again if you didn't count the anger behind them when she first bumped into her spilling the coffee. Her blonde hair was several inches longer than it had been in college and was a lot more blonde - practically white. The loose waves surrounding her face fell gracefully, resembling an angel in Emily's eyes. She seemed sure of herself and a lot more mature - even looking after Effy's baby. Naomi Campbell - the girl who once demanded that all shops should have a dogs allowed sign and a baby's not allowed sign. What the fuck changed?

Deciding she was a safe enough distance away, Emily leaned against the nearest wall and took several deep breaths reminding herself to keep calm. She ran her fingertips down the scars on both her wrists and started to whimper when she remembered the raw pain she felt just before she attempted to end her life. Holly had escaped from her mind the second her brown eyes met with the blue pools belonging to that of the blonde. There was no way back for Holly now even if she came fighting, kicking and screaming trying to break through the protective barrier that had surrounded Emily since she was 17 years of age. At that moment, Emily didn't know how she could even comprehend starting a relationship where deep feelings of love could potentially be involved. Her relationship with Nathan was a safety net for her; a way to protect herself from the whispers and stares she would get if she was walking hand in hand with a woman rather than a muscly chap like Nathan. She cared deeply for her husband and although she was never in love with him, she did love him. She longed to be deeply in love again but couldn't even comprehend that thought. She was still damaged and only she could fix herself. How? She had no idea.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft angelic voice calling her name, the desperation in her tone not being missed by Emily. She could see the platinum blonde hair in the distance, making its way closer and closer to her. She hitched her rucksack back onto her shoulders, determined to continue on her way when a hand reached out and grabbed her wrist.

"What do you want Naomi?" Emily snapped, whilst snatching away her wrist from the blondes grasp and pulling down the sleeves of her jumper in attempt to hide the scarred skin.

She watched as Naomi's face was registered in shock for a split second before composing herself and retrieving something from her bag. She instantly recognised the object as her purse and looked for the hint of recognition to cross the blonde's face.

"You left this." she smiled, holding out the purse for Emily to take.

"Thanks."

"Looks like its been through a lot. I remember giving you that purse, you looked like you'd won the lottery."

Emily's eyes snapped up, "You remembered?"

" 'Course. I remember everything Ems."

The brunette smiled despite herself at the shortened use of her name. Naomi took the smile as an opportunity to invite Emily to finish the drink that they'd started. She glanced at the clock, mounted in the nearby wall.

"Look, I know you've got somewhere to be, but I think we could do with a chat. Don't you? Its been seven years after all."

"I suppose half an hour wouldn't hurt."

Naomi's eyes lit up and she led the way back to pub they had left mere minutes ago.

"Right, well here we are again."

Emily nodded, glancing around the pub once they were seated. They were in a quiet area, a fair distance away from the bar which was propped up by people who had obviously just arrived in London or were waiting to leave the city. Their luggage bags being a huge giveaway to the reason for their presence. Punters of different ages, sex and religions were propping up the bar and it was this that made Emily appreciate how diverse the capital city was.

"Ems, deaf or what?"

"Sorry," Emily shook her head from side to side, a slight blush covering her cheeks.

"I said how have you really been?" Naomi asked patiently. The sincerity in her voice brought tears to Emily's eyes immediately. Not once in this past year had someone asked how she was and genuinely wanted to know the answer. She wiped at her eyes to instinctively brush away any tears that were in danger of forming, her action not being missed by the concerned blonde.

"Em," Naomi's voice was close to a whisper as she reached her hand out a brushed the top of Emily's hand with the pad of her thumb. Emily flinched momentarily before relaxing at the comforting touch.

"What do you mean?" Playing dumb wasn't one of her strongest traits, but Emily expected Naomi to pacify her and not laugh in her face. "So you're mocking me now?"

She removed her hand from Naomi's grasp and looked down as she placed it in her lap to join her other one. She felt a smooth finger lift up her chin but she refused to move her eyes.

"Look at me Em," Emily did as she was told and allowed Naomi to brush away the few tears that had formed. "Its your eyes."

The blonde elaborated further when Emily gave her a questioning look.

"They're so expressive. That's one of the things I always remembered about you. I remember what they look like when you're happy, when you're angry or worried. And right now they're full of hurt and sadness. The last time I remember seeing them like that was when you found the tickets for Cyprus on my bedside table." She was trying hard to steady her voice but found it difficult with the emotion behind her words.

"When you told me you were going I thought it was an empty threat Naoms and then when I found them my heart just broke in half. I don't think my eyes or my heart have been the same since then, but you're the first one to notice."

"I think you've just broken _my_ heart by telling me that," Naomi admitted, the tears now flowing freely over her cheeks.

Emily was taken aback by Naomi's honesty her obvious show of emotion. She closed her eyes as the now mature Naomi started to use her thumb to stoke her cheek, relishing in the affection she was being shown. They broke apart as the bar maid from earlier started clearing away glasses and left over plates from their table, belonging to the previous occupants.

"Don't mind me lovies, I'll be out your hair in a sec."

"Its no bother," Emily stood up and wiped at her eyes, "I'm just going to clean myself up." She headed for the toilets totally aware of Naomi's eyes fixed to the back of her retreating form.

"She wants you to follow her you know," the barrnaid smiled at the look of disbelief on the blonde's face. "And if I didn't know better I'd say that what you want to do too," she finished her sentence with a wink.

"You don't know an Effy Stonham do you?"

"No, why?" the barmaid laughed.

"I just think you'd get on really well," she left the chuckling barmaid to carry on with her cleaning and headed straight for the toilets, in search for her broken Emily.

"Get a grip of yourself," Emily murmured to her reflection in between splashing water on her tear stained face. She lifted her shaky hand and pushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear in attempt to make herself look more presentable. The action caused her sleeve to slip further down her arm, revealing the scars that she was trying to forget. She covered it up upon hearing footsteps approaching the door and escaped to the nearest toilet cubicle.

"Em?"

"I'm fine, I'll be out in a minute."

Naomi positioned herself on one of the sinks and waited for the once red head to emerge from the only engaged cubicle. Her patience wavered slightly after ten minutes and she tentatively knocked on the door.

"Ems, come out?"

The door opened several minutes later to reveal a puffy eyed Emily. "I thought you'd gone."

"_You_ thought _I'd_ gone?" Emily nodded. "I thought you'd gone and done a JJ on me."

"A JJ?" Emily asked with apparent confusion.

"Oh it's a long story but basically on his first date with his now wife, he tried to escape from her through a toilet window. Think he was a bit freaked out."

"What, JJ's married?"

"Yeah, they've got a son too. Albert. JJ treats him like his own."

"Wow."

"Yeah, who would've thought it? Look Em, I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't," Emily answered hastily, "Its just me. My heads all over the place lately."

"Yeah, my mum was the same when she divorced my dad but that could be because he did an unexpected runner from our lives." She covered her mouth with her hand and her eyes widened when she realised what she had said. Naomi was getting caught up between the information Emily had told her about her life as herself and as Holly.

"Sorry but what's your mums divorce got to do with _me_?" the question wasn't spiteful it was just genuine curiosity which Naomi noticed.

"Nothing, I just, I mean she was a mess too and," she paused as she saw the tears well up in Emily's eyes yet again. "Come here will you?"

The blonde gently pulled the brunette towards her and comforted her the best way she could, whispering words of comfort whilst rubbing her hands up and down the smaller girls back, where she could feel her spine through her clothes. She hadn't noticed before how thin Emily had gotten due to the layers of clothes she was wearing but when she really looked at her she could tell she wasn't looking after herself properly.

Naomi released her grip slightly and kissed Emily's forehead. She was momentarily frozen in place when she realised how natural it felt to have the brunette back in her arms and how she hadn't objected to her display of affection.

She kissed Emily's forehead, followed by both her eyelids that were lightly closed, her cheeks and her button nose. She paused before kissing her lips lightly and started to kiss more forcefully when she felt it being reciprocated. Naomi ran her hands down the sides of Emily's arms and managed to pin them against the wall above her head. Glancing up in between kisses she noticed the marks on Emily's wrists causing alarm bells to chime so loudly in her head. Effy. Effy was a mess, all over the place when Naomi had returned home one day to find her sitting on the bathroom floor, pool of blood surrounding her. She couldnt bare the thought that something similar had happened to the love of her life and she hadnt been there to help her through her turmoil.

"Em, what's?"

Naomi felt a sharp pain when she was pushed by her shoulders and her back met the edge of the sink counter.

"Don't Naomi. You can't just kiss me and expect things to go back to normal. For me to trust you with my life again. I did that once before remember and look how that turned out."

"No I didn't…"

"So what you just expect me to fall into your arms and for us to grow old together? You and I against the world?"

"No, I mean yes, but…"

Emily shook her head and bristled past the blonde who it seemed was unable to string a coherent sentence together.

"Goodbye Naomi."

"Its not just Naomi."

"What? _Naomi _I've not got time for this. I'm tired, just so sick and tired of it."

"I mean, I'm her. I'm Holly too."

Several moments of silence passed by following Naomi's revelation. Emily never took her eyes off the door handle that her hand was currently gripped so hard to that the whites of her knuckles were clearly visible.

"So that's why you kissed me is it? To distract me from putting the pieces together and figuring out that you knew about my divorce?" Her sentence was met with one of the most uncomfortable silences either woman had ever endured. "You're un-fucking-believable Naomi."

The helpless blonde sunk to the floor trying hard to control the sobs that were wracking her body and watched as Emily shut the door, leaving her behind once again.


	11. She cares

**Here is the next installment. Thank you so much for all of your reviews, makes writing a whole lot easier. Hope you enjoy it and please feel free to leave a review. Thanks :)**

Emily fled from the pub for the second time that day but not before making sure she gathered all of her belongings together first. She pushed her way through the crowded street not bothering to apologise to the pedestrians she bumped into. She was currently devoid of any emotion apart from the anger that was coursing through her veins. Emily completely avoided both the coach and train station for fear of a confrontation with Naomi who in her eyes had destroyed her life. Anger aside, the brunette couldn't deny how fucking heart wrenchingly wonderful it felt to have Naomi's tender lips locked with her own once again.

The kiss had been totally unexpected and Emily could feel her heartbeat quicken the nearer Naomi's lips reached her own. Her heart practically jumped out of her chest when their lips were reunited after so long and she didn't even think twice about reciprocating the sweet kiss. Then _that_ moment happened; the moment where the lust in Naomi's azure eyes was replaced with concern and Emily just knew that Naomi had seen the extent of her misery. She cursed Naomi for pinning her arms up allowing the sleeves of her thin jumper to fall down her arms and cursed herself for letting her. Even more unexpected than the kiss came the revelation that Holly, the girl that Emily had fallen for was actually Naomi, her first love and the girl she was actually trying to move on from.

"Packet of Lambert and Butler please and a bottle of your best vodka."

Emily handed over her cash for the goods that she hoped would calm her down. She wasn't far wrong. Just one lungful of the nicotine and she felt as though she could take on the world. She didn't know why on earth she thought it was a good idea to give up smoking in the first place if they had this calming effect on her.

"Miss. Miss," Emily glanced at the cashier who was patiently waiting to hand her the change.

"Oh sorry, got carried away for a moment there."

"No problem, just make sure you go outside," she gave the cashier a questioning look and followed his pointing finger to the no smoking sign.

She nodded her head and carried on her way along the busy streets of London. Where she was on her way to though was the question that was running through her troubled mind. She hadnt booked a hotel because 'Holly' had told her she would take her to a place that was practically free it was so cheap. Going home wasn't an option as Katie would ask relentless questions about what caused her twin to arrive home three days earlier than expected. She could just say that Holly hadn't turned up but she didn't want to feel even more of a fool than she already did, even if she was lying to her sister. She could always go for the truth but then that would involve the kiss and possibly a trip down to Bristol as she tried to stop Katie from hurting Naomi and exacting revenge on Effy for the whole rock incident.

Emily's feet carried her to a nearby internet café where looked at various places nearby that she could stay for a couple of nights until she decided what she was going to do. Seeing as her funds were pretty low until the cheque Katie used to pay her sister back had cleared, she was forced to look at hostels. Even though she would rather a room to herself, Emily found that the more people she shared with the cheaper the accommodation was.

An underground train later and Emily arrived in Picadilly where she found her Hostel almost instantly. She eventually managed to find her room after checking in, and found it unoccupied although it was obvious that people were already staying there due to the luggage and random objects scattered on the floor. She stepped over a pair of hair straightners and threw her stuff and herself on to the top bunk of her bed. She made her self comfortable and waited in anticipation as the voices she could hear outside the room grew louder the nearer they got to the door.

"So then I said to him -"

Emily looked towards the guy whose sentence came to an abrupt halt when he spotted her looking down at him from the top bunk. He was accompanied by two girls who had the spanish look about them - long dark hair, olive skin that was a lot deeper than Freddie's and a slight accent from what she could hear when they were on the other side of the door.

"Well, well we have a newcomer. I'm Susie. Pleased to meet you," she reached up her hand for Emily to shake and showed off her perfectly white teeth.

"I'm Emily."

"And these are my friends Martine and Bruno," Susie smiled turning around and pointing to the two friends who nodded curtly by way of a greeting.

Emily learnt that her first assumption was correct and that the girls were indeed Spanish. Bruno had flown all the way from America, using England as his third stop on his tour of Europe. At first glance Emily had assumed him to be British what with his pale complexion but he assured her, as he looked at her through his thick rimmed glasses, that not all American's were born with the gift to tan so easily.

"Just look at Lindsay Lohan," he finished.

"Fair point," Emily laughed.

"So Emily," Martine spoke up for the first time, "Would you like to accompany us on the pub crawl tonight?"

"I don't know if they told you when you checked in but every couple of nights this place organises a pub crawl to welcome new guests," Bruno chipped in sensing Emily's confusion.

"Its great, no queues whatsoever. You get a fast pass," Susie grinned, excitement dancing in her green eyes which Emily thought were rather beautiful, although not quite as captivating as Naomi's. She mentally berated herself when she made the comparison between the girl sat in front of her and the girl with the supermodel name.

"Erm, sounds great but I'm a bit strapped for cash for the next couple of days."

"Nonsense," Martine tutted, "That is a bottle of vodka sat on your bed isn't it?" Emily nodded in reply.

"Well drink that before we leave and we have this for the club," she looked towards Bruno who winked at her as he held up a small bag of powder which was more than likely Coke or MDMA.

The brunette silently weighed up her options. She could either stay in and mope over the whole Naomi/Holly situation or get royally fucked up like she used to in college and forget about all of the shit even if it was only for one night. It was a no-brainer.

"What the fuck. Count me in."

* * *

"So Cook, flirting and banter aside," Effy raised her eyebrow at her husband and smirked. "I've been thinking that I should meet Arsia if she is going to be playing a part in Bethany's life. I was thinking maybe…"

Her sentence trailed off when she noticed Cook's face had paled and he was looking like he had seen a ghost.

"Well if you don't want to that fine but I thought you were serious -"

"Since when have I been Cook to you?" he cut in. "Apart from college obviously but ever since Bethany I've always been James."

"You're not mine anymore though are you?" Effy stated, regret laced with her tone.

"Listen Eff…"

Both jumped as the door slammed shut, shattering the pane of glass.

"Fucking hell what's up with Blondie?"

Effy sighed and followed her disgruntled friend up the stairs, leaving Cook alone at the kitchen table. She could hear muttered curses and several thumps as she approached Naomi's bedroom and took a deep breath before entering her bedroom.

"Don't you ever knock?"

"Since when do I knock?" Effy retorted. She walked over to where Naomi was sat and perched herself on the floor next to her dripping wet form.

"Raining out is it?"

"Jeez you're inquisitive aren't you?"

"She didn't show up I take it?"

"Oh she showed up alright. I told you didn't I?"

"What?" Effy didn't even try to decipher what Naomi was on about being too emotionally drained from her discussion with Cook.

"Emily. I told you she was _my _Emily. But you being all seeing just had to be right. If I'd just asked her if she was Emily Fitch straight out then none of this would have happened."

Several moments of silence passed them before Effy spoke up.

"What happened? Start from the beginning."

Naomi swallowed back a sob and felt Effy grip her hand, rubbing her thumb over the grazes she had just acquired on her knuckles by punching the wall in frustration.

"She bumped into me in the station and knocked her coffee all over my shirt. I was so fucking angry until I realised who it was and I knew deep down that she was there to meet Holly. I persuaded her to go for a drink with me and we talked for a bit."

"What did she say?"

"We were just chatting about Katie, her family but her mum's a bit of a touchy subject I think. She completely closed off when I mentioned her. Oh yeah and I had to convince her that I wasn't Bethany's mum. She actually thought I had a baby and get this - Cook was the dad. Honestly!"

Effy's face paled just as Cooks had done earlier.

"Wh.. What else did she say?" Effy stuttered nervously.

"Well after dropping the bombshell that I was actually Bethany's godmother and not her mum I went to the toilet and came back and she was gone. I managed to catch her up though and persuaded her to finish the drink with me. We went back to the pub, we talked and then she excused herself and went to the toilet."

"She didn't do another fucking runner did she?"

"No," Naomi laughed before her tone turned serious. "I followed her and after a second opportunity to tell her about Holly, she started crying and I just held her. She was so fucking broken, so thin and frail looking. Anyway I kissed her, and it was all innocent at first. I kissed her forehead but once my lips had touched her skin I just couldn't stop. When I finally reached her lips she kissed me back."

"Sounds like it went well to me."

Naomi debated her next sentence for fear of upsetting Effy who was whispering words of encouragement when she saw tears forming behind the blonde's eyes. She didn't want to tell her about something that would be so personal to Emily, even though Effy would understand more than anyone about harming herself. She also didn't want to break the brunette by forcing her to relive her own memory of her attempt at suicide.

"It _was_ going well. One touch of Emily's lips and I was alive again as cheesy as that may sound. She just pulled away and said she had to go but I didn't want her to, so I shouted after her telling her I was Holly. She accused me of kissing her to distract her from the fact that she'd nearly blown my cover when I mentioned divorce. When she left, her eyes were just so fucking filled with hatred and I've never seen them like that before."

Effy threw an arm around Naomi and pulled her close to her chest rubbing soothing circles on her back. Both girls jumped as a loud buzzing emanated throughout the room. Naomi reached for her phone that was left charging on her bedside table. She handed over the phone after reading the message.

"You've ruined my life," Effy read aloud. "Emily?"

"Got it in one."

"She loves you."

Naomi raised an eyebrow and giggled. "Cheers for trying to cheer me up but its still too soon for Emily related jokes."

"Let me ask you this Naomi. If Sophia did to you what you did to Emily what would you do?"

"Nothing because I wouldn't care."

"Exactly. She cares Naomi. She cares." Effy kissed Naomi and bid her goodnight before leaving her to her own devices.

The blonde lay in bed, her thoughts preoccupied with Emily and what might have happened if she hadn't caught up with her to return her purse. The purse! Naomi scrambled to the edge of the bed and rummaged through her bag grabbing the two items that she wanted. She turned the business card over and read it from top to bottom. 'Lets Get Fitched' was emblazoned in gold letters followed by an address in Liverpool which was her closest link to Emily. A phone call wouldn't do, she had to prove herself and fight for the girl she loved all along. The possibility of facing the toxic twin and her equally as toxic mother didnt even deter her. It couldn't be _that _bad could it?

She picked up the second item and ripped it in half, keeping her favourite side of the photo in her hand. She gently stroked Emily's face and noted that even though she was smiling, it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I let you go once before and I'm not letting you go again. You're stuck with me Emily Fitch."


	12. The bitch is back

**Here's the next update. Can't seem to stop writing at the minute. I admit it's looking bleak for our favourite couple but nothing they can't work through I'm sure. This was originally going to be a short filler but turned out to be longer than anticipated. Thankyou to everyone who takes the time to read and/or review. Love you all. Anyhow, on with the chapter…**

It had been only one week in which Naomi's life started to have meaning again. She clung to the hope that she could just turn up in Liverpool, win Emily back and that would be it. She knew things would never be that simple however with both girls having had their fair share of heart ache and misery over the years, but it didn't hurt to dream especially on a 4 hour train journey.

The train pulled into Lime Street Station with the platform getting noticeably busier as passengers emerged from the arriving trains. After squeezing through crowds of people and side stepping several pigeons, Naomi finally made it into the open air. She didn't have a clue where she was going and wasn't even sure if the business premises were in the city centre. For all she knew it could be 15 miles away on the outskirts of Liverpool itself. She took one last look at the business card that she had kept religiously in her purse, and mentally noted the first line of the address: 33 Bold Street. She could hear the sound of a busker in the distance and followed the sound through an underground tunnel. She regretted it almost immediately when the stench of piss overpowered her senses.

The blonde glanced around in attempt to find someone who looked approachable enough to ask for directions. She learnt not to be stereotypical by thinking that all old women were sweet and friendly when in fact some of them could be plain bloody rude.

"Excuse me," the old lady tried to manoeuvre around Naomi but she was very persistent and breathed a sigh of relief when she gained the woman's attention. "Could you tell me where Bold Street is please? I mean is it in the centre? Actually," she babbled on, "You might know where 'Let's Get Fitched' is?"

"Bloody tourists, wasting my time again," she grumbled leaving Naomi looking taken aback at the woman's hostility. "Do I look like a bloody information service?"

"I only asked," she shouted to the back of the retreating figure.

"Bold Street you say?"

"Huh?" Naomi turned to see the busker smiling at her.

He placed the strap of his saxophone around his shoulder and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. He wrote directions down for Naomi who was surprised by his kindness and ashamed that she opted to ask the old lady over himself because of his trainers that were peeling from the uppers and had several worn holes in his trousers.

"Thank you very much," she smiled.

"You're very welcome Miss."

Naomi paused as she started to walk away and turn back round, dropping a five pound note into his hat that was sitting on the floor next to him. He gave her a wink as he continued playing a tune that Naomi immediately recognised as 'Greensleeves.'

She cut through the shopping centre just like the directions indicated and resisted the urge to run into the food court and grab the first thing she saw as she had more pressing matters to attend to. Her grumbling stomach could wait. When she reached the bottom of Bold street, she took a tremendous sigh at the length of the road and noticed a few of the side streets making it look more like a maze. The shop would probably be closed by the time she found it and that was if she did at all. She was lost in her own little world imagining what she would say if she came face to face with Emily, when she spotted none other than Katie Fitch on the opposite side of the road. Well she heard her first gabbing away on the phone, her lisp still apparent. She remained a safe distance behind her old nemesis and came to an abrupt stop much to the dismay of the people walking directly behind her. Katie had entered her premises and Naomi wondered how the hell she could have missed it. A huge 'Let's Get Fitched' sign hung out over the street, practically reaching the roadside. The blonde leaned against the nearest wall and lit up a well-needed cigarette if she was to deal with the more aggressive twin. After several puffs, Naomi decided she was brave as she could be and entered the shop not wanting to waste anymore time. A bell sounded as she opened the door and the unmistakeable voice of Katie rang out from what Naomi presumed to be the stock room.

"I'll be out in a sec."

Naomi turned her back facing away from the counter and took the opportunity to observe her surroundings. A wedding dress and a couple of matching bridesmaid dresses were on display in the window which were extravagant to say the least. Saying that, Naomi was surprised that the dresses were so classy given Katie's sense of style in college. A podium with a bouquet of flowers on sat in the corner next to the dresses which Naomi learnt were artificial after she leant forward and stroked one of the petals. Several picture frames hung on the wall and all consisted of different couple's wedding days with them presumably wearing the Fitch brand. Her breath hitched when she spotted a photograph of Emily on her wedding day looking radiant with her red hair tied up eloquently in a bun with her husband by her side grinning from ear to ear.

"She looks beautiful doesn't she?" Katie commented breaking Naomi out of her reverie. "Anyway, how can I -"

Katie was stunned into silence when the blonde haired woman who was staring at the picture of her twin turned around and revealed her face.

"Wow. Katie Fitch lost for words. Will wonders never cease?"

"What the fuck are you doing here? What do you want?" Katie regained her composure.

"What do you think?"

The brunette shook her head. "See you're the same sarcastic cow you were in college."

"And I see you still the same false bitch you were. You ever going to let that smile falter?"

"Only when your does," Katie gave Naomi a sickly sweet smile before adding, "If its Emsy you're here for then you're wasting your time. She not here."

"Its okay I'll wait."

"No you won't when I say she's not here I mean she's gone away," she stated. She smirked to herself when she realised she had the upper hand. "She's actually gone to see her girlfriend. Spoke to her this morning and she's having a blast."

Naomi rolled her eyes frustrating Katie with the fact she didn't get more of a reaction.

"Yeah her girlfriend in London. Mum loves her. Its all Holly this and Holly that. Quite sweet that she came round to the idea actually but then again maybe it was just you she was against for corrupting-"

"Cut the crap Katie. We both know there's no Holly."

The confusion started to wash over Katie's face, in turn puzzling Naomi. Either Katie genuinely believed Emily had a girlfriend called Holly or she was a really good actress.

"What are you on about Naomi? Not that its anything to do with you but I have a message from Emily telling me she's staying in London for the rest of the week. And yes with Holly."

"Shit," Naomi combed her fingers through her blonde locks as she paced back and forth.

"Do you mind Naomi, you're kind of wearing a hole in the carpet. Now tell me what the fuck you're doing here."

It wasn't a request, more of an order and Naomi knew she could either run from the problem like she used to or face it head on. She opened her mouth to tell her side of the story when the bell sounded through the shop followed by the excited chatter of a couple of women.

"Look, come back here at 5 o'clock and we'll talk then ok."

Naomi glanced at her watch, "You're kidding me. That's four hours away!"

"If you don't think anything regarding Emily is worth sticking around for then fine. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Despite the front she was putting on, the fact that Naomi had turned up in Liverpool claiming there was no Holly was starting to worry the twin and she couldn't get rid of the niggling feeling that Naomi knew more about her sister than she was letting on.

"You're so… irritating," Naomi huffed. "I'll see you at five."

"Oh and Campbell."

Naomi turned her head towards Katie, her hand resting on the door handle.

"Get us a bottle of wine will you? Think I'm gonna need it."

* * *

The blonde had taken the four hours as an opportunity to experience the Capital of Culture first hand, and apart from nearly being squashed to death on the elevator in Liverpool One, she found the experience rather enjoyable. She tried to see as much as she could seeing that she didn't know when she would be visiting the city again, although she secretly hoped her visits would become more frequent if her and Emily could get back on track. She did as requested and met Katie at five - bottle of wine in hand. Both women walked side by side up Bold Street, with an awkward silence hanging over them. Naomi came to a sudden halt and stared at the desolate building before her with the overgrown plants and trees draped over the opening where the windows once existed.

"Erm, why the fuck are you staring at an old church?"

"It's amazing isn't it how its still stood here after being practically destroyed during the war," Naomi stated, continuing despite Katie's eye roll. "What? It is. The building its just an empty shell, desolate broken and yet beautiful at the same time."

"You're such a loser," Katie scoffed, obviously having not lost any of her college charm.

"Kind of reminds me of Emily," Katie's eyes snapped to Naomi's in an instant at the mention of her twin. "So beautifully broken."

"Very touching I'm sure but you know absolutely nothing about Emily. She may be beautiful but she's certainly not broken, at least not anymore."

Naomi was tempted to tell Katie to open her eyes, that any fool could see that Emily was unhappy despite the smiles and laughter but she didn't want to blow the opportunity to get Katie on her side.

"You know best," she smiled and to her surprise Katie missed the sarcasm. "So where are we going?"

* * *

Half an hour later and the girls arrived at the twins' apartment, overlooking the Albert Dock. Naomi took a seat on the leather couch and fluffed up the cushions behind her.

"Don't get too comfy Campbell. We're only here because believe it or not we're well known around here so would want anyone overhearing our conversation."

The blonde ignored the remark and explained the whole situation from her 'accidental' meeting with Emily at the train station, to her breakdown in the toilets and the text message she received saying she'd ruined Emily's life. She continued with her story despite the interruptions from Katie such as 'bitch' and 'can't believe you did that' to 'I can't believe she kissed you.' She let Katie process her thoughts until the waiting became unbearable.

"So what do you think?"

Katie didn't answer straight away and instead covered her face in attempt to hide the tears which eventually turned into muffled sobs. Naomi allowed the twin the time to compose herself, not knowing if she would want comforting or to be left to her own devices. The bitchy exterior was non-existent and for the first time, Naomi realised how vulnerable Katie actually was.

She settled with opening the bottle of wine and filling up two empty glasses that she found on the draining board. She returned to the living room and shuffled closer to sobbing figure on the couch, placing her hand on her arm. When she had her attention, Naomi handed Katie the glass of wine and watched as she swallowed a mouthful and grimaced.

"That wine's fucking awful."

"Hey I'll have you know its Tesco's finest."

"I know you're wondering what got me so upset. And I know you've probably guessed what Emily did to herself."

"You're on about her wrists?"

Katie nodded glumly and took another gulp of her wine. "Well that's not the half of it. Months before she did it she started drinking and taking all sorts of drugs, shutting the rest of us out and we didn't have a clue what was wrong with her. We'd been living up here for over a year so it couldn't have been the move that affected her because she was fine before. Well that's what I thought anyway. It took me that year away from Bristol to realise how much she did actually love you so I encouraged her to visit you, sort of give her closure you know?"

Naomi nodded to let Katie know she was still listening.

"So she took my advice for once and got the train to Bristol."

"I didn't see her," Naomi interrupted.

"She saw you though. You were pushing a pram and I remember her texting me straight away to tell me. I just told her to go to your house the next day and see for herself. She did and saw you yet again, but this time Effy told her about you and Cook and how you wouldn't want to see her. You'd moved on and were happy."

Naomi tried to digest what Katie was telling her - that her best friend had lied to her and she had no idea why.

"But .."

"Look I don't know why Effy lied okay? But that's why Emily thought you were that kid's mum. When she got home she seemed alright about it. There were no tears, no screaming, she was just put on this façade that she was fine and I believed her. I was too wrapped up in myself to see that she was fucking hurting. It was only when I came home from college to find Emily slumped against our bathroom wall with a bottle of vodka on one side of her and a…" she trailed off but Naomi knew what she was implying so just squeezed Katie's hand to assure her that she understood. "At that point I knew I'd failed her as a sister. All of the warning signs were there and we'd all dismissed them as if they were nothing."

Naomi pulled Katie forward into a hug as years of guilt were finally released, forcing her to choke on her own words.

"There was so much blood Naomi and I don't want her to feel that low again. It hit home when you said she seemed broken so what if she does something stupid?"

Naomi didn't have an answer. It hit her how unfamiliar she was with the Emily she met in London. If her own twin was questioning her state of mind, then surely that was something to worry about.

"I've got to find her," Katie moved away from the embrace and started to wipe the mascara away from her eyes with her finger. "Did she tell you where she was staying?"

"I was supposed to be showing her a place but that was before I knew she was my - sorry - _your _Emily. Did she ring you from a payphone when you spoke to her?"

"She used her mobile like any other normal person would," Katie snapped. "Fuck, she could be anywhere."

Naomi bit back a retort and tried to think of other possibilities.

"Can you not check her emails? Chances are she booked somewhere online, its sometimes cheaper that way."

"Worth a try I suppose," she agreed dejectedly. She held her hand out to stop Naomi reaching for the laptop on the coffee table in front of her and gestured for her to follow her into Emily's bedroom.

"Use hers, might have auto sign in. I don't know her password," she added following Naomi's confused expression.

"I'm just going to get cleaned up, let me know if you find anything."

Katie obviously didn't have faith in Naomi's idea, because if she did, Naomi was sure she would have wanted to take control over the situation and be the first to find out where her twin was 'hiding'.

Katie was right, once she'd typed hotmail in the address bar, she was automatically directed to Emily's email inbox. She scrolled through the whole list of emails, and swallowed back the guilt when she came across a couple of emails from herself. When she reached emails from 2009, she started to give it up as a lost cause when she noticed a sub-folder titled 'purchases'.

Upon opening the folder, she was greeted with emails from auction sites and the coach company she'd travelled with, but her eyes were caught upon the most recent of her purchases. She opened the email and to her delight, found just what they were looking for.

"Campbell you genius."

Naomi jumped when she realised Katie had been looking over her shoulder the entire time.

"Do you think she'll still be there?"

"Only one way to find out. Looks like we're going to Picadilly."

"We?" Naomi questioned.

"Well yeah. Don't go bailing on me now. She may not admit it but she needs you just as much as she needs me."

Naomi was stunned into silence. Since when had Katie Fitch become so intuitive? She didn't know if it was just raw emotion from Katie's confession about how bad things were for Emily or the fact that

the toxic twin was being civil towards her that made her eyes well up causing her to feel the familiar prickling feeling as tears threatened to surface.

"Fucks sake don't go all hormonal on me now," she returned Naomi's hug from earlier. "Just so we're clear, we're calling this a truce. It doesn't mean I like you. Lezzer."

Naomi chuckled lightly as she freed herself from Katie's grasp. She may have witnessed Katie's vulnerable and insecure side, but in her own way, she had let Naomi know that the bitch was back.


	13. Picadilly

**Cheers for all of your reviews, much appreciated :-). This one's the longest chapter so far as I didn't really want to split it into two parts. Sorry for any mistakes. (I did go through it but my eyes decieve me when I'm tired!)**

"The train arriving at platform 10 is the 6.30 pm train from Liverpool to London Victoria."

"Right this is us," Katie stated upon hearing the station announcer, breaking Naomi from her reverie. She barely had time to think before she was being dragged towards the train doors by a determined Katie.

"I want a fucking good seat okay," she said in response to Naomi's exasperated look.

Both women had been seated for ten minutes before the train started to make its hasty descent out of Liverpool. The carriage was silent save for the rumbling of the train and frequent mutterings coming from Katie's mouth. Her brow was furrowed in concentration as she focussed on the screen of her i-phone.

"Done!" she exclaimed, gaining the blonde's attention. "Managed to book us as room at the hostel just for tonight. Don't want to stay there any longer than necessary."

"And what if we can't find her?"

Katie ignored the question and stared out the window, watching the trees pass by in a blur of green and brown. What _if _they couldn't find her? She couldn't even comprehend the thought that she might not know if her twin was safe or not. It would help if she would at least return her calls or reply to her text messages.

"Have you tried texting her again? Maybe ringing her?"

"Have you?" Katie snapped.

"She not exactly going to respond to me is she?" she retorted. She let a few minutes pass so she could bite back several other retorts that were on the tip of her tongue before speaking again. "But yes I _have _tried."

"Why do you even care? I know you feel bad about all the Holly stuff but if you think about it - she left you in the first place." Katie was offering Naomi a way out of the messy situation and told herself she was testing Naomi to see how much solidarity she had for her twin.

"She _did_ leave me but I don't believe she would have if I hadn't been such a fucking coward. Did she ever tell you what happened the last day we saw each other?"

"_I'll miss you."_

_Three words was all it took for Emily to cause a huge crack in Naomi's walls causing any thoughts she had of leaving the girl stood there diminish completely. _

_Naomi halted before spinning on her heel and walking determinedly to her first love and pinning her against the lockers in a heated, frenzied kiss. _

"_I can't stand it, I can't." Naomi gasped breathlessly in between kisses._

"_Its okay, its okay," Emily consoled. _

_The were interrupted by the sound of a class starting to the round the corner after undoubtedly finishing their exams. _

"_Let's get out of here," Naomi said, dragging Emily along with her. They ran as fast as their legs would allow them to, completely disregarding Freddie who for a fleeting moment thought the younger twin was his ex-girlfriend. Had she not been too wrapped up in dirty thoughts of her blonde, Emily would have taken deep offence at being mistook for her twin, despite wearing her wardrobe._

_Both girls were walking hand in hand as fast as they could although Naomi was at an advantage with her height and her flats on, causing her to be several steps ahead of Emily who tugged on her hand to get her attention. _

"_Naomi where…."_

_Her sentence was cut short by soft, supple lips placed hastily on her own. She was taken aback by the urgency in the kiss and slowed Naomi down, consciously aware of their surroundings. The college grounds were deserted minus a few late comers who were too preoccupied to notice the girls who on close inspection, were very clearly in love, even if they didn't know it yet. _

_Naomi tugged on Emily's hand urging her to move forward but she resisted and removed her hand from the firm grasp. _

"_What's the matter?" Naomi asked impatiently, her tone of voice not being missed by the twin. _

"What's the matter_?" Naomi nodded when Emily fired her own question back at her incredulously. "Ever since our night at the lake I've just been your dirty little secret. Barely 10 minutes ago you told me you just wanted to be friends and now you're acting like if you don't get me in your bed you'll self combust. Friends don't do that Naomi." _

"_I know Em," Naomi muttered. "Look how about we go back to mine and talk there? My mum's out."_

"_Because heaven forbid anyone sees us together."_

"_No. I was going to say she's out so we won't be disturbed," she replied adding a wink in for good measure. _

_The minute she stepped into Naomi's room, she found herself pinned up against the door and couldn't resist the urge to let out a moan when the blondes lips met her neck. _

"_Nai," Emily groaned. "We need to talk." _

_Naomi reluctantly pulled back from the object of her affections and silently rewarded herself for having the willpower to pull away from such beauty. She perched herself on the edge of her bed and patted the space next to her by way of inviting Emily to sit next to her. _

"_I've been thinking Nai and I want to tell people."_

"_That your gay?" Naomi asked casually._

"_I want to tell them about us. I'll tell my parents tonight and they may not be pleased but as long as you and me are together that's all that matters right? I can't do any of this without knowing you'll be there to support me. Support us."_

"_Em," the blonde attempted to interrupt Emily who was going off on a tangent. She could hear the words college, love ball, forever. All of a sudden she was hit with the realisation that this was all moving so fucking fast and she was trying her hardest to catch up. _

"_I'm in this for the long term this isn't just one - "_

"_Emily stop. Just listen okay." she grabbed Emily's hand so tightly that she was sure she was in danger of cutting of the girls circulation but Emily never flinched. She just stared at Naomi with her puppy dog eyes, almost breaking her. _

"_I'm not _like_ you are."_

"_What do you mean?"_

_Naomi tried her hardest to word her next few sentences perfectly for fear of hurting the sensitive twin like she had done several times previously. _

"_I'm not sure like you are. This, us. I don't know what it is I just know I've never felt feelings this strong before. But I don't know if I'm gay."_

"_So you like boys too? You're bi? That's fine. Most people-"_

"_Emily would you just stop for one minute please," Naomi snapped, standing to her feet and pacing the room. _

"_The thing is what if I only like boys apart from you?"_

"_So what I'm just you're fucking experiment?" Emily raised her voice, causing Naomi, who had never witnessed Emily's angry side, to flinch. _

"_I thought you were all about experiments Ems, remember?" Naomi regretted the words the second they left her mouth, and she closed her eyes and waited for the backlash that never came. It was a low blow and she knew it. Naomi could deal with the look of anger on Emily's face, but seeing the disappointment etched onto her features broke her heart, especially when she knew she was the cause for such disappointment. _

"_I'm sorry, that just kind of slipped out. I'm such a fucking tit." she covered her face with her hands trying to force back the tears threatening to fall. _

"_Just come to the college ball with me." Naomi had to strain her ears to hear Emily's hopeful voice. "If nobody likes it then its us against them. It will always be us against the world."_

"_I can't Em. I'm just not ready. Are you really ready to be judged just because we-" she paused mid-sentence debating her next word. How could she tell Emily she loved her when she couldn't do a thing as simple as going to a poxy college disco with her? _

"_Go on," Emily encouraged, clearly expecting Naomi to reveal her true feelings. _

"_Because we find each other attractive and enjoy spending time together." _

"_We can go as friends then. I just want you there because I hate to think who Katie's got lined up for me."_

"_I can't. When I said I was going to Cyprus I meant it. My flight's tomorrow. I just need time to just clear my head."_

"_Decide whether or not you want me you mean?"_

"_Emily that's not how it is."_

"_Oh I think that's exactly how it is. We're still holding hands through a cat flap aren't we?"_

_Emily asked in a timid voice, too scared to hear an answer that never came. The silence spoke volumes to her. Would Naomi ever be brave enough to fight for them? _

"_Shit," Naomi mumbled. _

"_Its okay," Emily stepped forward and cupped Naomi's face in both her hands wiping away the tears that were causing mascara tracks to run down the blonde's face. Her lips met Naomi's and she put as much feeling into the kiss as she could muster. They both pulled away breathlessly and placed both their foreheads against each other._

"_Why does this feel like goodbye?"_

_Emily tried not to break down at Naomi's words, willing herself to be strong for the both of them. _

"_It _is_ goodbye. For now. You're going to Cyprus remember?" She jokingly mocked. "I meant what I said when I said I'll miss you." _

_Naomi embraced the red head who despite putting on a strong façade, was slowly breaking inside. She released Emily from her grip and watched her head for her bedroom door. _

"_I'll see you when I get back, yeah?" _

_Emily didn't turn around, instead merely nodded her head in reply and swiftly exited the room for the final time, unbeknownst to either girl. _

"She never told me about any of that. But then again why would she? I wasn't exactly the supportive sister when she tried to come out to mum and dad. If I'd just stuck up for her then maybe things would have been different," Katie said regretfully.

"Don't do that Katie. I've been through the what if's so many times and it doesn't get you anywhere believe me. What if I just told her I loved her? What if I told her I'd go to the love ball? What if I didn't go to Cyprus? It makes no difference. It is what it is. Maybe we wouldn't have lasted back then. I came back from Cyprus to find a letter from her and she told me she believed that one day we would meet again when my walls no longer exist and when she has acceptance. I know for sure that my walls have gone."

"And who would have thought my little sister would be the one to break through that fucking exterior," Katie laughed. "That _is_ what you're getting at isn't it?" she added seriously.

"Yes Katie that's what I'm getting at," the blonde laughed.

* * *

Although it only took Katie and Naomi 20 minutes to use the underground and get to Picadilly, it took them nearly 40 minutes to actually find the hostel. They stopped walking to bicker amongst themselves and couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed when a passer by told them that they were actually stood outside the hostel itself.

"So, this is it then," Naomi stated, watching a group of unruly men exit the building. "It looks dodgy as fuck. Are you sure she'd stay here?"

"If she didn't have an email confirming her booking then I would have said not a chance in hell. All we have to do is get in there, find her and take her home. If she's not moved on that is. We'll ask around once we're settled."

Their room was situated on the third floor which caused Katie to grumble about having to lug her suitcase up three flights of stairs. Naomi couldn't understand how she could manage to fill a whole suitcase for just one night away considering she struggled to fill her small rucksack which was intended for several days use.

"Would you shut up Katie?" Naomi snapped when Katie continued complaining. "It's here now anyway."

"If you tried wearing heels once in a while then you'd understand why I'm fucking complaining."

Katie stormed in front of Naomi and opened the door to their bedroom for the night.

"Ah the life of luxury eh?" Naomi commented

Katie grimaced at the room and turned towards the blonde.

"You may be a sarcastic bitch, but you're damn right."

* * *

"He keeps staring," Naomi whispered to Katie motioning her head towards a young man who was watching them intently as they walked through the corridor after getting acquainted with their bedroom.

"Can you blame him?" Katie replied, indicating her cleavage.

"Have you had a _boob_ job?" Naomi asked, her voice reaching a higher octave.

"Shut the fuck up would you?" the brunette hissed through gritted teeth whilst glancing at the man who started to approach the bickering pair.

"Emily! Why aren't you at the bar?"

Upon getting closer to the more confident twin he realised his mistake.

"Shit, sorry. I should really introduce myself. I'm Bruno," he wiped his hands on his pants before holding out his hand for Katie to shake which she blatantly ignored.

"You know my sister?"

Bruno nodded and led both Katie and Naomi down to the bar. They took a minute to adjust to the darkened room and spotted Emily almost immediately, her features lit up by the light above the pool table.

"Thank fuck. Ems!" her twin shouted.

Naomi watched as Emily stumbled away from the pool table nearly toppling over but being saved last minute by Spanish girl, Susie who grabbed her by the hips. She took a drag from her cigarette and turned to face the duo. The closer she got to them, the more they could see the state of her appearance. Her complexion was paler than usual having lost its natural glow and dark circles accompanied her blood shot eyes that were currently facing in the direction of her sister and Naomi.

"I'll tell you what this is some good shit," she giggled, referring to the shot of tequila that she had just downed. "For a minute I thought I could see my twin and… who is it again?"

"Emily fucking look at me," Katie cupped Emily's face and stared straight into her eyes that were usually so similar to her own. "What the fuck have you taken?"

Emily giggled again, pushing herself away from Katie and walking back over to the pool table to take her turn, where Susie assisted her from behind, holding the cue with her. Bruno smirked at the pair and handed Emily a glass of what seemed to be vodka.

"You can bet that's not water," Naomi muttered to herself.

The glass was snatched out of her hands before she had a chance to take a sip.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Emily stepped towards Katie and placed her face a mere centimetre away from her. For a second Naomi thought she was going to head butt her and breathed a sigh of relief when Emily started to speak.

"Don't think. It makes life_ much_ easier."

She snatched the drink back and downed its contents receiving an appreciative cheer from the group behind her.

Naomi stood helplessly on the sidelines just observing the entire exchange, seemingly conflicted. Part of her wanted to grab hold of Emily and shake her, telling her how selfish she was being and the other part of her wanted to empathise with her. Katie approached the blonde, taking her by the wrist towards the bar.

"We're not leaving her here are we?"

"Don't be stupid Campbell. We're going to sit here and prop up the bar for a bit. I don't fucking trust that group she's with. Especially him." Naomi followed Katie's line of sight towards Bruno who was sat whispering to his friends, watching Emily's every move.

"Or her," Naomi muttered, watching Susie flirting with Emily shamelessly.

* * *

That bottle's going to break if you grip it any tighter," Katie chuckled.

Over an hour had passed since they had made their presence known to Emily. Ever since then, she had been in very close proximity with the Spanish girl, even more so since the group had dispersed leaving only the two of them and Bruno.

"She's doing it on purpose you know, the flirting," Katie started. "She's just trying to get a reaction from you. She needs to learn to deal with her problems better really. It's was she does in self-destruct mode so just don't pacify her and she'll come to you."

Her point was proven when Emily started to head in their direction. She was stopped in her tracks however when Bruno grabbed her by her wrist and sat her on the edge of the pool table. Their tongues met and Naomi shot up in her seat.

Katie placed her hand on Naomi's arm as reassurance. "He's giving her a fucking pill. I'm going to sort this."

Katie stormed over to where her sister was sat and pulled her off the table away from Bruno's strong hold. She turned towards Bruno and started shouting - what she was shouting Naomi couldn't hear because her attention had been diverted to Emily who was trying to steady herself against the table. Naomi started to approach her not caring if she pacified her or not. She could tell something wasn't right with the intoxicated twin. Her suspicions were correct as Emily threw up onto the Susie's shoes. She started cursing at Emily in her home tongue approached a disgruntled Bruno who followed her out of the bar like a lap dog.

"Oh what's up? Not good enough for you now is she?" Naomi shouted. She tried to prop Emily up despite her protests.

"How the fuck could she get herself into this state?" Katie asked.

"Quite easily I think. Reckon he's been slipping her pills all night."

"And who are you?" she asked the stranger who was addressing her.

"I'm Jeff, one of the casual bar staff. Seen his type before. I didn't actually see him do it but I think he may have been spiking her drink."

"And I suppose she didn't help drinking all those vodkas. Can you not put a stop to them dealing pills and shit?"

Jeff shrugged, "I need this job truthfully. I've pointed it out before they don't care as long as they get all the money they can. C'mon I'll help carry this one to your room."

It took them approximately ten minutes to get up three flights of stairs and it didn't help that Emily kept stopping to bring back up all the alcohol she'd consumed. Jeff kept reassuring the girls that it was fine and that he would clean it up on his way back down.

"You can't clean all this by yourself. I'll help, even if I just stand there holding the bucket at least I'll feel like I'm doing something."

Jeff chuckled, "Thanks, will make it more bearable if I have someone as sexy as you to distract me," he winked.

Naomi rolled her eyes as Katie completely fell for the bait, flirting back with him.

"Just wait there yeah," Katie told him when they reached the room. "I'll help sort her out then join you."

Katie filled up a glass with water from the bathroom and handed it to Emily who was sat on the edge of the bed, her head drooping slightly.

"Ems you dozy cow. Sip this. I _can _trust you to look after her can't I?" she turned to Naomi who merely nodded. "Right I'll leave you to it. I shouldn't be too long," she said whilst closing door.

Naomi picked up the bin and placed it at the side of the bed where Emily had seemingly passed out. She crouched down and brushed some errant hair's out of Emily's face which she started to stroke fondly.

"What are you doing to yourself Ems?"

Emily mumbled in her restless sleep in response, which brought a smile to Naomi's face. She kissed her forehead and started to get changed into her nightwear which consisted of a small pair of shorts and a vest top. She started to climb the ladders when a hand reached out for her ankle.

"Naomi?"

Naomi toppled backwards off the ladder in fright, seeing as she wasnt expecting a 'passed out' Emily to suddenly be awake.

"Do you need the bin?" she simply asked whilst rubbing the bottom of her back which she guessed would be bruised in the morning.

"I don't want to be on my own," her voice broke towards the end of her sentence.

Naomi ignored the tears that sprang from her own eyes upon hearing Emily's voice laced with tears. "You're not on your own Ems, I'm just up here okay?" she didn't want to leave the brunette alone but she couldn't face rejection in the morning if Emily couldn't remember Naomi and Katie even _being _there, let alone inviting her to share a bed.

Naomi started to climb to the top bunk yet again and lay there just listening to the sounds of party goers shouting at the top of their lungs accompanied by the distant rumbling of the bass of the local club's speakers. The sound of the noisy tenants wasn't enough to drown out the soft sobs coming from the bottom bunk. Naomi knew what she needed to do.

"Scoot over then," she smiled, peering her head through the ladder.

Emily pulled the blankets open and gestured for Naomi to get inside. They lay on their backs for the best part of fifteen minutes when Naomi started to nod off, assuming that Emily was already fast asleep.

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?" the blonde mumbled groggily, rousing from her sleepy state.

"For everything. I'm sorry," Emily choked.

Naomi's eyes remained closed as she lifted her arm up inviting Emily to curl into her, which she did, gripping onto her waist tightly.

"So am I Ems. So am I."


	14. Vulnerable

**A slightly shorter chapter this time. It's more of a filler before I decide where to go with the story. Got a little idea forming just having the problem of writing it all down! I love your reviews so keep 'em coming :-) Thanks a lot x**

Over the past week, Emily had grown quite accustomed to waking up feeling a little worse for wear. What she wasn't used to was the familiar scent of a certain blonde filling up her senses. It took Emily a moment to recognise the scent and as soon as it registered in her dehydrated brain, she blinked her eyes open to find an empty space next to her. She felt the sheets and they were still warm and slightly crumpled so she knew that Naomi would have only recently vacated.

Emily closed her eyes for a moment, cursing who ever thought it wise to open the curtains when the sunlight streaming through the window was threatening to cause her headache to worsen. Upon hearing groaning noises coming from the bathroom, the delicate red head decided to investigate, leaving behind the warmth of her bed. She padded softly towards the bathroom and pushed the door ajar expecting to see a hungover Katie or Naomi clutching the toilet bowl. It took a moment for her in her fragile state to register what she was seeing. Katie getting down (literally) and dirty with Jeff, the guy who she recognised from the bar.

"Shit, sorry," she stuttered, moving backwards and slamming the door behind her. Feeling repulsed she left the bedroom and shut the door behind her, using it to lean back on for extra support whilst she closed her eyes and released a breath that she wasn't aware of holding.

She suddenly opened her eyes when she heard the audible moan of a woman she was all too familiar with. Naomi was leaning against the opposite wall, her head tilted back with her throat exposed for the other woman to feast on. She shook her head to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

"Fuck," Naomi muttered. She dropped her head slightly and caught Emily's eye, giving her a sly wink and throwing a smirk her way. She started whispering almost inaudibly to Susie who stopped her attack on Naomi's pulse point and turned to face Emily.

"What's up Ems? I thought you didn't want me?" Naomi seductively walked towards her keeping firm eye contact.

"I don't," the red head replied unconvincingly whilst subconsciously licking her lips.

"Is that so?" she inched closer to Emily who swallowed and nodded.

"What about if I do this?" Emily closed her eyes and waited for Naomi's lips to touch hers. "Or this," she asked, moving her lips from Emily's and attaching them to her neck. Emily moaned in pleasure as Naomi continued her onslaught whilst slowly rubbing her hands up and down the smaller girls sides.

She opened her eyes fully aware that they had just left Susie standing there who was presumably watching the scene escalate in front of her. Her eyes didn't meet Susie's, instead she found herself looking into eyes similar to her own but without any of the warmth hers possessed.

"I told you to stay away from that girl. You should know by now that you are _not _gay. She'll screw you up."

"Good point there Jenna," Emily's head whipped around to the source of the calm voice.

"Effy?" she spat, dumbfounded.

"Emily?" Effy mocked. She turned to face Jenna who was staring coldly at her daughter. "You see, I told her Naomi wouldn't want to see her and would she listen? No."

"Oh I'm not surprised, she never does. You've got to decide Emily. Its _her_ or your family. "

"Oh there'll be no need for that Jenna,_" _Naomi pulled away from Emily. "The way I see it, she left me, so now I'm going to return the favour. I don't want you," she addressed Emily, "and actually I don't even want to see you again, _hun_." She laughed manically, turning to join forces with Effy and Jenna, their laughter and taunts growing louder and louder with each step they took closer to a frightened Emily.

"Emily, Ems, EMILY!"

Emily shot up in her bed like she did those months before, only this time she had a sympathetic Naomi rubbing her back and trying to reassure her.

"It's okay Ems, you were just dreaming. Breathe okay? Just breathe," Naomi rubbed her hand on Emily's chest in attempt to calm down her erratic breathing. She gave a small smile when her technique worked, and started to move off the bed to grab a glass of water.

"Don't leave me," Emily grabbed the blonde's wrist preventing her from moving any further.

"I'm just getting you some water, okay? Just here," she pointed to the bathroom which was a mere 2 metres away. Emily nodded and released her grip.

Naomi filled up the glass and started rummaging through her toiletry bag for the aspirin that she'd packed with her. She didn't doubt for one second that Emily would be hungover judging on the state she'd been in. She stood and watched Emily from the bathroom door and couldn't help but sympathise with her as she rubbed at her head undoubtedly trying to will away an impending headache.

"Here," she held out the glass which Emily gratefully accepted along with the two tablets.

Naomi sat on the bed next to Emily, patiently waiting for her to finish the water.

"Finished?" she asked gently.

Emily nodded and passed Naomi the glass which she placed at the side of the bed. She returned her gaze to Emily who was staring determinedly at her lap, purposefully avoiding eye contact with Naomi.

"Do you want me to give you some space? I can go on the top bunk if you want?"

"NO!" Emily surprised herself with the volume of her voice. "No, its fine."

"Well we should get some sleep then yeah? Its only," she paused while she glanced at her phone, the light from the screen producing a blue glow in the room. "5 AM."

She lay back down and watched as Emily mimicked her movement.

"Where's Katie?"

"Ah Katiekins. Well she's getting acquainted with Jeff the barman. I assume so anyway. Doesn't take 5 hours to clean up. Thought she'd be back by now though."

"Typical Katie, using anything to her advantage."

Naomi chuckled, "Yeah some things never change."

The room that hours previously was filled with the sounds of a typical London night, was now filled with the sounds of early morning traffic and birds that seemed determined to wake up all of the residents.

Naomi was the first to break through the quietness that had descended upon them, minus the outside noises.

"Ems?" she waited for confirmation that the red head was indeed awake before continuing. "Do they happen often, your dreams?"

"Not so much lately."

"Care to share?"

She waited patiently for a reply, knowing that Emily would find it hard opening up to her again no matter the simplicity of her problem. When she had just about given up waiting for a reply, Emily spoke.

"They started a while ago and usually happen when I'm feeling vulnerable. I would always wake up sweating and just so fucking relieved to be awake."

"What are they about?"

Emily hesitated once again but replied nonetheless. "Usually flashbacks of events. Just things that have stuck with me really."

"Is that what this one was? A flashback?"

"No it was slightly different. This one I guess was sort of the future. No," she backtracked. "I guess its what I'm scared will happen."

"What are you scared -"

"Can we not? Can we just…" Emily trailed off. She lifted Naomi's arm up, much to the blonde's surprise, and resumed the position she was in before she was awoken from her restless sleep.

Naomi was more than happy to accommodate Emily and chanced massaging her head slightly then brushing her fingers through her hair.

"That's good for my head," Emily mumbled. Naomi smiled and continued the soothing action which gradually slowed down as sleep started to overcome her, no matter how hard she fought against it.

"We need to talk don't we?" Emily's husky voice sounded out when Naomi was on the brink of drifting off to sleep. She didn't answer immediately having being caught by surprise once again. She grabbed Naomi's free hand and laced their finger's together over her stomach.

"Yeah," whispered Naomi, breaking from her trance. "We do."


	15. Home Truths

**Sorry for the delay, this was a hard chapter to write for me. The fact that I didn't have a clue what I wanted to include in the chapter and didn't have a chance to sit down and make myself write it wasn't helping. I must apologise for any mistakes I make. No matter how many times I read over my work I manage to leave mistakes in there. I don't know if anyone noticed but in the previous chapter I referred to Emily as a red head but just to clarify, she _is _still a brunette. Thank you very much for the reviews on my previous chapters. I haven't had a chance to reply to any reviews for the last chapter but I appreciate them all the same :-) Here's chapter 15...**

* * *

After Emily had fully recovered from her nightmare and fallen asleep, Naomi had lain awake simply listening to the soft snores resonating from the sleeping form that was gripping tightly to her waist. The events from the previous night and day were running on a constant loop through Naomi's mind preventing her from falling into an easy sleep unlike Emily. Her thoughts were swimming with the fact that Katie didn't seem too opposed to both her and Emily's potential relationship which came somewhat of a relief to the blonde, although she couldn't shake the feeling that Katie would go back to being her homophobic self when she realised her twin was on the road to recovery. Her attitude almost seemed too good to be true. She also couldn't get rid of the niggling feeling that Katie was right and that her best friend had told the girl she was madly in love with that she had moved on and was happy when she was far from it. What worried her further was that Effy's actions had probably been one of the reasons behind Emily's attempted suicide and she knew that wouldn't have been the brunette's intention. What exactly _was_ Effy's intention when she fed Emily those lies.

The blonde was brought from her musings by the sound of a key card being forced into the door several times until it was pushed open to reveal a slightly worse for wear Katie. She brought her eyes to the source of the noise just in time to witness Katie toppling through the door, using the handle to prevent herself from falling flat on her face.

"Shitting hell," she grumbled as she threw off her heels and hurtled for the bathroom where she released the contents of her stomach into the waiting toilet.

Naomi sighed and gently prised Emily's arm from around her waist, covering her with the blanket that had worked its way down the bed. She grabbed one of the bottles of water and headed for the bathroom where Katie was crouched down hugging the toilet bowl.

"You know you twins are as bad as each other. When I came down here I didn't expect to be looking after the both of you," Naomi smirked, grabbing Katie's attention.

"Fuck off Campbell," she scoffed. "I only had two bottles of wine and half a bottle of vodka. Must be something I ate."

Naomi rolled her eyes at the absurd comment but held her silence deeming it to be too early to start bickering with Katie, especially considering the state she was in. She settled on handing over the bottle of water instead of voicing her opinion.

"Thanks," Katie grumbled, standing shakily to her feet. "How is she?" she asked, nodding towards her twin.

Naomi leaned against the wall and watched Emily who was still sleeping as far as she could tell. She pondered her answer. How _was _Emily? The only time she had spent alone with her was when she had her panic attack so she could hardly say that Emily was fine, although she could tell that was the answer Katie was hoping to hear.

"Honestly? I don't know. She had another of her panic attacks again but I managed to-"

"Wait, what?" Katie interrupted. "_Another _of her panic attacks?"

Naomi nodded with a frown etched upon her face. She had assumed Katie would have known about the panic attacks seeing as they live together and she seemed to know everything else about Emily's life, or rather she liked to think she did.

"Well?" Katie demanded after waiting impatiently for Naomi to elaborate. "You said _another_ panic attack. When did she have her first one?"

Naomi diverted her eyes back to Emily who positioned her arm over her eyes using it as a protective shield against the beaming sun.

"It's not my place to say Katie. I think you need to talk to your twin," she nodded towards the grumbling figure on the bed.

"What are you both staring at?" Emily snapped.

Naomi placed a comforting hand on Katie's arm and retrieved her rucksack from the floor, "I'm going for a shower," she brought her voice down an octave so that Emily couldn't overhear their conversation. "Don't be too harsh on her, okay?"

Without waiting for a response, she hastily left the twins to their own devices and wandered along the deserted corridors in the hope of finding a sign directing her to the shower room. She checked the time on her watch and immediately regretted getting up so early when she saw that it was barely 7 am. After traipsing up two flights of stairs, Naomi found the shower room, cursing herself for being so unfit as she tried to catch her breath. She unpacked her showering essentials and hung her bag up on inside of the cubical door, deeming it to be a safe enough distance from the running water. She undressed and allowed herself to step under the shower head without bothering to test the temperature of the water.

A shower never failed to make her feel rejuvenated and refreshed. She found them to be therapeutic at times, just allowing the steaming hot water to hit her body and escape down the plug hole. Fifteen minutes later she managed to drag herself from under the hot water and started to dress herself before gathering up her belongings.

Her hand was poised on the cubicle door handle as a familiar voice travelled through the air, making her blood run cold.

"And then she threw up all over my fucking shoes. That's 100 euro wasted."

Naomi pressed her ear to the door in attempt to hear the conversation more clearly.

"Well where is Emily now?" spoke a voice that Naomi didn't recognise, although the woman held a similar accent to Susie.

"I don't know. Last time I saw her the blonde bitch was trying to sort her out," she growled. "What a waste of fucking pills. I swear if that slut hadn't come to her rescue we would have been writhing around in my bed all night."

"You're unbelievable Susie," the other girl sighed exasperatedly. "There's no way in hell you could have bedded Emily."

"And why not, look at me. A picture of hotness."

The blonde on the other side of the door snorted and covered her mouth straight away, breathing a quiet sigh of relief when her mistake went by unnoticed.

"That as maybe," the unidentified girl remarked sarcastically, "But she's completely hung up on someone else. Her eyes scream 'LOVE' whenever she drunkenly rambles on about this Naomi character. She's all she talks about."

Naomi's heart soared at the thought of Emily mentioning her. It gave her hope. Hope that they could get past all of the troubles that they had faced in the past and were facing now.

"I know that, hence the pills. Martine you are such a sucker for a love story but you have a lot to learn sweetie." Susie stated condescendingly. "Emily is a sucker too and I will tell her that later when she fetches her stuff unless she sends her minions of course."

"Well on that note I'm heading down for breakfast with Bruno. You've got your key card yes, because we wont be there to let you in."

Naomi assumed Susie nodded in response when Martine bade her farewell.

She remained stock still behind the door, waiting to hear what Susie's next move would be. As she suspected, Susie entered one of the cubicles and turned on the shower, allowing Naomi time to rummage through the Spaniards belongings.

"Come on, come on," she muttered to herself as she searched the pockets of the skinny jeans she had carelessly dumped on the side. All she had managed to find so far was an out of date travel ticket and a stick of chewing gum. She searched two other pockets and moved to the last one finding exactly what she was looking for. "Gotcha," she whispered excitedly as she successfully held up the key card. She knew she had to move fast if she didn't want Susie to catch up with her, although Naomi figured she would be spending at least half an hour preening her self in the mirror. "Fucking slut," she mumbled to herself. The room itself was easy to find what with it being on the same floor as the showers. She glanced around carefully for any suspicious, prying eyes and entered the room when it seemed safe enough. The stench of weed filled her nostrils upon entering the room and she balked at the used condom drapsed on top of an issue of 'Zoo'.

"This is fucking rank," she mumbled in disgust. Her eyes scanned the room furiously for the familiar backpack which she spotted on the bottom bunk. The purse that she had given Emily was sat right next to it and she smiled slightly at the sight. Hoisting the bag on her free shoulder, she glanced around the room one last time for any belongings she may have missed when her eyes fell on the open drawer of the bedside cabinet. She cautiously made her way over to the drawer and peered inside. She smiled deviously at what she saw.

"Oh dear, people are just too careless nowadays," she remarked sarcastically as she pocketed both Bruno and Susie's passport, along with a bag of weed and several pills. She placed them safely in her backpack and escaped from the room unnoticed.

The corridors were still deserted by the time she reached 'her' floor. She figured that everyone would still be in bed nursing their hangovers and vowing that they would never drink again. A vow that they would most definitely break once night started to fall.

"Just fuck off Katie and leave me the fuck alone!" A visibly upset Emily opened their bedroom door and barged her way past a startled Naomi, who stumbled back with the force of Emily's push.

She cautiously walked her way over to Katie who held her head in her hands and sighed to herself, clearly unaware of the blondes presence.

"Didn't go so well then?" Naomi asked, knowing the answer.

Katie jumped and removed her hands from her face, "No shit. You took your time didn't you?" she continued. "Was hoping you'd be here to back me up and tell her what a selfish, ungrateful cow she is."

"She's not Katie. She's just kind of… I don't know, lost her way a bit. Spliff?"

Katie snorted and rubbed at her eyes which she was clearly fighting to keep open. She watched as Naomi expertly rolled up a joint and lit it, breathing in its fumes with her eyes closed in satisfaction.

"God that's some good shit. Not had one of these in a while."

"Where the fuck did you get it from?" Katie asked, retrieving the wonder drug from Naomi's fingers.

"Well let's just say I paid a visit to Emily's old room of residence, hence the extra rucksack," she nodded her head towards the bag and watched the realisation wash over Katie's face. "And that's not all I got."

She rummaged through her bag and held up the passports in triumph with a mischievous glint in her eye. "As much as I hate to think of them being in the same country as us," Naomi mocked sorrowfully, "I don't think they'll be leaving it anytime soon."

Both girls fell into a fit of the giggles and passed the spliff between each other until it started to burn their fingers.

"Gosh Campbell, didn't know you were that scheming."

"Hey less of the Campbell. You _can _call me Naomi you know. Would like to think we're on first name terms now," she nudged Katie playfully.

"Whatever, you'll always be Campbell to me."

"Right, well on that note _Fitch, _what are you going to do about Fitch number 2?"

Katie fell backwards onto the bed in response and let out a sigh of frustration.

"God it was good to forget for a minute. I can't talk to her right now, she's fucking pissed me off. I don't put men before her do I?"

Naomi remained silent and looked away biting her lip to prevent her inevitable laughter.

"Actually don't answer that," Katie stated upon seeing Naomi's reaction. "I guess I am a selfish cow too huh?"

"You can be but you're her selfish cow. You want me to go after her?"

"Fuck yeah thought you would never ask. I need my fucking beauty sleep."

Naomi laughed to herself and headed for the door. She stepped outside and peered her head back through before closing the door. "You're going to need at least a week's beauty sleep Katie, how much talking do you want me and Ems to do?"

"Cow!" Katie retorted, throwing her shoe which hit the door that was closed before the offending object had a chance to hit the blonde who's rapturous laughter carried her down the hallway and out of the building.

The minute that she stepped onto the busy street, Naomi instantly felt the cold air hit her and silently cursed the weather for being so deceptive. Although the sun was shining and the sky blue, the temperature was a totally different story.

She ambled around aimlessly until she spotted Emily sat on a nearby bench watching people getting on with their lives. The majority of people were men in business suits and briefcases in hand, the occasional one throwing Emily the odd glance whilst chatting away on their Blackberry. Naomi couldn't say she blamed them. Although Emily would always be beautiful in her eyes, she was currently sporting huge rings under her bloodshot eyes and mascara tracks that were staining her cheeks, undoubtedly a result of her disagreement with Katie. Her tights were slightly ripped and her hair hung limply around her pale face. All of these factors combined would bring concern to any outsider.

"Room for one more?" Naomi asked, sitting down not waiting for a response. "So I spoke to Katie," she said waiting for a reaction and continued when Emily remained still staring straight ahead. "Whatever was said I'm sure was in the heat of the moment."

"If she's sent you here then -"

"She's not sent me here. I volunteered. Think she's relieved to be honest. Seems as though her hangover's getting the better of her."

Emily nodded and huddled her knees up to her chest in attempt to fight off the cold breeze that was causing her to shiver involuntarily. She couldn't help but start to feel self conscious of her appearance and her surroundings. She didn't blame the business men for giving her funny looks when she would have done the exact same thing in their position. Naomi shrugged off her jacket and ignored her body's screaming protests as the cold air hit her full force.

"Here," she attempted to drape the jacket over Emily's shoulders ignoring her protests.

"I don't want it."

"Don't be silly Ems you must be freezing."

"I said I don't want it," Emily snapped, shrugging the jacket off her shoulders. "Stop trying to be nice Naomi it doesn't suit you."

The blonde was stunned into to silence, momentarily shocked by the outburst of the twin who mere hours ago clung to her like she was the only person in her world who mattered.

"So what you want me to be horrible then?"

Emily ignored her and Katie's words from the previous night made their way to the forefront of Naomi's mind.

"_Don't pacify her and she'll come to you."_

Naomi knew she would have to be harsh if she had any hope of getting through to the shivering brunette sat next to her, she just didn't want to be too harsh and scare her away.

"You've got to stop this self-destruct mode that you're in Emily. Do you think you're the only one to have suffered?" Even though Emily wasn't looking at her, she knew had gained her attention. She was chewing on her bottom lip which Naomi recognised as the habit she possessed in college whenever she was listening intently to their tutors.

"_You _left _me_ remember? It's been seven years. Seven fucking years and I still remember it as though it were yesterday. You left me with a letter, that's all. It's tainted my life every single second that I have been apart from you." she continued, fighting back the tears that were threatening to form. "And then on top of that letter, I found out about the great love affair that was you and JJ."

Emily whipped her head around to give Naomi her full attention, shock to see tears running freely down the blonde's face. "Naomi that was nothing. He just needed… and I just…"

"Its okay Em," Naomi sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I know what it was. He told me in one of his locked on states. Well I got the gist of it anyway. I won't lie. At first I was so fucking pissed off. Then I remembered about the kiss Cook and I shared. I kissed him because I was unsure about how I felt about you and what we were. I thought we were friends and friends don't fuck for Christ's sake. You must have been just as confused as me. All I gave you was a speech through a cat flap and that was it. But don't you understand Emily? You weren't the only one hurting. You _aren't _the only one hurting"

Naomi paused trying to catch her breath and swallow down her sobs. Emily started to rub Naomi's arm soothingly, giving her the strength to continue her speech.

"I know I didn't try to kill myself," Naomi whispered as sensitively as she could, "but I was so depressed. I finally managed to snap myself out of it when my best friend started to give birth in her bedroom, and the minute I held that little girl in my arms, I knew then that I could overcome anything. She gave me strength you know? She's my fucking saviour. Both of ours," she added, referring to Effy.

Emily was stuck for words. She had never known Naomi to show such vulnerability and honesty before, at least not to her face. With the cat flap speech, she had been hidden behind the door which had made it easier for Naomi to reveal her true feelings. It had acted as a shield but she was now baring all, giving all of herself to Emily.

Naomi sighed and wiped furiously at her eyes clearly annoyed with herself for showing such emotion but she felt it was something Emily needed to witness.

"I'm going to get a coffee, might wake me up a bit," Emily nodded. "Without the risk of being nice, may I ask if you want one?"

Emily chuckled slightly and nodded watching Naomi enter the café and order their drinks. She grabbed the jacket that Naomi had left on the bench and placed it around herself, resulting in a smile from the blonde when she returned with their drinks. They both sipped at their coffee in a comfortable silence. Emily continued her people watching and allowed her eyes to follow a couple of girls walking past their bench, completely oblivious to their surroundings and swinging their hands in between themselves, sharing the odd kiss every now and then.

"Do you ever wonder if that could have been us Naoms?"

"Which?" Naomi followed Emily's eye line and smiled at the couple's retreating backs. "I still hope it could be," she turned towards Emily who was watching her with an unreadable expression. She took a chance and made to grab the brunette's hand which was quickly whipped away.

"Don't," she gasped, looking around for any spectators.

"Don't be fucking stupid Emily. I'm not trying to ravish you I'm just trying to hold your hand," she snapped losing her patience.

"But someone might be looking," she blushed, trying to hide her hand away from the hand that was still reaching out for her.

"What are you scared of Emily?" her question was met with silence. "Come on. Tell me. What happened to the girl who was so sure of herself and her sexuality? I know she inspired me."

"So you're gay?" sh questioneed.

Naomi nodded. "I came to terms with that a long time ago."

She couldn't deny that it _was_ very easy for her to come out. Her friends had been as supportive as she could have wished. Even Cook showed his approval but it didn't stop him tryingto bed her at every opportunity although she knew his advances were only made in jest. He actually treated her as one of the guys, enlisting her help to hook him up with girls and vice versa. Her mother had expected it at the time and stated how proud she was of Naomi much to her surprise. Gina's infamous speech to her daughter about finding someone and cherishing them was made with Emily in mind. She had recalled the times when Naomi was a 12 year old youngster, coming home chatting about a twin at school called Emily who she was fascinated with. She then had the honour of meeting Emily the morning after Naomi had left her alone in her bedroom and Gina had witnessed the love radiating from Emily's very soul when she spoke so fondly to her about her daughter.

Naomi knew she had been blessed to have such a great support network and knew that Emily's nervous over-reaction to the attempted hand holding was probably down to the fact that she wasn't as lucky to have family and friends as accepting as hers. She chanced a glance at Emily. It was plain for anyone to see that she was having an internal conflict with herself.

"What's on your mind Ems?"

Emily hesitated, contemplating her answer. "Everything. The nightmares for a start. My mum's always in them telling me how disgusted she is in me and that no daughter of hers is gay. I said some horrible things to Katie too and I'm just worried about…stuff."

"Like…" Naomi encouraged.

"Mainly how my family will react if I ever pluck up the courage to say I'm gay. I did it once before and look where that got me. They still think I'm married for fucks sake. I don't know if I can be as brave as you. Do you think I can tell her everything? Do you think I can do it?"

"You know when I asked that question, somebody who I think is _extremely_ brave told me that they thought I could do anything. I think it's time they started to believe it of themselves. So I'm going to tell you: I think you can do anything."

A smile spread across Emily's face as the memory of her and Naomi lying side by side on her frayed rug sharing a bottle of vodka wormed its way to the forefront of her mind.

If Naomi could do anything, then maybe she could too.

* * *

"This is me," Naomi smiled awkwardly, hitching her rucksack onto her shoulder as her train came into view.

Both twins stood alongside Naomi, neither saying a word. Both Emily and Katie had settled their differences and agreed on a truce, for now at least. After their heart to heart on the bench, Emily and Naomi had returned to the hostel to fetch their belongings where Katie had suggested that they check into a local B and B for the next night. Although she insisted that it was so Emily and Naomi could spend more time together, they both suspected the reason was because Jeff was being very persistent in asking her to spend the entire day with him and he was, in her words, 'totally hung'.

Naomi had nudged Katie on their way out of the hostel and grinned pointing over to the reception desk where Bruno and Susie were frantically searching their bags. They were clearly panicking and shouting for the receptionist to help find their passports which they needed to board their flight at the end of the day. Naomi and Katie couldn't help themselves and burst into laughter at the sight, confusing Emily who was completely unaware of the passport stealing incident.

Naomi turned her attention back to the twins who also seemed to be lost in thought.

"You gonna miss me then Katiekins?"

"Yeah you wish," she scoffed.

"_I _will," Emily said softly. She chuckled at the look of surprise on the blondes face and couldn't resist giving her a peck on the cheek. "I never did say thank you."

"What for?"

"What for? Are you being fucking serious Campbell?" Katie said loudly. "You travel _all _the way to Liverpool and risk facing the wrath of our mum, then travel _all _the way to London, rescue this one with me," she pointed her thumb towards her twin. "And _then_ you manage to steal those bastards passports, steal their supply of weed and get us good and stoned. Am I missing anything?"

"Okay point taken."

Emily looked in puzzlement from her sister to Naomi.

"Passports? Weed?"

They both laughed at the expression on Emily's face with Katie promising to fill her in on "the long fucking trek" back home. After bidding an emotional farewell to Naomi, both women only had to wait a further ten minutes to board their train.

Katie glanced down at her phone when they were seated comfortably on the train, and groaned loudly causing Emily to peer over at her phone.

"What is it?"

"I've just had a text from mum. Wants to know if we'll be back for the Fitch family dinner on Sunday."

"Brilliant," Emily moaned. "Just what we need. Think she's just sent me the same message, hang on."

She picked her vibrating phone from her pocket and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw who the sender was.

**Naomi: Remember Ems you can do anything, just have a little faith in yourself. You've got me and Katie so you don't need to worry. You know where I am if you need me x**

Emily smiled at the message and faced her twin.

"God that look on your face is sickening. I remember that face from college. Mum could never be responsible for that face. It's Naomi isn't it?"

Emily nodded unable to stop the grin spreading across her face as she re-read the message

"I'm going to tell them Katie. At the Fitch family dinner. I'm going to tell them everything."


	16. No more secrets

**Hey, thanks again for all of your reviews, glad people still seem to be interested in this story. Had to type this one up bits at a time as I've been working alot this week and went clubbing in London last Saturday which took me a while to recover from. Hungover coach journey's are no fun, escpecially when they are 6 hours long! ****Anyway enough of my rambling, here's the chapter where Naomi finally confronts Effy. Hope it's alright because I can't decide if I made Naomi a bit too harsh. Sorry about any mistakes but when I first uploaded this everything was in italics and underlined. Formatting is an arse!**

Naomi ambled at a slow pace down her street and sighed as the familiar yellow door of her house came into focus. "Home _sweet_ home," she grumbled whilst rummaging through her pockets for her key. She was secretly hoping that the house would be empty to give her more time to decide how to handle the whole Effy situation. She turned her key in the lock, breathing a sigh of relief when she was greeted with silence.

She hung her jacket and bag on the edge of the banister before traipsing her way through to the kitchen where she planned to raid all of the cupboards and feed her starving stomach. Almost as soon as she had gotten on the train from London to Bristol, she had regretted not taking advantage of the breakfast at the B and B choosing to instead content herself with watching Emily devour her 'Full English'.

"Hey stranger."

Naomi physically jumped when she came face to face with Effy perched on a chair at the kitchen table, absentmindedly flicking through one of her magazines. The brunette neglected the page she was on and frowned in concern as Naomi merely stared at her with a blank expression on her face.

"You okay?"

Naomi nodded, turning her attention towards the refrigerator. Effy followed her line of sight and smiled fondly when she saw what had diverted the blonde's attention.

"Beth's new picture," she stated, her eyes never leaving Naomi. She watched as Naomi's lips curved into a small smile when she took hold of the painting, moving the magnets holding the piece of paper to the fridge in the process. She continued to stare at the picture which consisted of herself and Effy on either side of Bethany who was holding each of their hands. Her eyes welled up at the sight of the childish scrawl which she slowly ran her fingers over. _'Mummy, me and mummy Naomi.'_

"I got a few funny looks from some of the parents when they saw she had two mummy's. One actually congratulated me," Effy chortled. Naomi didn't trust herself to speak without choking up so merely offered a half arsed shrug in response although she suspected that would lead to further questioning.

"You seem quiet," Effy commented, proving Naomi to be correct. "Did something happen?"

"Yeah," she croaked, clearing her throat before continuing. "I ended up in London with Katie."

"The toxic twin? Bet that was fun."

"It was actually," Naomi snapped, starting to feel defensive over Katie after witnessing a different side to her. She turned her back on the brunette, switching the kettle on and finding her favourite mug from the cupboard.

"Oh pour me a cup too would you?"

Naomi slammed her mug down on Effy's request and grabbed another cup from the cupboard.

"Alright what is it? You've barely spoken since you've got back."

The blonde sat down opposite the puzzled brunette who patiently waited for Naomi to speak. Five minutes of awkward silence ensued, allowing Naomi the time to compose herself before breaking the tension.

"Is it too much to ask to want someone I can trust?"

"What's Emily done then?" Effy winced, quite oblivious to the fact that Naomi was referring to her.

"Wait let me rephrase that. Can I trust _you_?" she asked, waiting in baited breath for an answer.

Effy reached her hand out after a moment's hesitation and placed it on top of Naomi's slightly shaking one.

"You know you can."

"And you'd never lie to me. Especially about anything to do with Emily?"

"Naomi you're scaring me now," she stated, retracting her hand. "What the hell's happened?" The shakiness in her voice and the way she was avoiding eye contact with Naomi confirmed the blonde's suspicions that Effy was well aware of what her problem was but still, she continued to hold her silence.

Naomi took a deep breath, " I had an interesting chat with Katie. Tell me she's lying Eff, please? Tell me you didn't see Emily and tell her that me and Cook had a baby together."

"I didn't tell her. I didn't tell her that you had a baby with Cook."

Naomi's relief at the statement was short-lived however when Effy carried on talking.

"I told her that Cook was Bethany's father, but I didn't correct her when I knew she assumed you were her mother."

Effy closed her eyes and hung her head in shame as Naomi slammed both her hands on the table and pushed her chair back aggressively before distancing herself away from the brunette.

"You are just fucking…argh. Why the fuck didn't you tell me she had been here?" she asked through gritted teeth, gripping the edge of the worktop until her knuckles turned white from the pressure. "It's not like you've not had the opportunity to. How about right after you had done it? How about when I burned the letter? We had plenty of time to talk then, but you didn't. You were just glad I went along with your suggestion and burned the one last piece of my past with Emily. You could have even told me the other night when came home from first meeting Emily again. Instead I had to find out from Katie, who at the time was my number one enemy."

"I just figured it was in the past, it wasn't important. As for why didn't tell you back then, well, you were just getting your life back on track," Effy paused before mumbling half heartedly. "You were happy."

"Just hold it right there," Naomi held her hand in the air putting a stop to what she deemed to be a feeble excuse. "You must be fucking _insane_ if you think that I was happy. My girlfriend had left me and I was just coming to terms with the fact that I _was_ indeed gay when my mum left the country to fuck on every beach in India," she started to inch closer to Effy who was shrinking back into her chair with each point that the tearful blonde made.

The argument was no longer just about Emily now. All of the feelings that Naomi had bottled up over the years for fear of upsetting her best friend were projecting to the surface and spewing out of her like word vomit. Once she had started, Naomi found it hard to stop herself.

"I was a carer and practically a mother to both you _and_ your child. Do you have any idea what that was like? I was terrified to leave the house incase I came home to find that you _had_ actually succeeded in killing yourself. So don't tell me you didn't tell me because I was 'happy'. What was the real reason Effy? Come on." Naomi tried to goad her into answering truthfully but was disappointed when the object of her anger merely sat staring down at the table, fiddling with her fingers out of nerves.

"Just cut _all_ the bullshit and tell me the truth," she pushed herself away from the table that she had been using as leverage to inch closer to Effy's face. "Were you jealous or were you just feeding off my unhappiness?"

"Naomi I-"

"Oh she speaks," she mocked. "Or were you just worried that you wouldn't get all the attention for once in your fucking, pathetic -"

"Stop it, just stop it!" Effy screamed covering her ears with her shaking hands. "You wouldn't understand. I don't get why you're this angry anyway. It happened a long time ago and you're in touch again now so you can just pick up where you left off can't you? You said yourself you weren't sure of yourself back then so what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is the fact that after your careless actions, Emily - the woman I love - decided that she didn't belong on this planet anymore. That's right," she snarled when the realisation dawned on Effy's face. "She tried to kill herself and she would have succeeded had her own twin not found her."

She grabbed the brunette's wrist forcefully and pushed her sleeves back that were slightly damp from the tears that she had furiously wiped away from her eyes during Naomi's rant.

"She had these scars in the _exact_ same place as you, so that's the big fucking deal, _darling_."

She pushed Effy's wrist back towards her and started to stomp her way out of the kitchen, leaving her sobbing friend to slide down the wall, cradling her wrist.

"Do you know what hurts the most? The fact that you know how much honesty and trust means to me, and you just shit on that," she chuckled softly, blinking back the tears as she looked towards the ceiling. "You know I actually considered myself lucky to have just _one_ person in my life who I could trust, but I guess I was wrong."

* * *

Naomi stepped outside in the fresh air, away from the stench of alcohol and vomit, and attempted to light a cigarette but failed miserably due to her shaking hands. She threw the cigarette to the ground and ran her fingers through her hair, debating her next move. Following her and Effy's argument, she had wandered aimlessly around the streets of Bristol until her feet brought her to one of her usual haunts. She was faced with the choice of re-entering Keith's pub where she had resided for the past couple of hours, drinking whatever substance was being served, or going home and facing the music so to speak. Had she not consumed so much alcohol she would have gone for the latter and allowed her feet to lead her home, but even in her drunken haze she knew that the mix of alcohol and anger still coursing through her body would lead to her saying even more things that she would regret.

"Fucks sake," she grumbled, grabbing a random bottle of water sitting on the bench next to her. She downed its contents and closed her eyes, leaning her head on the vandalised wall behind her. Even though her eyes were closed, Naomi could sense a presence nearing her, and sure enough, she found her arm pressed against something soft.

"Keith if that's you _again_," she complained, keeping her eyes firmly closed.

"Its not Keith. Thought I might find you here."

She squinted her eyes open and faced a sombre looking Cook who didn't throw her his usual cheeky grin.

"What are you doing here anyway? Thought you'd be getting your dick damp with Arsia."

He chuckled at her straight to the point comment before answering, "Well that was the plan until I got a frantic call from a damsel in distress."

"Was that damsel Effy by any chance?"

He merely nodded, eyeing up the bar through the open door. "You wanna talk about it?"

"I suppose it would be good to get an outsiders perspective," she agreed.

"Good. Well before we do, this ain't helping the situation is it?" he nodded his head towards the bottle of water still clutched in Naomi's hand.

"Yeah I know, I just - hang on… its water you tit."

"That's what I mean. What we need is some Vodka, spliff and Keith's special blend. How about it?"

Naomi laughed and couldn't help but agree. It had taken the argument with Effy and an afternoon at Keith's pub for her to realise how much she had missed Cook's company ever since he moved Arsia into his 'shag pad' which was once his family's home - his family being Effy and Bethany.

Cook had down two pints before grew tired with the lack of conversation. He had sat through Naomi's mediocre attempts at avoiding conversation about the argument when he decided to bring the touchy subject up himself.

"So how long we going to skirt 'round the issue? She's fucking gutted."

"Did she tell you what she did?" Naomi asked defensively.

Cook nodded and took several large gulps of his pint. "Yeah but she didn't think you'd react like that and to be honest I was surprised too."

"What did she say?" she asked, concern laced with her tone.

Cook grabbed his shirt and wiped his mouth releasing a burp much to the disgust of the group of women on the table opposite them.

"Listen Blondie, you've got to understand that she wasn't in the best place at the time," he raised his hand as Naomi protested. "I know you're gonna say you weren't in the best place either but you didn't try to top yourself did you?" He raised his voice, his usually calm exterior to any situation vanishing. She was stunned into silence at his outburst and waited for him to continue after downing the rest of his pint.

"Sorry Naomikins but I just get a bit," he waved his hand in the air, "ya know?" She nodded, understanding him completely. He was always sensitive when it came to Effy and her suicide attempt, convinced that he was part of the reason it happened what with him being in prison at the time, leaving her to be a single mother with post natal depression.

"Think about it though Blondie. Her mum had fucked off to Italy with Aldo, Tony was too busy with his new life in Cardiff and could only manage _one_ poxy phone call a month. She'd just been dumped by Freddie who couldn't stand the fact that Bethany was mine. And as for me, well, I was locked away in prison because I couldn't control myself when I saw Freds and Eff together. I never can control my emotions where Effy is concerned."

"Fuck, I've fucked up haven't I? I guess I can't control _my_ emotions when it comes to anything to do with Emily. Effy just got me all riled up."

Cook waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, resulting in a punch to the arm for his troubles.

"Seriously though, just go back and sort it out with her. One mistake 6 years ago is hardly worth falling out over."

Naomi nodded and after much hesitation, she downed the rest of her questionable pint and steadied herself on her feet. She slammed the glass down on the table, breaking Cook from his thoughts.

"That's me kind of sorted, but what about you Cook? I know you still love her."

"Piss off," he laughed.

She raised her eyebrow, "Cook, you turned down getting your dick damp to deal with your emotional ex. We both know you're useless when it comes to all that shit but you said yourself, you can't seem to control yourself where Effy is concerned. "

"Hey you don't tell any of my secrets and I wont tell any of yours," he winked. "Come on, I'll walk you home."

* * *

Naomi opened her front door once again, with the same sense of dread that she had just hours earlier. She turned around in the hope to gain some reassurance from Cook, even just a nod of his head would have suited her fine but he was nowhere to be seen. She shook her head and instead of being met with silence, she was greeted with the sound of the television flowing out of the living room. A smile overtook her features as her eyes fell upon Bethany, sleeping curled up on the sofa still in her school uniform. She covered her god daughter with a blanket and pushed Bethany's fringe back allowing her to place a warm kiss on her forehead. She didn't stir once, a trait she inherited from her mother. Once Effy was asleep, there was no waking her as Naomi had learnt on several occasions.

"Eff?" she shouted as she walked up the stairs, stumbling slightly due to the alcohol and spliff still in her system. She stepped into her bedroom upon receiving no reply and threw her jacket onto the bed when her eyes were drawn to an envelope propped up against her pillow. She frowned as she picked it up, recognising the scrawl on the envelope as Effy's writing. She debated on whether to open the letter or simply go and talk to her friend in person. Then again, she knew Effy sometimes found it hard to open up and confide in people, herself included, so maybe the letter contained everything she found she couldn't vocalise. Naomi gasped as she read its contents, her eyes darting from one side of the paper to the other and before she knew it, she was blinking back several tears.

"Eff, you in here?" she shouted, approaching Effy's bedroom. "Eff?" she asked softly as she cautiously entered the bedroom, her heart stopping at the sight of numerous pills scattered on the floor around an empty prescription bottle.

"Jesus Christ," she shouted. She forced her legs to move over to Effy who was lying on her back, looking peaceful as though she was simply sleeping. She shook the limp body, sobbing uncontrollably. Bringing Effy's head to her chest, the blonde started to gently stroke her brown locks whilst rocking them both back and forth.

"Please no not again," she cried. "Don't you dare do this to us again."

"Do what again?"

"Holy Shit!" Naomi released her hold on Effy and jumped up from the bed, clutching her chest by way of calming her erratically beating heart. "I thought…I thought you were…."

Effy raised an eyebrow, "You thought I was what…dead?"

The brunette took Naomi's reluctance to answer her question as a yes. She scoffed and rolled over in the bed, her back facing the blonde.

"I don't plan on trying to kill myself again Naomi. Incase you didn't notice all of the pills are there."

"Eff," Naomi whispered softly, reaching her hand out and placing it on her friend's shoulder who shrugged her away.

"Don't."

"Look, I'm sorry for... Well everything I guess. I just can't control my emotions when Emily is concerned," she said, partly quoting Cook's earlier speech for the second time.

"So that makes it alright does it?" Effy snapped. "It makes it alright to just throw the past in my face?"

"No it doesn't, just hear me out okay? When Katie first told me about what you did-"

"I bet she loved doing that," Effy remarked.

"When she told me what you did," Naomi continued as though there had been no interruption. "My first thought was that there wasn't a chance in hell you did it, but when Katie told me she said it as though I already knew. She was telling me about what happened when Emily, you know?"

"Tried to kill herself?"

"Yeah. You should have seen the state of her Eff. She wasn't the Katie Fitch from college she was just vulnerable and scared… scared for Emily. Then on the train journey back I had a couple of hours to actually think about what she said you did and the more I sat there without being able to talk to you about it, the more I wound myself up. I know I shouldn't have said what I said."

"Which part? The part where you asked if I was jealous, feeding off your unhappiness or attention seeking?" Effy rolled over to face Naomi who focussed her eyes on the brunette. She raised her eyebrows in disbelief at the smirk etched upon Effy's face.

"I think I kind of deserved it," Naomi shook her head in protest. "No, I did Naomi. I knew you weren't completely happy back then I just told myself that what I did, I did for the right reasons. I'd just been released from the hospital, my emotions were all over the place and you and Beth were my last life line. I just couldn't lose you," she broke off.

"I don't need to hear anymore, please," Naomi pleaded, knowing the conversation was heading back to the dark time for both women. "Everything's out in the open now so…"

"No more secrets."

Both of them looked at each other and smiled in relief. Effy reached out her hand and cupped one of Naomi's cheeks, wiping away the tears that were starting to fall from her blue orbs.

"You soft shit Campbell. Get in," Effy shifted over slightly in the bed and lifted the quilt, making space for the upset blonde. "You're so hormonal lately."

"Hey," Naomi returned the gesture and used her finger to wipe away the tears that were glistening on the brunettes face. "I've drank my weight in alcohol and caned the spliff... whats your excuse?"

"Oh shut up," she chuckled.

They both fell into a comfortable silence, which was only broken by Bethany charging into the bedroom demanding her dinner. Once mother and child had left the room, Naomi dragged herself away from the comfort of the bed and padded across the room to pick up the envelope that she had dropped in panic when she had seen Effy's 'lifeless' body. She resumed her position on the bed and emptied the contents of the envelope into her lap. After re-reading the letter she was so very familiar with, she turned her attention to the other slip of paper.

_"You should have known I wouldn't have let you burn Emily's letter."_


	17. Fitch Family Dinner

**Wow, can't believe it's been 6 weeks. This chapter has been in my head since posting my last. I knew I wanted the Fitch family dinner I just didn't know how to get there. I also got bored of the lack of Naomily interaction so had to figure out how to get some in there without having them in a flashback. This chapter kind of wrote itself. I had it written on paper totally differently but once my fingers hit the keyboard anything can happen.**

**Many thanks to my regular reviewers and also my new ones. If I've missed replying to any then I apologise and I will try to keep on top of them this time. They are much appreciated. Also thanks to wtium for the message, glad you're enjoying the story. And thanks to Lazyboo who managed to kick my arse into gear. (Also if you've not been reading No Barrier then go do it…NOW I tell you!)**

**Anyway speech over. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading :-) **

"Are you even listening to me? Oi sleepy head. EMILY!"

The sleepy brunette prised her bleary eyes open as they attempted to focus on the blonde in front of her.

"I'm sorry," she grumbled, lifting her head and rubbing her eyes before allowing them to adjust to the brightness of the screen. "I fell asleep again didn't I?"

Naomi nodded and grinned, her fondness for Emily evident in her sleep deprived eyes.

"The snores that interrupted my one sided conversation were a dead giveaway," she winked.

"Oi! Bitch," Emily swatted at her webcam, knocking it off its stand causing Naomi to giggle.

"As entertaining as you are, I think you should go to bed Ems. You've got a big day ahead of you."

Emily groaned and threw her head against her desk in frustration. "Don't remind me. The bloody family dinner."

"So you're definitely telling her about, well I mean, telling her _again _that you're gay?"

Emily nodded, the panic and dread returning and hitting her at full force. Fitch. Family. Dinner. Those three words had been playing on a constant loop in her mind ever since she returned to Liverpool. Her anxiety and fears of revealing her true identity were accompanied by the nightmares that had plagued her countless times before. It had become part of her nightly routine to call Naomi on Skype after one of her episodes. Being able to see the blonde and actually speaking to her had helped ease her worry, the nightmares being kept at bay for the rest of the night.

Naomi noticed the change in Emily's demeanour at mention of the upcoming dinner so she swiftly changed the subject, longing to see a smile on the her face once again.

"So tell me," she said, shaking Emily out of her reverie. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company? You know you're a welcome distraction away from this shitty fucking coursework," she growled as she flung one of her papers into the air, resulting in a giggle from Emily - mission accomplished. "But you've called me at stupid o'clock every night, or should I say morning, ever since you got back."

Emily shrugged, prompting further questioning.

"Come on Ems. I know it can't just be my winning personality because I'm hardly on top form at 3.30 in the morning. I can only partially function thanks to these," she held up a can of red bull to the camera and shook it slightly.

"It's nothing honestly. I.." she trailed off as Naomi pushed her face close to her screen. "Erm, what are you doing?"

"Just do me a favour. Move closer to the camera."

"What?"

"Just do it. A little closer. A bit further down aaaand stop. Now look at me."

She prompted a further curious and albeit slightly confused look from the brunette. Brown eyes locked onto blue, holding their gaze for a moment. "Now tell me its nothing."

"This is ridiculous. Its nothing, okay?" she snapped, pulling away from her computer, starting pace around the bedroom. "It's nothing," she sighed, running a shaky hand through her hair.

"Just as I thought."

"Will you stop being so fucking cryptic?"

Naomi watched as Emily halted her movements and sent a scathing look towards her computer.

"Sorry but your eyes are a dead giveaway. They always tell me when you're lying. Whatever it is that causes you to sever all ties with me during the day then contact me at an unsociable hour is not just 'nothing.' "

"I don't ignore you during the day," Emily replied sulkily, reluctantly resuming her previous position, perched on her chair in front of her dressing table. "I'm just busy at work. I'm trying to keep mum sweet by running the shop then maybe she'll be less hard on me when I tell her everything."

"So you run the shop 'til three in the morning?" Naomi smirked, raising a challenging eyebrow.

"Don't be stupid."

"I'm not stupid. I would be stupid if I didn't know there was something bothering you," she sighed. "Look, Emily. You can trust me, yeah? Just be honest. You're having your nightmares again aren't you?"

Emily nodded and averted her eyes away from the screen, screwing them shut to prevent the build up of inevitable tears. Naomi waited patiently for Emily to compose herself whilst pretending she couldn't see the tears trying to escape from brown eyes.

"I'm scared," Emily finally whispered.

"What?" Naomi asked softly, leaning towards her laptop speakers and turning up the volume.

Emily cleared her throat and looked towards the camera. "I'm scared. What if it's the same as before? Complete fucking denial. I can't have my family turn on me again just because of who I am. The first and only time I had their acceptance was when I brought Nathan home to meet the family. And as for Katie, what if she turns on me again? She's only just accepted me for who I am and I'm scared my mum will get into her head and turn her against me. I can't be alone again, I just can't," she broke off.

"Ems calm down. There is absolutely nothing you can do to alienate yourself from Katie. She's not the bitch she once was. And I don't know why you think you'll end up on your own because, well, you've always got me," Naomi finished, a pink tinge colouring her cheeks.

Emily smiled despite her tears and fixed her eyes on Naomi who was looking anywhere except the screen in front of her.

"Thanks Naomi. Didn't have you down for being a big softy."

"Shut up you," Naomi giggled.

"As much as I would love to keep bringing the soft side out in you, I'm going to bed I think. I can barely keep my eyes open. Good luck with your work," Emily nodded to the pile of papers she could see on the desk next to Naomi.

"Oh god don't remind me. Thanks for being a welcome distraction."

"Well what can I say, I'm irresistible. Night Naoms," she smiled, leaning forwards to close her laptop.

"Wait!"

"What? What's up?" Emily panicked, sensing the urgency in Naomi's voice.

"Don't look so alarmed. I just wanted to say that if you need to escape Liverpool for a bit after, y'know, well, you could always stay with me," Naomi mumbled, whilst fiddling with the edge of one of her papers.

"I understand if you don't want to but but we wouldn't have to sleep in the same bed or anything like that. I don't mind bunking in with Effy even though things are still a bit shaky between us," she rushed out, pausing only to take a breath.

"Naomi."

"And plus we wouldn't be living in each others pockets because my lectures start again soon and I've got this dissertation to research. You could catch up with Cook and JJ and I know Effy wants to apolo- "

"NAOMI!" Emily shouted exasperatedly. "I think you've been hanging around with JJ too much." she chuckled at the puzzled expression adorning the blonde's face. "You're so sweet sometimes."

It was Emily's turn to blush as her admission slipped out.

"Anyway," she cleared her throat, "Thanks for the offer. Don't be surprised if you find me on your doorstep later on."

Both women smiled sadly at each other, both knowing Emily's joke was a way of her covering up what she feared the most - her mother's rejection.

* * *

At first touch of her scalp, the water that was once clear started to run a blood red, staining the bath slightly as it made its hasty descent down the plug hole. After 10 minutes of rinsing, the blood red water finally started to run clear much to Emily's relief, her crouching posture causing her body to ache. She grabbed the nearest towel, using it to wrap her dripping, wet hair up. Glancing at her reflection, she sighed as she noticed the colour that had run down the sides of her face causing it to stain her pale skin. She scrubbed gently at her face, but the gentleness didn't last long when her thoughts returned to the family dinner that she was to attend in just under two hours. Her actions became more and more aggressive until she left a red mark, which had nothing to do with the hair dye. She threw the flannel into the sink in frustration and stepped into her bedroom where she practically collapsed onto her bed. She allowed herself five minutes of lying down in blissful peace until her thoughts became too much for her to handle and she busied herself with drying her hair. At least the sound of her hair dryer drowned out the sound of her mother's voice that was stuck on replay in her head, shouting words of disapproval. Just like last time.

"Yes mum we'll be there just give us a couple of hours yeah?" Katie sighed as she attempted to open the apartment door. Unlocking the door would have been a simple task had it not been for the shopping bags hanging from Katie's arms or her shoulder that was propping her phone up to her ear.

"Listen mum I've got to go. We'll see you later."

She pushed the door open and threw her bags down onto the floor, leaning on the counter whilst she caught her breath. The last couple of hours she had spent running around various shops finally taking it's toll on her.

"Whoa," she commented as her eyes caught sight of her twin stood in the doorway to her bedroom, sporting the vibrant red hair from their college days. She grabbed hold of the end of the red hair, flicking it back at Emily. "Its great but you know mum will freak. She always hated us with red hair."

"Exactly, its about time she accepted I'm my own person."

Katie stared at Emily, an unreadable glint in her eyes which Emily came to recognise as admiration. Admittedly she had only seen that look on her face when Katie had spotted a pair of shoes she just _had _to have.

"I don't say it enough but I really look up to you y'know?"

"That's quite difficult considering you've always got six inch heels on."

"Fucks sake Emily," Katie sighed, pulling out of the embrace. "I'm trying to be nice here."

"I'm sorry, continue," Emily gestured with her hands as she attempted to stifle a giggle.

"I'm being serious," the brunette smiled. "I just think you're really brave that's all and thought you needed to hear it."

Emily smiled in gratitude, Katie's words meaning more to her than she'd ever know.

"And don't forget, I'll be there for you yeah?" she grinned, grabbing Emily by the shoulders. "You can do this."

* * *

"Nice hair bitch."

"And its nice too see you too worm," Emily retorted, reaching up to ruffle her younger brother's hair.

"You're late girls," Jenna chanted, her back towards them as she paid attention to the questionable soup she was in the middle of stirring.

The siblings all scrunched their noses up as the smell resonating from the kitchen reached their senses, all of them baulking as they recognised the smell. Needless to say they welcomed a hug from their father, relishing in the after shave that lingered in his shirt.

"Its great to see you girls," he mumbled affectionately. "Loving the hair Emsy."

Jenna immediately diverted her attention from the soup upon hearing the compliment, her eyes widening when they fell upon the vibrant hair belonging to her youngest daughter.

"Well, what do you think mum?" Emily asked apprehensively, desperately seeking her mother's approval whether she admitted it or not.

"It's… well I suppose… Oh dinner's ready," she announced, returning to the stove where she poured the soup into their respective bowls.

Emily sighed, crestfallen that she had failed to impress Jenna yet again. Sensing her silent distress, Katie slipped a comforting hand into the red head's and gave it a gentle squeeze, leading her to the table where the rest of the Fitch clan were gathered.

"So for starters, artichoke and beetroot soup and for dinner… well the usual Sunday roast."

Rob glanced at his children, an equal look of disgust on his face when the soup was placed in front of them. All that could be heard was the clanging of metal against the ceramic bowls from which they were unwillingly swallowing their soup.

"Oooh Katie, before I forget. Graham wants you to design his outfit for the wedding. I must say I think its going to be a bit extravagant for a civil- "

"That's great mum," Katie smiled, taking a side long glance at Emily who was mindlessly playing with her soup.

"Of course it is. I knew I could rely on you which is why I told him you'd do it. As for _you_ Emily, I think its best you manage the Jones-Bradshaw wedding. They're more… How can I put this?"

"What? Straight… normal?"

"Well yes, but no Emily. That's not what I meant."

" 'Course it wasn't."

"Great soup mum. Have we got any bread to go with this please?" Katie butted in, preventing the argument from escalating.

"Of course. James fetch the bread would you?"

Despite his grumbling protests, James obliged, opting for the quiet life.

"So… Emily," Jenna started, attempting to break through the tension that descended around the table.

"What does Nathan think about your hair?"

The red head turned her attention back to her watery soup and shrugged her shoulders in response.

"Well I'm not sure that red would be his favourite -"

"I'm going to the bathroom," Emily sighed, interrupting her mother from another one of her put downs. She dragged herself up the stairs and traipsed along to her old bedroom, completely bypassing the bathroom. She slid down the side of her bed and retrieved her phone from her pocket in order to text her favourite blonde. Whilst waiting for a reply, she took the opportunity to glance around her bedroom that looked exactly as it did when she and Katie had left it. On one side of the room were posters of Justin Timberlake amongst other celebrities that Katie had a huge crush on at the time, as opposed to Emily's side of the room where her walls were plastered with Rihanna, Blondie, and Megan Fox to name a few.

"Hasn't changed has it?"

Emily jumped and turned towards the source of the voice.

"I can't do it Katie. I can't tell them. She won't even let me participate in a gay wedding," she scoffed, referring to Jenna.

Katie didn't answer and instead looked at the box that Emily was attempting to prise open.

"What's in that then?" she asked gently before the realisation dawned on her. "Oh god it's your box of fannies isn't it," Katie feigned disgust as Emily's face blushed scarlet.

"Katie would you shush?" Emily whispered, mortified that her sister knew what was in her secret box.

"James told me about it before, well, before it all went to shit. Can't say I actually believed him. Until now that is."

"It wasn't just a box of fannies you know," she looked up at Katie, raising her eyebrow and patting the space next to her on the floor. Katie took the gesture as an invitation and placed her self cross-legged next to Emily.

"I think these issues of Diva would disagree with you," Katie scoffed as she held one of the magazines by the corner of its cover, dropping it back into the box. "That's disgusting, some of those pages were sticky."

"Well James _did _know the combination of the box."

"Cheryl Cole eh?" Katie commented as she flicked through a handful of clippings. "You _do _have some taste after all."

"Fuck off," Emily laughed, nudging her tormentor with her shoulder, Katie's attempt at cheering her up proving successful.

"Hey you told me you never got that camera developed," Katie pouted, taking a photograph out of Emily's hands, studying it carefully. She smiled as she looked at her 17 year old self on the infamous camping trip, the whole gang facing the camera which was being voluntarily taken by Thomas.

Emily and Naomi were seemingly enjoying each other's company, looking into each other's eyes. Naomi giggling with a cigarette in one hand and brushing Emily's hair out of her eyes with another. On the opposite side of the picture was Katie facing the camera, wrapped in an embrace by Freddie from behind. Effy was watching Katie with contempt and in turn, Freddie was staring longingly at Effy.

"I knew he wanted her you know."

"I think _everyone_ did."

"What? Everyone knew or everyone wanted her?"

"Probably both," Emily answered, chuckling slightly.

"Oh hey," Katie dropped the photograph and reached out for the Spice Girl's doll. "Do you remember how obsessed we were with these?"

"Yes I do," Emily shuddered. "You made us wear those awful Union Jack dresses with our initials on. They were awful."

"Listen Ems, like, who's the fashionista out of us two?"

Emily rolled her eyes and removed what Katie had assumed to be the bottom of the box. She watched her younger sister incredulously as she discarded the fake bottom, and picked up a handful of envelopes, which Katie presumed contained letters.

"Can I?" she asked nodding towards one of the envelopes. She practically beamed when Emily nodded her consent, knowing that she had finally gained her sister's trust.

"We'd sometimes write to each other, me and Naomi. We'd give each other love letters to read in class, although I don't think Naomi was great at conveying her feelings onto paper," Emily reminisced fondly.

"You're not kidding," Katie snorted, passing the letter back to Emily, who giggled as she read it's contents.

"Why is this letter dated the night before your wedding?"

The letter was snatched from Katie's hands and folded back into it's envelope only to be thrown back into the box, accompanying the many other letters.

"I just kind of kept writing to her. It kind of made things easier somehow," Emily mumbled, picking a pieces of her carpet as she waited for Katie to start mocking her. She took the silence as invitation to elaborate. "When we left Bristol, I wrote countless letters to Naomi explaining the situation further, trying to make her understand. But I never sent them. I just saved them and hid them in the bottom of this box. I stopped once I was married though and left the box here. I thought I had finally let go, convinced myself that if I left it here, it would remain in the past. That _she _would remain in the past. Is that stupid?" Emily asked, the vulnerability in her voice not being missed by Katie.

"It's not stupid, no" she whispered, wiping at her eyes. The years of guilt over the whole situation catching up to her once again. "You love her."

"I don't think I ever stopped."

"And _she_ loves you. Oh don't act so shocked Ems," Katie snorted when the look of surprise registered on Emily's face. "Its pretty fucking obvious and I'm not just on about the love hearts that practically float out of her eyes when she looks at you either. She travelled _all _this way and was willing to face _her _down there," Katie snarled, nodding her head towards the floor.

"She just felt obliged to," Emily shrugged. "She felt bad about tricking me with the whole dating website thing that's all."

"That's what you really think?" Katie raised a knowing eyebrow.

Emily bit her lip and frowned. _Was _it what she _really _thought?

"Mum says dinner's ready," James peered around the bedroom door.

"Hey the box of fannies. My favourite," his eyes lit up as he reached out for the magazine, much to Katie's disgust.

"I told you he'd been at that one," she muttered as Emily led her out of the bedroom. "19 years old and he's still a little perv. What's that?"

Emily handed her inquisitive twin the phone which had distracted her from Katie's grumbling complaints about their brother.

_**Of course you can do it. She needs to learn to respect you for who you are. If she can't see that you're still Emily then more fool her xx**_

"Naomi I take it?" Katie asked, already knowing the answer. "You've just got another message. Here."

_**Don't forget, you won't be alone. You've got me :-P xx**_

"Well, what does it say?" Katie asked eagerly.

Emily stared at the words on the screen, her previous conversation with Katie at the forefront of her mind.

"_You love her. And she loves you."_

"I think you were right."

"About what?" Katie frowned.

"Ah girls, glad to see you'll be joining us for dinner."

Katie shot Emily a questioning look before leading her into the kitchen once again. Once Emily was seated, she glanced around the spotless kitchen. Their soup bowls had already been washed and placed neatly into their usual home, the kitchen surfaces practically gleamed and the fresh napkins placed in front of them were folded to perfection. The home may have been spotless but to Emily none of it was natural. Everything about it was fake. It was then she realised that it wasn't her who should be ashamed, it was her mother. Her mother who thought everything in life had to be perfect. She knew Jenna didn't have a problem with homosexuality, as long as it didn't affect _her _family. She had Katie - the happy, _'normal' _twin who wanted the perfect marriage, perfect family, perfect everything. _Jenna's dream_. Katie had Jenna's respect because she unknowingly played by Jenna's rules. Emily had, as far as Jenna knew, the perfect marriage. So why was she still an outcast? The realisation struck her as the dinner was placed in front of her, the food aligned neatly in equal portions together. Jenna _knew _the truth and it scared her. She knew that Emily was gaining her self worth back, becoming her own person again. A person who wasn't perfect or normal in the eyes of Jenna Fitch.

"So Emily, how's Nathan? I would have thought he'd be here today. Oh he's not still on his business trip is he? That man needs to sort out his priorities, family comes first, isn't that right Rob?"

"Just drop it mum. He doesn't matter anymore," Emily said with finality laced in her tone.

"That's no way to speak about your husband."

"He doesn't matter because we're getting divorced. Okay?"

"But Emily, that's a bit drastic don't you think. You've got to work at these things."

"Mum just listen to her will you?" Katie snapped, finally losing her patience having watched Emily try and fail to get Jenna to listen.

"Fine," Jenna sniffed, seemingly disgruntled at Katie's outburst.

Emily took a deep breath before elaborating for her parents benefit. "I never should have married him. I loved him. He was my best friend after all but I wasn't _in _love with him. I thought if I married him, it would get you off my back and you'd respect me more. I thought I _did _have your respect, but all it took me was a text from the woman I love for me to realise that I don't have your respect and I probably never will."

"_Woman?"_

"That's right, _woman_. I'm gay mum."

"Tell you what James, why don't we go and work on the Hyperfitched for a bit eh? Could do with getting that machine up and running," Rob proposed, eager to give his wife and daughter time alone to battle through their problems. He gave Emily's shoulder a gentle squeeze as both he and James headed for the garage.

"Okay," Jenna whispered.

Emily and Katie looked at each other, disbelief on both of their faces.

"Okay?" Katie questioned.

"That's what you wanted me to say isn't it?"

"Well yeah but…"

"But what Katie? Hmm? I'll play along with this little game. So come on Emily. Tell me about her, the one whom you profess to love."

"Mum what are you doing?"

"Stay out of this Katie. It's attention you're after is it Emily?" Jenna asked fixing a menacing stare onto Emily who glared back. "Well you've certainly got _that_. However, if you still want to live under this illusion that you are gay then you won't do it under my roof Missy."

"Fine," Emily sighed, pushing her chair out of the way. "When I get home under _my _roof, I'll phone you and tell you I'm gay _then._ Will that make you happy?"

"Don't be so ridiculous. If you want to keep up with this charade then you can consider yourself suspended from work. When you come to your senses, _then _you can have your job back. No daughter of mine is," Jenna paused momentarily as though the word she was about to utter would cause her great pain, "is gay."

"Whispering it mum won't make it any less true. Emily's gay, deal with it."

In that instant, Emily felt a surge of affection and admiration for her younger brother. She had severely under estimated him. She silently vowed to give him the new combination to her box of fannies, after emptying it of her personal letters of course.

"I thought your dad told you to join him in the garage James?" Jenna snapped, screwing her eyes shut whilst she massaged her temple with nimble fingers

"James is right love," Rob stated, walking back into the room. "We've known all along. We even ran away from the problem. No not the problem," Rob corrected, upon seeing the scathing look sent his way from his daughters. "We tried to escape the fact she's gay. It solved nothing love. If anything it made things worse."

Emily smiled sadly at Rob. In that moment she had never been more appreciative of the male role model in her life. Acceptance, that was all she had hoped for from the minute she locked eyes with Naomi on that first day of high school. The moment she realised she could actually love a girl. She had craved it when she came clean to her family, but it was to no avail. Upon the realisation that she couldn't be accepted for the person she was, she resorted to desperate measures. The cry for help after harming herself, didn't work. She wanted her family to realise then that she wasn't happy. She didn't expect to just have pills thrown at her and to be told to get on with her life.

The red head remained seated, her hands covering her ears to block out the sound of raised voices. She looked on helplessly at the destruction her admission had caused. She finally had Rob on her side, but for how long? How long until Jenna got under his skin and manipulated him to her own way of thinking? Katie who was up until recently best friends with her mother, was there defending her twin as though her life depended on it. Each scathing word she shot at her mother damaging their close bond. James, her irritatingly pervy brother, stuck in the middle of the battlefield. She couldn't do it. Emily couldn't stay and be the cause of the family breaking up. _Her _family.

She stood shakily to her feet, and slipped away from the chaos unnoticed. Slamming the door on her past, Emily walked as fast as she could, only one destination in mind.

"Where to miss?"

"Erm," Emily halted, could she really do this? A constant battle waging between what her heart wanted and what her head was telling her to do.

"Bristol please. I need to go to Bristol."

It was time she let her heart win the war.


	18. You can fix her

**Wow, an update in less than 6 weeks. I'm getting better! Without sounding like a broken record, I would like to say thanks so much for the reviews/alerts etc. We're now in Bristol following Naomi's antics. Enjoy :-) **

"And where are _you _going?" Naomi questioned as a very dressed up Effy placed herself on her desk, sitting on her work papers in a desperate bid to get her attention. Ever since their argument, Naomi had become somewhat of a recluse, choosing to absorb herself in her work whilst holed up in her bedroom. After being declined for several requests of spending quality time together, an undeterred Effy had decided to go one step further and instead demand that they go out.

"_I'm _not going anywhere. _We're _going out."

"You're having a fucking laugh?" Naomi scoffed incredulously.

"Yes Naomi. I thought I would spend the best part of the evening getting dolled up just for your amusement."

"Ha bloody ha."

"Oh come on. We've not had a good night out in ages."

"Look, Eff. I've got all of this research to do and to be honest I don't think us two and alcohol would be a good mix right now," Naomi stated, pulling the now crumpled papers out from underneath Effy's bare thighs.

"Why?"

"Because… never mind. Just forget it." Naomi finished, preoccupying herself with trying to straighten out the pieces of paper. Anything to escape from the scrutiny of her friend's glare.

Effy stiffened, her swinging legs coming to an abrupt halt.

"No, out with it Naomi. You've still not forgiven me have you? What I did, it was stupid, okay? I know that. But you said some pretty hurtful things too so don't act like the innocent victim in all of this."

Naomi chanced a glance at the brunette and was surprised to see that the blue orbs, not so dissimilar from her own, were glistening with unshed tears. She could do nothing but watch as Effy wordlessly removed herself from the desk without a backward glance. Her hasty attempt at leaving the room was thwarted by a hovering figure in the doorway, only just making his presence known to Naomi.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's all this Princess?" a concerned Cook wrapped the brunette into his warm embrace, wiping away the escaped tears.

"Let me go Cook," Effy pleaded, holding her palms against his chest in a feeble attempt to release herself from his firm hold. "I told you this was a bad idea."

"This was _your_ idea?" Naomi acknowledged Cook.

"Well yeah," he replied, as though it were obvious. "You and Eff need to get your friendship back on track and what better way to do it than a few drinks and a boogie around town?"

Both women caught each other's eye and burst into a fit of laughter at Cook's use of the word boogie and the embarrassing dance that accompanied it.

"Well Diversity have got nothing on you have they Cook? What about Beth?"

Naomi found herself searching for any excuse to not go out, instead preferring to stay in her own personal space. She already suspected what Cook's answer would be and her thoughts were confirmed when he informed her that Bethany would be staying with him and Arsia. Naomi didn't miss the deflated look that Effy sported when her love rival's name was mentioned and she made a mental note to ask her about it over a bottle of wine. For now she needed rescuing.

"Actually, Cook, I don't think that's the best idea. I mean Bethany's been slightly unsettled these past few days and no offence but I don't think going to your place will help," Naomi shook her head slightly as Effy eyed her curiously. "Why don't you give Arsia a call and tell her you're staying here with Bethany for tonight?"

"If that's what it takes for you too to go out then yeah, I'm game."

"Okay fine," Naomi conceded, raising her hands in defeat.

"Sorted then," Cook clapped his hands together. "I'll leave you two to kiss and make up. Oh and ladies, feel free to take pictures."

"Tosser," Naomi shouted, hearing Cook laughing his way down the stairs.

She sat down in front of her dresser and caught sight of Effy in her mirror's reflection, standing awkwardly in the doorway, her eyes cast downwards as she chipped away at her black nail polish.

It was new territory for both women. Never in the length of their friendship had either been stuck for something to say. They would usually snipe at each other to show their annoyance. They didn't _do _silence. It struck Naomi at that point how much of a strain the argument had put on their friendship. She was aware that their friendship wasn't yet beyond repair but it soon would be if they didn't get their act together. She reasoned that it wasn't fair to lead Effy to believe that things were all okay between them, so instead of voicing her concerns, she had thrown back the offers of reconciliation by declining the invitations for lunch dates, retail therapy and finally the offer of a night out. Naomi knew now was the time for her to step up and do the grovelling.

"Do you mind?" Naomi broke Effy out of her trance. "I hoovered there earlier and you're just flicking bits of your nail varnish on my floor."

Effy smirked, knowing its was Naomi's way of offering an olive branch. The floor looked as though it hadn't been hoovered in a month let alone that same day. Effy told her as much.

"On that note, I'm going to have a shower." Effy nodded her reply and moved aside for the blonde to move past her.

"You can…" Naomi hesitated. "You can wait in here for me if you like and we can share a bottle of wine, like we used to, if you…" she stopped herself and made to turn around upon seeing the impassive look on Effy's face. She grabbed Naomi by the shoulder and turned her around to face her.

"I'll go get the glasses."

* * *

"I'll get the drinks, you go get a table," Effy shouted into Naomi's ear as they entered the club.

The blonde nodded in agreement and pushed herself through the bodies surrounding the bar, hastily making her way to the nearest free table. She was rummaging through her bag in attempt to find her mobile which had been continuously vibrating when she was approached by an unwanted admirer.

"Hey, I'm glad I saw you tonight."

Naomi turned towards the source of the voice and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Sophia placed herself on the seat next to the object of her desire, the look of hunger visible in her eyes and in her actions - the way she would move closer, hanging onto Naomi's every word, and brushing her hand against her arm in a flirtatious manner.

Naomi used her eyes to desperately search for Effy who she saw was still waiting to be served at the bar. Sophia, seemingly oblivious to the disinterest being shown in her proceeded to ask pointless questions to which Naomi had no desire to answer.

"Oh thank god!" Naomi interrupted, not trying to hide her relief as she managed to locate her ringing phone. She smiled as she spotted the caller I.D. on her screen.

"So Ems, to what do I owe this pleasure? Ems? Helloooo? Shit!"

"What's with the swearing?" Effy placed four shots and a bottle of wine on the table in front of them. "And what have you done to Sophia? She just barged passed me in floods of tears."

"Fuck knows. But to answer your first question Emily's just phoned me and my fucking phone's cut me off _again. _Its been playing up all fucking week."

"Right calm down and just drink this," Effy demanded, handing Naomi the glass of wine in between picking up the phone that had been thrown on the floor in frustration. "I said drink."

The night passed by in a blur for both women. After witnessing Naomi's sullen mood for the first hour, Effy had insisted that she ring Emily from her phone just to put her mind at rest. Naomi declined reasoning that for one she didn't know the redhead's number off by heart, and two she could just as easily catch up with her on Skype when she got in. Seeing as it was both their nightly routine, she had no doubt that Emily would be online.

The atmosphere was a lot lighter once both women had polished of two bottles of wine between them, or rather Naomi had polished off. Effy seemed to be amused by the her antics - stealing Effy's drink when she wasn't looking and spilling half of it down herself before it reached her mouth. She forcibly dragged Effy to the dance floor where they joined the masses of gyrating bodies, all dancing to the same beat, satisfactorily intoxicated. It was only when Naomi continued to bump into a less than pleased group of girls that Effy dragged her outside to sober up.

"Eff…" Naomi mumbled.

"Hang on I'm trying my best, it's screwed on so fucking tight," Effy replied, assuming Naomi was still pining for the bottle of water that she was trying to open.

"No it's not that, its your phone. Cook won't stop fucking ringing," she grumbled, handing over the offending object.

"He's unbelievable he can't handle his daughter on his own for a few hours. Hello?" Effy shouted exasperatedly down the phone whilst surrendering the bottle of water to Naomi. "Yeah. Uh huh. Shit. Well where is she now? Right well we're on our way back now."

Effy ignored Naomi's protests upon hearing their night was over and dragged her to the nearest taxi rank.

"Why do we have to go? Is Beth okay?"

"You're putting up a pretty big fight considering you didn't want to come out in the first place," Effy smiled, amusement dancing in her eyes. "And Bethany's fine. It's Emily."

"Emily?"

"Yes," Effy simply stated whilst she flagged down a nearby taxi. "She's waiting for you."

* * *

"Come on Nai, we're here," Effy nudged her. She gently took hold of Naomi's hand when she realised that she was frozen to her seat. "Come on."

The ten minute taxi ride wasn't long enough for her to get her head around the fact that Emily was within walking distance. The brunette lit up a cigarette and handed it to Naomi, whose eyes where transfixed on her bedroom window, just staring as though waiting for Cook to appear telling them it had all been a huge prank.

"It's funny isn't it."

"Erm, kind of failing to see the funny side here Eff," Naomi sighed warily, finally turning her gaze away from her bedroom, where she knew Cook was taking care of Emily.

Effy walked over the front porch and perched herself on the step, patting the space next to her. She waited for Naomi to be seated before elaborating for the confused blonde.

"What I mean is, alcohol is supposed to give you this huge confidence but its having the opposite effect on you. Look at you, you can hardly hold the cigarette straight. You're nervous."

"I'm not. I'm not nervous," she mumbled, her shaking hands defying her. "Okay maybe just a little bit. Its Emily isn't it? She always has an effect on me. This is just surreal. If you'd told me this morning that tonight I would be sitting outside whilst Emily Fitch is waiting in my bedroom for me, I would have said you're fucking mad."

Effy chuckled and stood to her feet, flicking her cigarette away from the porch. She forced her key into the lock when a cold hand was placed on top of her own, stopping her movements.

"What do I say to her?"

Effy stared into Naomi's panic stricken eyes and watched as she chewed on her bottom lip - a tell tale sign that she was anxious.

"You're honestly asking _me? _Look, just do what comes naturally."

"What did Cook say again?"

"She turned up here, thought she had the wrong house at first when Bethany opened the door," she answered patiently. "Then of course Cook appeared and it took him a while to persuade her to stay, said she seemed kind of panicky. She wouldn't speak, I don't think she trusted herself to. She seemed a bit upset, so he says."

"Fuck it," Naomi snapped herself out of the scared teenage mode that she had reacquainted herself with since Cook's phone call. "She's in my room yeah?"

Naomi quietly pushed her bedroom door open, her heart melting at the sight she was met with. A snoring Cook was lying on his back with one arm holding a fragile Emily to his chest, her eyes firmly closed. Naomi smiled involuntarily at the return of the vibrant hair colour. She edged closer to the pair, and upon closer inspection, noted the mascara tracks that were imprinted under Emily's eyes. Reaching out a tentative hand, Naomi gently stroked Emily's cheek, who despite being unconscious, still leaned in towards the caressing touch. Naomi whispered Cook's name and gently nudged him causing his snoring to stop abruptly and his eyes to shoot open. He slowly lifted Emily's arm from around his waist and pointed his head in the red head's direction, indicating for Naomi to take his place. She did so without hesitation. Emily instinctively moved closer to Naomi, breathing in her scent and sighing contentedly.

"She's broken ain't she Naomikins? But I know you can fix her," Naomi smiled weakly as Cook placed his hand on Naomi's free shoulder, squeezing it slightly before leaving both women alone.

Naomi was in danger of drifting off to sleep when a faint knocking on her door caused her to jump slightly.

"Thought you might need this," Effy handed over a pint of water to the grateful blonde who downed half the glass.

"Do you think she'll be okay?"

"She has to be," Naomi replied determinedly in a hushed voice. "I don't know what the fuck has happened tonight but I can bet it has something to do with her fucking mother. I won't let them drag her down again. I love her too much to let her go back to that dark period in her life again."

The beginnings of a smirk appeared on Effy's face as the apparently slumbering form in Naomi's arms, stiffened upon her admission. Emily's action went by unnoticed to Naomi who was preoccupied with the smirk and the knowing look in her best friend's eyes.

Effy raised her eyebrows and walked soundlessly towards the doorway, before turning to face a confused Naomi.

"If anyone can keep her safe you can. You saved _me_ didn't you?"

It wasn't long after Effy turned off the bedroom light that sleep started to claim Naomi, the events of the night finally taking its weary toll. It wasn't the alcohol, nor was it the fact she had been awake for nearly 24 hours that lulled her into a peaceful sleep. It was the pressure of soft lips forming a kiss on her forehead and the whispered thank you from a familiar husky voice.

All that mattered to Naomi, was the feel of Emily curled closely into her side, her head resting against her chest. For that sweet moment, it was just the two of them. The rest of the world could wait.


	19. Little steps

**Another short-ish one. Had other things to add but they didn't seem to flow and it would have taken me forever to get this chapter out. ****My apologies to the reviews I didn't respond to, I appreciate them all the same and HacknSlash, I completely agree with you about Jenna, she doesn't deserve the twins. ****I probably won't have time to get another chapter out before Christmas seeing as this is my last day off until the day. So I'll say it now, have a great Christmas :-)**

"Urgh fuck."

Emily's head hit the mattress as soon as the grumbling curse was uttered. She groggily squinted her eyes open in time to catch a glimpse of blonde hair as Naomi rushed from the room. It took a moment for her to register where she was. The momentary lapse of confusion dissipated completely when the memory from the previous day's events returned to the forefront of her mind. Red hair shook as Emily tried to erase the memory for the time being at least.

She escaped from the sanctity of the warm covers by hopping out of the comfortable bed. She crept gingerly around the room, curiosity getting the better of her. The room was exactly as she remembered it, if you didn't count the paint job it had undergone. The odd Peta and environmental posters were still plastered to the walls and the very same rug that they had lain on the very first time Emily inched that little bit closer to Naomi's heart was still at the foot of her bed. Various photographs were blu-tacked on the wall around her work space. There was one photograph of Naomi stood in between her mother and a man who looked suspiciously like their old form tutor. The other photographs were mainly consisted of nights out and unsurprisingly Cook appeared in the majority of them. There was one picture that stood out most to Emily, and she nervously swallowed as she continued to stare. Naomi and Effy were both crouched down next to a pram, Effy giggling at Naomi who was animatedly pointing forwards, presumably encouraging Bethany to look at the camera. The twin knew that she couldn't come between the two best friends. She could never make Naomi choose between the two of them, it just wasn't who she was and Emily was aware that Effy and Bethany were part of the package. There would come a time when she would have to speak to the brunette about their issues, especially seeing as she couldn't imagine living her life without Naomi again.

The sound of the toilet flushing and water flowing from the taps broke Emily from her trance and she scooted back under the covers as quickly and quietly as possible.

"Remind me not to drink ever again," Naomi wailed as she collapsed back onto her side of the bed.

Emily's smile at the self-pitying tone Naomi adopted, vanished completely when she realised that she had caused their night out to end abruptly.

"I'm sorry if I ruined your night. I asked Cook not to phone you but he…"

"Sssh," Naomi placed her finger against the lips that she craved to be upon hers once again. "You didn't ruin it. I think you may have saved me from an even worse hangover, if one actually exists."

Emily smiled weakly before timidly asking if there was anything she could fetch to restore Naomi back to full health. After declining the offer, the blonde winced and rubbed at her temple in a feeble attempt to will her headache away. The choice was out of her hands. Emily jumped out of the bed, throwing her hoody on over her vest top before the cool air could hit her. She kept her movements slow and deliberate as she made her way down the staircase for fear of waking up the other residents of the house, namely Effy.

She breathed a content sigh of relief at the empty kitchen and started to ransack the cupboards for the pain killers which were nowhere in sight. Emily eventually ended up standing on her tip toes in order to reach the top shelf, the tablets just out of her grasp. She silently cursed her height as she knocked over a glass that she wasn't aware was there, in her frantic search.

"You might want to go a little more to the right."

Emily's arm instinctively shot down to her side and she turned wide eyed to face the woman in the doorway, who after all these years still hadn't gotten rid of the irritating smirk.

"The alka-seltzer? Naomi _always _needs them after a night out. She swears by them and Garibaldis, although why anyone would crave them with a hangover is beyond me," she chuckled slightly. Her slender form approached the mute red head and reached above her immediately locating the packet of pain killers. "Here."

"Thanks," Emily cleared her throat, accepting the pain killers whilst clearly avoiding Effy's eye. The brunette's gaze was unwavering throughout the awkward silence that ensued her gesture. She took everything in from the nervous way Emily would chew on her lip and the way she found the strings of her hoody remarkably interesting, preferring to play with them rather than look Effy in the eye.

"Listen, Emi-"

"Mummy where's my lunch box?"

Effy crouched down to her daughter's level, unaware that her actions were being observed by a curious Emily. "Mummy's just going to prepare it now sweetie, okay?"

She fondly tucked a piece of Bethany's stray hair behind her ear and smiled back at the innocent youngster.

"Now why don't you go and watch CBBC in the living room while I have a quick word with-"

"Daddy's friend," inquisitive eyes turned to Emily as Bethany completed her mother's sentence and another grin spread across her face. "Did she sleep over?"

"She did, now scoot along you. I'll be in with you in a minute."

Both women watched the younger version of Effy skip happily into the living room, oblivious to the tension that was present in the small kitchen.

"She looks like you," Emily commented, trying to steer Effy away from the conversation she suspected she was trying to initiate. "Your facial features are so similar its scary."

"We get that a lot," Effy smiled.

"Even her hair is the same as yours. I think I was expecting her to be a blue eyed blonde not..." Emily trailed off, turning away the moment the words escaped her lips. She had seen the look of panic in Effy's eyes even if it was only for a split second. She wasn't trying to be spiteful when she started the small talk, although she feared it could come across that way. Her reasoning behind her statement was that Cook was fair haired and Bethany had been blonde when Emily watched her and Naomi from behind the tree some six years ago.

"Emily…"

"Garibaldi's you say?"

"Huh?"

"For Naomi. Garibaldi's?"

Emily made it clear that she didn't want to hear what Effy had to say, no matter how regretful she seemed to be. Her sole purpose was to retrieve the items from the kitchen and head to the safe haven that was Naomi's bedroom. Effy pointed to the biscuit tin, surprised when she received a grateful smile for her troubles.

"Can we talk?" Effy placed her hand on Emily's arm as she attempted to pass her through the doorway. She froze the second the brunette's hand touch her and in turn, Effy retracted her hand as though she had been scalded.

"No offence Effy but right now I've got other stuff to worry about. I don't _need_ to hear whatever you've got to say." She almost regretted the words the minute they slipped out of her mouth when Effy shrinked into herself, finding the tiled floor suddenly more interesting.

"We will talk soon though, okay?" Emily offered remorsefully. "Right now, I've got a very hungover Naomi to take care of."

She left Effy to process her thoughts and ascended the staircase slowly. She balanced all of the items in her arms and took special care not to spill the pint of water that was filled up to the brim. Much to Emily's relief, Naomi's door was slightly ajar causing a ray of light to beam into the room. The blonde grumbled when the door was opened further, the light shining directly onto her face.

"It's like a fucking spotlight," she groaned, throwing the covers over her head, hiding herself from view.

"Naoms," Emily prodded the lump under the quilt. "I've got you some water."

Her sentence hung in the air, the only sound being the rhythm of both the women's steady breathing. She tried prodding Naomi again but her efforts proved futile, as the hungover form remained lifeless.

"I've also got Alkaseltzer and… Garibaldis?" she said unconfidently, a hint of questioning to her voice.

"Garibalidis?"

Naomi's face finally appeared from under the covers, her hair sticking out at all angles much to the smaller woman's amusement. She chuckled and reached a tentative hand out, affectionately flattening the peroxide locks. Naomi remained oblivious to the display of affection, far too engrossed in munching her way through the packet of biscuits.

"You weren't kidding when you said they were your favourite biscuits, although I can't imagine them being a good hangover cure."

Naomi swallowed her mouthful and patted the space in the bed next to her before offering Emily the packet.

"They really do work. Some people have a fry up, I have Garibaldis. Have one."

"Eww no I hate them," she shuddered, scrunching her nose up.

"What do you mean you hate them?" Naomi asked disbelievingly. "If I recall, you told me that you loved them on the dating site. You even knew they were called Dead Fly biscuits," her shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"Yeah, well, amazing what you can find on the internet and I may have just been trying to chat you up. Who knew the way to your heart was through this," Emily teased, poking her finger onto Naomi's tender stomach.

"Ems please," she whined, swatting the hand away playfully. "It's still sensitive. You don't want me to throw up on you do you?"

"Okay, okay. I'm stopping."

"Good," Naomi smirked, as she scooted further down the bed, covering both herself and the smaller woman with the quilt. Her new position made it possible for her to lean her head on Emily's shoulder, who's breath hitched at first contact. She allowed her body to relax before resting her head on top of Naomi's.

For the next few minutes, the only sounds that could be heard in the room were the crunching of the hangover snack and the noise from the downstairs television, that was muffled slightly through the floor boards. Naomi passed Emily the empty packet of biscuits and grinned as she feigned annoyance at having to lean out of the bed in order to reach the bin. She waited until Emily was settled back into her previous position before deciding to bite the bullet and possibly ruin their comfortable moment.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?" Emily replied automatically.

Naomi sighed and lifted her head from Emily's shoulder. "Ems, I've said it before. You can talk to me. You know what I'm on about."

"No I don't," she defended, staring down at her hands.

"Yes you do," Naomi replied more forcefully, remembering Katie's advice about not pacifying her twin. "It's the not talking about things that got you into a mess in the first place."

"What would _you_ know? You weren't there."

"But I'm here now, okay? I'm not going anywhere, you can trust me on that one."

Emily ran both hands through her hair and sat cross legged before turning to face Naomi. Taking a deep breath, she regaled Naomi with the previous days events, starting with Jenna's reluctance to compliment her hair and the fact that she wasn't allowed to organise a gay wedding. She purposefully missed out the part where her and Katie read through the letters for Naomi that had accumulated over the years. Naomi sat patiently waiting, holding Emily's hand as she struggled through, wiping her tears away with an affectionate finger.

"And so that's it. I left," she finished

"What made you leave?" Naomi asked, genuinely curious. "Ems?"

"I didn't want to break up my family. I know my dad would side with my mum and completely disregard his own feelings on the matter. James would be stuck in the middle and Katie - "

"Katie would support you."

"I know she would, but Katie needs my mum more than she realises. She'll deny it 'til she's blue in the face, but she does. She needs her more than she realises."

Naomi nodded in understanding, "We all need our mother's love when it comes down to it."

"Argh, I'm so fucking sick of it," Emily screamed in frustration, alarming the woman sat opposite her. "I'm so tired of crying over _her, _crying over my life. I'm done. I'm just done with it all."

"What do you mean?" Naomi panicked, jumping to the wrong conclusion which wasn't missed by the red head.

"I'm not done with _life_ Naoms," she smiled warmly. "I'm just done with moping about all of the time, doing everything everyone else's way. I'm sick of falling under the category of the shy, lost twin. I want to be my own person, if people don't like it then fuck them."

She finished her speech with a grin that proved infectious. Naomi mimicked Emily's sitting position, and gently stroked the shorter woman's cheek.

"That's better. It's good to see you smile."

Her words caused Emily to drop her head slightly as a faint a pink tinge to covered her cheeks. Emily felt her smile grow further and her heart soar at the affection she was being shown. She looked up through heavy lidded eyes, deseperate desire for Naomi evident in those brown orbs.

Naomi hesitated slightly, debating her next move. She'd always said she could tell what Emily was truely feeling through her eyes and that moment was no exception. She leaned forward, her actions slow and deliberate to allow Emily the time to move away if she wanted to. Seeing brown eyes focussed on her lips was encouragement enough for Naomi to close the gap, planting a lingering kiss upon welcoming lips. Emily's eyelids fluttered closed at first contact, her heart rate increasing from its usual steady beat.

The blonde knew better than to push Emily, knew it was all about the little steps. They both knew it would take time and that Emily couldn't just become confident and self assured over night. Nevertheless, Naomi was willing to help her every step of the way. For now, they were both content with things just the way they were.


	20. The Emily Effect

**Hello! So sorry for the late update. This was originally supposed to be a longer chapter, but I am going to have to treat this as part one. I was just stuck with what to do so had to split it in half. I know where i want to take the next chapter, it's just a matter of getting there. My writer's block is clearing up slowly, I've just got to write through it even though it will mean the quality is rubbish (see below). I'm also going to make a conscious effort to update more frequently/regularly now I don't have as many hours at work. T****hanks for reading this story and for all of the support. Much love :-)**

Emily frowned and flexed her fingers when they came into contact with a foreign object, nestled safely under the pillow her head was resting on. She lifted the pillow, retrieving offending envelope that had piqued her interest. A gasp of surprise escaped her lips. The paper that Emily remembered as once being white, was starting to yellow slightly in colour. She traced her fingers over the words that she was reacquainting herself with, smiling sadly as she noticed the tear stains that had caused the ink to run on some of the words that she had conveyed onto paper from deep within her heart.

"I see you found it then."

Naomi watched on with amusement as Emily hastily stuffed the letter back into its home, a flustered look on her face. The blonde couldn't help but smile at how adorable Emily looked in her over-sized t-shirt with her hair placed roughly on top of her head in a messy bun. Her stuttering words and horror at being caught snooping only added to her adorableness in Naomi's opinion.

"I'm sorry, I just, just stretched and it was there."

"And the envelope just opened itself did it?" Naomi asked playfully, handing over a steaming cup of tea into welcoming hands.

"No, no it didn't. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologise Em," she nudged Emily's arm with her shoulder, failing to turn her attention from her cup and onto herself. "Besides, _you _wrote it."

"I can't believe you kept it."

"I couldn't not. It was my last piece of you."

She gently prised the envelope out of Emily's hands and re-read the letter, aware that curious eyes were focussed on her.

Naomi didn't actually need the piece of paper to know what it said. If asked, she could probably have recited it word for word from the amount of times she'd sat poring over it's contents. She just felt more connected to Emily, seeing her writing on the page. The cute way she would 'dot' her I's with a love heart, and of course the tear stains that served to remind Naomi that she hadn't been alone in what she was feeling. It had obviously broken Emily's heart having to write the letter and leave her behind. She understood that now, although it had taken time for her to realise that.

"You weren't and will_ never_ be a nobody to me either," Naomi stated forcefully. She handed Emily the letter when her confusion at her statement became apparent.

"Anyway, I'm going to go have a shower and then we're going out," the blonde announced, slurping the last of her tea and patting Emily's thigh before she pushed herself up off the bed.

"You mean like a date?"

Naomi dragged the cup away from her lips and spluttered on the hot liquid, having being caught off guard by the simple question.

"Erm… well," she hesitated once her coughing had died down.

"Oh no, I meant, no forget it. Just ignore me. I'm so stupid," she mumbled. "I'm giving you mixed signals all of the time."

Naomi smiled fondly and approached the side of the bed where Emily was sat, legs dangling off the side whilst continuing to berate herself. She crouched down and pulled the red head's hands away from her face, holding them in her own. "Emily Fitch, would you like to go on a date with me?"

* * *

"Calm down Naomi. Why are you so nervous anyway?"

The flustered blonde raised her head from where it was practically buried in her drawer and flicked the stray hairs away from her reddened face.

"I'm not fu-" she paused mid-sentence before the swear word escaped from her mouth. She glanced at Bethany who was contentedly humming to herself whilst playing with her favourite stuffed toy, a giraffe inherited from her mother. "I'm not nervous just kind of... I dunno. Apprehensive I guess. It's the Emily Effect. She reduced me to a quivering mess earlier just by stepping out of the changing room. You should have seen what she tried on."

"Enlighten me," Effy challenged, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

"It doesn't matter. The point is she looked stunning without even trying so imagine what she's going to look like later. Honestly Eff, I had to actually stop myself from pushing her back into the changing room and ravishing her there and then," she sighed dreamily, biting her lip as she allowed her mind to wander.

"TMI Naomi. There's an underage child present you know?"

Naomi huffed in fake annoyance, knowing her friend well enough to know that she was joking with her. After all, Bethany had James Cook for a father so she was bound to have overheard more descriptive things. She returned her attention to rummaging through her drawers, her hopefulness of finding suitable attire diminishing with each second that passed.

"Shit, shit, bloody, fucking, shit. I've got nothing to bollocking wear," she cursed loudly, startling mother and child who were both watching her as she slammed the drawer shut, causing it to fall off it's hinges.

The amused expression that Effy had adopted since entering the room was soon replaced with a frown when her daughter repeated one of the curse words.

"Well that's just great Naomi. Anything else you'd like to teach your godchild?"

Naomi shamefacedly looked at Bethany whose eyes were conveying something Naomi was only too familiar with. Fear. She recognised fear behind those blue orbs. Bethany's fear due to the result of her godmother's outburst and fear for the punishment that was to be headed both their ways. Naomi tilted her head back and closed her eyes, equally scared of the repercussions of her slip of the tongue.

"Does this mean we have to go on the naughty step now?" Bethany's timid voice asked.

"No it doesn't," Naomi interjected bringing her head down to an even level. "Don't give me that look you two, I don't have time. Emily will be out of the shower any minute."

"And what kind of example is that setting? Beth spends 2 minutes sitting there but _you _don't?"

"_Please _Eff."

The brunette considered her options and took pity on Naomi who was begging to be put out of her misery. "Fine. You sit there for five minutes - that's one minute per swear word by the way," she added sarcastically, receiving a scowl from Naomi. "And I will find you something suitable to wear, deal?"

Naomi protested until finally giving in to defeat, realising that she was wasting time by trying to argue her case. She left the room and headed for the naughty step which was the top stair located next to the bathroom. Ignoring the comments being shouted to her from the bedroom that she knew were intended to wind her up, Naomi sat down on the step, with a complacent Bethany by her side. Her attempt to mentally count down the seconds to her freedom were made a lot more difficult due to the humming that was causing a vibration in Bethany's throat.

"Guess what this tune-"

"Peppa Pig." Naomi said without hesitation, not even allowing her god daughter to start humming another tune. "It's _always _Peppa Pig. Either that or Arthur," she said a lot more harshly than she normally would have but her patience wearing thin.

"You're a meany when you have a date, isn't she Patto?" Bethany addressed her stuffed giraffe. "It's not _our_ fault your clothes are all old and smelly."

"_My __clothes, _are _not_ old and smelly thank you very much," Naomi responded petulantly, folding her arms, mimicking the youngster's position.

"It's not your drawers fault either," Bethany carried on, completely ignoring Naomi's childish response.

Their bickering was interrupted by the unmistakeable sound of the bathroom lock sliding over. Naomi stiffened and hurriedly placed her head in her hands as though the action would make her invisible to a certain red head. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief when the sound of footsteps steered away from their direction and headed for her bedroom, which to Naomi, indicated that they hadn't been spotted.

"I'm done," Bethany jumped up, scampering towards the bedroom, giggling as she escaped Naomi's clutches.

"You little…" she caught Emily's eye and groaned, returning to her previous position of holding her head in her hands.

She braced herself for the inevitable sound of footsteps that would undoubtedly be approaching her at any given minute. Sure enough, Emily was stood beside Naomi in next to no time, obviously confused by the scene she had been met with upon exiting the bathroom.

"Erm Naoms?"

Naomi peered through her fingers, her head still cast down. All she could see from her position was Emily's bare leg and the beginning of her shorts, causing her to give an involuntary gulp.

"Oh, hey Ems," she replied brightly and too over enthusiastic to be considered genuine. Freeing her face from it's temporary prison, she looked up to be met with Emily's quizzical expression.

"Do you need to use the bathroom or something?"

"What? Oh no, no I'm fine thanks."

"Right, so… what are you doing then if you're not waiting for the bathroom?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Emily shook her head and frowned, waiting for her to elaborate. "I'm, I'm just-"

"She's sitting on the naughty step."

Emily attempted to stifle her laughter and failed miserably, much to Naomi's dismay.

"Bethany Stonem-Cook," Naomi warned, hoping the use of the youngster's full name would deter her from speaking.

"No Naomi, let her speak. Why's she on the naughty step Bethany?"

Naomi didn't miss the mischievous glint in the red head's eyes as she crouched down to the six year olds eye level.

"Fucks sake."

"You can add another minute to that."

Three heads whipped around in unison towards the owner of the half stern, half amused voice. Effy grinned at Naomi's mortified expression and scooped Bethany into her arms.

"Come on you little terror. Let's go and get you your tea. How do chicken nuggets sound?" Effy asked whilst trying to squeeze past Naomi who made no attempt to move. "As you were ladies."

The blonde stuck up her middle finger in a crude manner behind Effy's back, sticking her tongue out ask she did so.

"Don't you ever learn?" Emily asked, amusement lacing her tone.

"Well she shouldn't be such a cow and don't _you_ start Fitch," Naomi pointed her finger at Emily before focussing on the wall straight ahead. She moved over slightly and waited for Emily to accept her non-verbal invitation to sit down, to which she did.

"If it makes you feel any better, we had a naughty bar whilst growing up. All a part of my dad wanting us to 'Get Fitch'," she quoted the air with her fingers.

"Jesus," Naomi laughed. "You obviously didn't get punished a lot then did you?" she teased, squeezing Emily's upper arm for emphasis.

"One more remark like that Campbell and I might have to tell Effy what you called her just now. I'm sure she wouldn't app-"

Naomi didn't give Emily a chance to finish her sentence, the desire to kiss the red head completely taking over all rational thought. Soft, shy kisses were exchanged until Naomi deepened the kiss, gently holding onto the smaller woman's neck with one hand and sliding her fingers of the other into vibrant red locks that were still wet from her shower. After several blissful minutes, Emily broke away from the kiss and rested her forehead against Naomi's. Both women took a moment to catch their breath, staring into each others lust filled eyes before breaking the sexually charged tension that had arisen.

"I'd better go and get ready," Emily whispered against the blonde's lips before giving her a final peck.

Naomi reluctantly agreed and started to follow the red head just as a small hand reached out for her ankle. The hand caused her to trip resulting in a round of laughter from both the culprit and Emily.

"You've still got a minute left!"

Naomi sighed in frustration, managing to resist the urge to swear yet again, what with her being face to face with Bethany. She couldn't stay mad for too long. The sound of Emily's laughter reverberating in her ears was enough to cause a smile to tug at her lips.

* * *

The ticking of the clock was fast in becoming Emily's enemy. With each second that passed by, the red head's nerves would increase in velocity. The perspiration accumulating on her palms being just one of many tell tale signs for her nervousness. She diverted her attention away from the clock, realising that staring at it wasn't going to make the time pass by any quicker.

Emily took in a deep breath and started to fiddle with her necklace by way of distracting herself from the fact that in just under half an hour, she would be on a date with the woman of her dreams. It wasn't just any date. It was their _first _date. In college they hadn't had a chance to treat each other to dinner in a fancy restaurant. Naomi's fear of being seen out with a girl over rode any possibility of them being a 'normal' couple, doing 'normal' coupley things, especially when that girl was a certain Fitch twin. Now, to Emily, it seemed as though the roles had been reversed and it would be herself with the problem, not Naomi. Although she had completely outted herself to her family, there was still the small matter of the outside world. Emily shook her head and tried to rid herself of such thoughts, instead focussing on the positive aspects of the date. Just the fact that she would be spending intimate time with the blonde and not having to worry about her mother spotting them was good enough reason to put a smile on Emily's face.

The creaking of the stairs added to the sounds of the house, along with the clanging of glasses and the twisting of a cork which Emily assumed signalled the opening of a bottle of wine. Her thoughts were confirmed when a glass of the stuff was thrust under her nose.

"I was going to take this up for Naomi but you look as though you need it."

Emily jumped slightly and eyed the glass suspiciously much to the other woman's amusement.

"Look, I've not poisoned it or anything. Just take the wine," Effy coaxed.

Emily muttered her thanks and accepted the glass, taking several gulps the instant her fingers closed around the stem.

"Whoa easy there," Effy commented, sitting in her usual seat and pouring some wine for herself. She took a moment to look at Emily and instantly knew she was nervous. Recognised all of the signs. The biting of the lip, tapping of the fingers against her wine glass and Emily's inability to keep still.

"If it's any consolation, Naomi is just as nervous."

"I'm not. I'm not nervous," Emily insisted, making eye contact with Effy for the first time since their incident in the kitchen.

Effy chuckled and shook her head in between taking a sip of wine from her glass.

"What?" Emily asked.

"Nothing, it's just Naomi said the exact same thing."

"Oh, right."

Both brunette and red head shifted awkwardly in their respective seats both wracking their brains for something to say that would break the awkward tension that was developing. Effy tried and failed several times to engage Emily into any sort of forced conversation due to the incessant beeping coming from Emily's bag. After the sixth beep, she impatiently grabbed her phone and glanced at the screen which was flashing with unread messages and unheard voicemails. She distracted herself from Effy by reading the text messages, her eyes filling up with each word that she processed. Unable to force herself to listen to the voicemails that were undoubtedly left by Katie and Rob, Emily wiped at her eyes and downed the rest of her drink. She knew she would have to acknowledge them eventually, but not before her date which she was nervous enough about, without adding the concerned voices of her family into the mix. Her actions were of course spotted by Effy, but the brunette chose to ignore them. She was armed with the knowledge that she hadn't yet earned the right to comfort the red head.

"Someone's popular," she commented.

"Yeah," Emily mumbled, staring miserably into her empty glass.

The guilt was gnawing away at every fibre in her body. For the first time since leaving Liverpool, Emily regretted just upping and leaving without a backward glance. In the heat of the moment, she hadn't considered what the repercussions of her sudden departure would cause for those closest to her. James, her brother who she often referred to as an annoying little worm, had defended her along with her father. And Katie, her twin who was once against Emily's sexuality was standing up for her, protecting her, exactly what Emily had longed for her to do during their adolescent teenage years. Despite the knowledge that the people she cared for most still loved her, (minus the exception of Jenna she assumed) Emily just couldn't bring herself to talk them for fear of her breaking down at first sound of their voices. Instead she settled with sending a generic text to Rob and her siblings, letting them know she was safe and well. She failed to inform them of her whereabouts. She couldn't bear it if her mother found out especially seeing as she had never been fond of '_that girl_' as she dubbed Naomi. Without waiting for a reply, Emily hastily switched off the device and threw it into her bag which she zipped up forcefully before running both her hands through her red locks.

"If you want to talk-"

"I don't," Emily snapped, silencing Effy with her sudden change in mood.

She knew it wasn't fair to be hot and cold with those around her, or rather luke warm and freezing where Effy was concerned. It just seemed the easy way to protect herself, but she was aware of the fact that it didn't make it right. The brunette was Naomi's best friend and Emily knew she would have to make amends with her at some point. By walking away from her home in Liverpool she was walking away from her past. The incident with Effy was in the past, so she made a promise to herself in that moment to start again with her. It would be tough but she could get there. They both could. It would take time for her to trust the brunette again, but at least she was willing to make a start. Not just for Naomi, but for herself too.

"Right well I'm going to get this up to Naomi then," Effy sighed, indicating the half empty bottle of wine dangling from her hand.

"No. Stay," Emily requested, grabbing a hold of the wine bottle.

"You wino."

"What? No I don't want this," she chuckled, placing the bottle back on the table. "I want _you_ to stay. I'm sorry for snapping. I'm just feeling a bit…edgy."

"It's fine," Effy said, returning to her seat. "I live with Naomi so trust me I'm used to it."

"Used to what?"

Emily smiled as she heard the familiar voice that never failed to send shockwaves through her body. Her jaw dropped as her eyes fell upon the figure in the doorway. Both women were momentarily lost for words as they both took in each other's appearance. Naomi's black dress clung to her body in all the right places and accentuated her curves perfectly. Her long slender legs were barely covered and Emily silently praised the brunette stood next to her. It was obvious that Effy had played a huge part in the deciding on the outfit, the numerous beads around Naomi's neck and the length of the dress being a dead giveaway.

"Ems, I'm up here," Naomi grinned as she managed to regain some sort of composure.

"You're just as bad. You're quite blatantly eye fucking her," Effy chipped in, saving Emily from her embarrassment at being caught staring at Naomi's chest. "You know Naomi was so nervous before," she turned her head to address Emily. "She even threw a tantrum and broke her drawers in the process just because she couldn't find any clothes. And see that stuttering thing she's doing now? She calls it the Emily Effect."

"Enough. Right we're going. Come on Ems," Naomi scowled at Effy before taking Emily by her hand and leading her to the front door.

The chilly September air hit them as they stepped out of the door and onto the front porch. Emily was thankful that she had opted to wear tights with her skirt, unlike Naomi who was visibly shivering with the cold.

"So tell me Naoms," Emily started as they stood hand in hand, watching their taxi head towards them. "Why are you shivering?"

"It's fucking freezing incase you hadn't noticed."

"Just thought it might have been another symptom of the Emily Effect," she jested, giggling at the expression on Naomi's face.

"You're lucky you're hot Fitch," she winked, opening the taxi door for Emily. "After you Ma'am."

Emily giggled at the posh accent Naomi adopted and dragged her into the back of the car with her before she had a chance to shut the door properly. She grabbed Naomi by the collar of her blazer and kissed her passionately on her lips, only releasing her when she heard the sound of a throat clearing. Turning away from a stunned Naomi, Emily faced the equally stunned taxi driver and informed him of their destination.

"That was totally fucking hot," Naomi murmumered into Emily's ear. It wasn't only the kiss she was referring to, but the sudden surge of confidence that had washed over the red head.

"And it's only going to get better," came the husky reply.


	21. Dine and Dash

**Hi, here's part 2 of their date night. Thanks so much for the reviews: Somearelakes, AllICanDoIsBeMe, Lumagoo1015, Ellie Timmers, Clyyd, coolbeans17 and lazyboo. They really are motivational when I manage to get in front of the laptop and type it up. I don't know if its just me but there seems to be a bit more dialogue in this chapter, not too sure what I think of it. Anyow, enjoy!**

"You okay Nai?"

Naomi freed herself from her daze and nodded, smiling at Emily who squeezed the blonde's upper thigh. She couldn't stop a curse word from slipping past her lips. Emily's teasing touches were sending her into a frenzy and it was only the start of the evening. They were still in the taxi having hit the rush hour traffic, the grumbling curses from the taxi driver encouraging several eye rolls from Naomi. They eventually reached their destination, Naomi being very grateful to finally be able to get some fresh air into her lungs, enabling her to cool down somewhat. After paying the taxi driver his fare, both women swiftly exited the vehicle and made their way through the doors of one of Bristol's most extravagant restaurants, famed for the quality of it's food and rather expensive prices. From the moment they had stepped into the establishment, they had felt completely out of their depth. Surrounding them were men in suits, presumably there to negotiate business deals with their dutiful wives attached to their sides. The wives which Naomi deemed to be trophies.

The reservation that Naomi had called up to make had apparently not been logged. The manager had insisted that she couldn't possibly have made a reservation for that same night as reservations for the same day were not a possibility due to the popularity of the place. Upon Naomi's insistence, the manager had called over the staff member that the blonde had claimed to have spoken to. The young man, Scott, confirmed that he had in fact taken an order for a Miss Naomi Campbell but had assumed it to be a practical joke due to her namesake. The 'real' Naomi Campbell was apparently holidaying in New York according to the British tabloids.

The manager, upon sensing Naomi's frustration, apologised profusely and after reprimanding Scott, had sent the couple to the bar where they could wait for an available table. It wasn't just the table they had to wait for, the bar was heaving and Naomi was no closer to being served ten agonizing minutes later.

"Fuck sake this is bloody ridiculous," she muttered angrily, tapping her fingers on the counter.

Emily smiled fondly at the blonde's reaction, and reached a hand out placing it on top of Naomi's, stilling her fingers in the process. Her action had the desired effect when the taller woman's expression softened and she visibly relaxed, momentarily forgetting the reason she was annoyed.

"Let _me_ try," Emily offered, pushing Naomi aside so she could stand in her place.

"But you're too small," she blurted out.

Emily turned to her and raised one of her eyebrows. "I've not had much dating experience but I'm pretty sure that insulting your date isn't a good start."

"I didn't mean it like that," Naomi backtracked. "I meant you won't be able to get the bar man's attention. He's too busy serving these stuck up wankers."

Naomi ignored the disgruntled looks that she received from the said wankers and excused herself to the toilet, leaving Emily stood by the bar. When she returned, she didn't immediately spot the vibrant red hair that she had become accustomed to and started to panic, hoping that she hadn't actually offended her date. She whipped her phone out of her bag and punched Emily's number into the dialler, bringing the device up to her ear. The sound of a familiar ringtone sounded out so she took it upon herself to follow the tune, eventually reaching a table where a smug Emily was sat waiting with two drinks.

"How did you manage that?" Naomi asked, flabbergasted.

"What? Don't think short girls can get served?" she smirked. "All it takes is a bit of patience and a friendly smile."

"Very funny," Naomi remarked, taking the seat next to Emily.

"And it also helps when you get talking to one of the 'stuck up wankers'," Emily quoted the air.

It wasn't too long after their first drink when the couple were led to their table. It was slightly out of the way of all of the other tables and had quite obviously been hastily set up. Naomi threw a look of contempt towards the waiter who had the unfortunate luck of escorting them to their table.

When their dinner arrived later than it should have, the regular guests obviously taking priority over the couple, they continued chatting in between eating mouthfuls of food, just simply enjoying each others company. The subject of Bethany's upcoming birthday party arose as well as the current situation between Cook and Effy. Emily brought up the latter issue tentatively, at first gauging Naomi's reaction

"It's a right situation Cook's got himself into isn't it? I feel quite sorry for him actually."

"He _cheated_ Em," Naomi snapped, unable to help herself. The situation between Cook and Effy had taken its toll, not only on the couple, but also on Bethany and Naomi. They were constantly stuck in the middle of them and Cook, being one less body residing in the house, meant less rent. There had been several occasions where Naomi had taken to dipping into her university fund to just make ends meet, her part time job wage not being substantial enough to cover her half of the rent. She had to admit though, despite Effy's resentment towards Cook's recent behaviour, the separated couple had been getting along slightly better as of late.

"He cheated? That's what he told you?" Emily asked, undeterred by Naomi's hostility.

"It's what he did."

Emily sensing a change of subject was in order, merely shrugged her shoulders and told Naomi that she ought to speak to Cook.

Naomi's reply was cut short due to the sudden appearance of the waiter. He started to clear the plates away but not before receiving word of complaint from Naomi as she took the opportunity to vent her frustration about the service they had been given.

"I'm sorry Ems," Naomi sighed, throwing the napkin that she was fiddling with onto the table in frustration.

Emily curiously asked what Naomi was sorry for, the apology having come out of the blue.

"I'm sorry for _this_," she said holding up her arms and allowing them to fall down to her sides. "The restaurant, this whole date. Just everything."

"You think this was a mistake?" she asked, slightly crestfallen when Naomi nodded. The red head wracked her brains for what she could have said or done that was wrong. Apart from telling the blonde that she planned to move out when her bank balance would allow it, and Naomi's sudden muteness after her plans were revealed, she couldn't think of anything that would cause her to regret the evening. The recent conversation about Cook aside.

"But I thought," Emily paused to swallow. "I thought you wanted this. I _knew _I'd put you on the spot earlier. I should have just kept my big mouth shut and none of this would have happened."

Naomi looked on as Emily dropped her head down, confused as to what could have warrented such an overreaction. The penny finally dropped when she realised how her words could have been misinterpreted by insecure woman sat opposite her.

"Oh shit, that's not what I meant. I meant coming to this place was a mistake. You're the only thing making our visit here bearable. Look at me Em."

Emily did as requested and slowly lifted her head until her eyes reached the ocean blue ones of Naomi. Naomi tentatively reached a hand out and placed it on the smaller woman's cheek, gently stroking her thumb across the porcelain skin. Emily smiled slightly and leaned into the tender touch.

"This isn't how I wanted our first date to go. I was just so desperate to impress you, to show you that I'm not ashamed of you and I'm not still that same scared teenager that I once was."

"I know you're not. And you don't need to impress me."

"Do you know I actually planned our first date on the plane back from Cyprus?"

"Really? What did you have planned?" Emily questioned.

"Don't laugh okay, but I was going to take you to the Fishpond Tavern."

"As in Keith's pub?"

"Hey I told you not to laugh," Naomi pouted which only encouraged Emily's laughter. She waited for Emily's shoulders to stop shaking and for her face to return to it's usual complexion before continuing with her story. "I didn't have much money after my holiday, and mum couldn't really afford much, what with all of the waifs and strays that she let stay over in our house."

Emily nodded in understanding, remembering only too well the time that the guy who looked like Jesus answered the door to her teenage self.

"Anyway, like I said, I was going to take you to Keith's pub so I could prove that I wasn't ashamed of you. We were going to walk in hand in hand and I'd order two drinks. One for me and one for my _gorgeous_ girlfriend. Cook would be acting his usual idiotic self, trying to get me to see his cock, but I would decline him and tell him I was spoken for whilst holding up our joined hands. We'd leave the pub early because I would want to have you all to myself. Plus I'd want to get away from the muff munching comments from Katie," She paused to giggle along with Emily, both knowing that the spiteful comments would have been part of a teenage Katie's reaction. "I would have then showed you my favourite park. The clear sky would have made the night perfect us to star gaze, so we'd lie on our backs simply enjoying each others company. We would have woken up in the morning to the early morning rays which would be shining down on us."

Emily couldn't help but make a remark about Naomi being a romantic at heart. "You sound like you're quoting a Mills and Boon novel," were her exact words. The blonde threw her napkin in Emily's direction, both chuckling as she completely missed her target.

"Shut it you. That's just between you and I yeah? If this gets out, life in the Stonem-Cook, Campbell residence will _not _be worth living."

"Probably not," Emily agreed. "Why don't we do it?"

"What? Go to the park?"

Emily nodded eagerly.

"I suppose we could yeah," she relented, not wanted to displease her date. She already felt as though she had failed so far, unintentionally insulting Emily about her size and snapping at her when she was enquiring about Cook.

She stood to her feet, halting for a split second as the alcohol caused her head to spin. She walked a few steps away from the table, mumbling about her dizziness, only halting when she realised she was talking to herself. She turned abruptly to witness Emily stood, full of uncertainty which was not only evident in her posture, but her eyes as well.

"Never heard of dine and dash Em?"

"You're not suggesting we do that here?"

"Well like you said, we may as well go to the park and I'm not paying for the crappy service here. Come on," she tried to persuade the stubborn twin who was defiantly standing her ground. "What happened to everything once?"

Emily shook her head and crossed her arms, throwing a glare that was uncannily like the bitchier twin. The red head raised her eyebrows and nodded her head, motioning towards the seat, which she returned to rather huffily. The pair didn't converse, Naomi impatiently tapping her fingers on the wine glass, only stopping when she could see a hint of irritation on Emily's face.

"Right well, I'm just going for a fag," Naomi said, raising her voice on the latter part of her sentence whilst shaking her packet of cigarettes for emphasis. Emily, realising what Naomi's game was, hissed for her to sit down, attempting to grasp Naomi's wrist and failing.

Emily sat down for a further ten minutes, in the hope that Naomi _had _actually gone out for a smoke and wasn't putting 'Dine and Dash' into action. The text message she received on her phone told her that what she was fearing _had_ happened.

**Naomi: Meet me outside now babe, it's fucking freezing. And don't try to pay because I've got your purse :P XX**

Emily searched through her bag, gasping when she realised that Naomi wasn't lying and she really _had_ stolen her purse. Emily walked away from her table as non-chalant as she could, praying that the acting skills she had put to use pretending to be Katie as a teenager had paid off. Her nerves grew the closer she got to the exit. Moving at a quicker pace, her confidence surged as she saw the blonde waving for her to cross the street. Prising the door open, Emily ignored the calls of "Miss" that were being directed at her and instead ran towards Naomi who grabbed her hand and pulled her around the corner and out of sight.

She didn't know how long they ran for, or how they managed to run so far and fast in heels, but all Emily could care about was punishing her date for leaving her like that. They stopped, backs bent and hands leaning on their own thighs while they tried to catch their breath.

"I can't…believe you…fucking…did that," Emily panted, pushing her hair away from her eyes.

Naomi merely grinned and made to grab Emily's hand. She pulled it out of Naomi's reach but still, the blonde's grin didn't falter. She shook her head and instructed Emily to follow her and stay close. Emily's reluctance to give Naomi her hand didn't last long. The bushes surrounding them were blowing in the breeze and that along with the darkness of the park added to the eeriness of the place. She caused Naomi to jump in surprise slightly when she grasped her hand tightly, allowing her to lead the way.

They eventually arrived at the play area, evoking confusion in the smaller woman. She observed Naomi in amusement as the she happily skipped straight over to the swings, Emily hot on her heels.

"I have to ask Naoms? Why here? Why did you want to bring me to _this_ park?"

"Why not? It's peaceful and perfect for star gazing," she replied dreamily, swinging back slightly.

Emily mimicked Naomi's position, sitting on the swing next to her and looked up towards the sky.

"Well yeah, it is peaceful but so was the lake. That had meaning to us didn't it? And you could see the stars from there if you remember?"

"Oh I remember seeing stars alright," she winked, earning a playful slap on her arm from Emily. "But this park is special to me. I discovered it when I was 12 and we'd just moved to Bristol. I used to come here whenever the waifs and strays got too much for me. I'd just think about anything and everything but mainly you. And then one day you walked by, tagging along behind Katie. That's when I first spoke to you."

"I remember," Emily smiled fondly as she cast her mind back to the first time she had heard Naomi speak somewhere other than inside the confines of their class room. "Katie was picking on me because of the hair dye I'd bought, saying how stupid I'd look."

"And then I told you it would suit you, and I was right. Katie must have thought so too because she came into class the next day with the same colour hair as you."

"Only because she didn't want us to be different."

"It took me three years to pluck up the courage to actually talk to you. It should have been that simple but honestly, you scared the shit out of me."

"I _scared_ you?"

"The feelings you could evoke in me scared me."

Emily approached the swing that Naomi was perched on and slipped her legs through the gaps on either side of her so that she was straddling the willing blonde. Naomi tightened her grip around handles of the swing as Emily pulled her face towards her so that they could meet in a passionate kiss. Their surroundings around them dissolved until it was just the two of them in their own little world, making out like a couple of teenagers; Emily's hostility towards Naomi's Dine and Dash idea completely forgotten. The red head shivered slightly when Naomi ran the slender fingers of one hand up and down her spine, the cold air hitting her skin. Naomi eventually splayed her palm flat on Emily's back and it was only then that Emily's brain registered how cold it was and she gasped, breaking the heated kiss.

"Christ Naoms, your hands are _freezing_."

The blonde balanced herself on the swing and placed her other hand under Emily's top. She squealed and pulled the offensive hands into her own, rubbing them frantically in attempt to generate warmth. After the gust of wind nearly blew her off balance, Naomi suggested they head home. They walked hand in hand through the streets of Bristol until the familiar yellow house came into view. The two women breathed a sigh of relief, the cold weather starting to affect them.

"So what happens now?" Emily asked anxiously, as they stood under the shelter of the porch.

"What do you mean?" came the absent-minded reply, Naomi being too preoccupied rummaging through her bag. "A ha, got it!" she exclaimed, successfully holding up her door key. She looked around in confusion when Emily had seemingly disappeared.

"This isn't a usual first date is it?"

"Isn't it?" she asked, crouching down next to Emily where she was sitting on the porch step.

"What I mean is, not many people who go on a first date, live together. So what do we do?"

"I don't know about you, but going to bed sounds like a good option," Naomi smiled, knocking their knees together.

"_And _sleeping?"

"Yeah that's what…hang on a minute. Are you hoping to get into my knickers Miss Fitch?" she teased despite being armed with the knowledge that Emily was clearly apprehensive about going back to their bedroom.

"No, no I'm not, I mean I didn't want to give the wrong… I'm not ready for that yet," Emily finalised, bracing herself for anger or rejection. She chanced a shy glance at the taller woman, gauging her reaction. Naomi caught Emily's eye and couldn't disguise the snort of laughter that escaped her lips.

"I'm sorry Ems. You just look so lost," she affectionately tucked a piece of hair behind the twin's ear.

"You're not mad?"

"And why would I be mad?" she asked, folding her arms waiting for an explanation.

"I just, I didn't want you to think I was leading you on. You know, like in the park before when we were on the swing."

"Ems, there's more to us than just sex. Our relationship lies much deeper than that. I know you aren't ready. Fuck, I've waited all these years hoping we'd find each other again, so I'm not about to let you go because you want to wait. Have a little faith. You have to trust me okay?"

Emily nodded and stood to her feet, a huge weight having being lifted from her mind.

"Don't be scared to just come up to me and kiss me because you're scared I'll try and take it further. We can just go at your pace," Naomi stated forcefully.

Emily agreed and moved aside to allow Naomi room to place her key in the lock. The door creaked open and Emily leaned in towards Naomi's ear sending shivers straight down her spine.

"Now we've got that sorted, how does another hot make out session sound?" she huskily whispered.

Naomi swallowed and stared into Emily's once brown eyes that had been completely taken over by her dilated pupils. She fiddled with the key in the lock, muttering several curses before she managed to free it from the lock. She released a squeal of surprise as she was pushed through the doorway, both ignoring the door as it slammed and reverberated against the wall. A small cough alerted them to the presence of Effy, arms crossed and a displeased look upon her face.

"It's about fucking time," she growled, causing both blonde and red head to frown in confusion. "I sent you about 50 texts and left heaven knows how many missed calls."

"Well, I'm here now so what's up? Is Beth okay?" Naomi panicked.

"She's fine, its _her_," she hissed pointing towards the living room. "She's been insufferable ever since she got here."

"Who?"

"Me."

Three heads whipped around to the figure stood in the doorway, one hand on her hip and the other one being used to point an accusing finger. Katie Fitch never failed to reduce anyone, her sister included, to a quivering mess just through her stony glare alone.

"You've got some explaining to do Emily."


	22. Pretend it's ok

**Wow, it's been just over 2 years since I last updated. I can only apologise profusely for not updating. I want to thank you for all of the reviews. Reading through them got me motivated to continue on with the story. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to them all individually but life has been very hectic as of late. Believe it or not, everything up to the Naomi/Effy interaction has been typed up and ready to go since my last update. I haven't been writing a lot lately so I'm really rusty. I tried for aaages to come up with the perfect ending to this chapter but it just wasn't happening. Anyway, on with the chapter…**

"Katie, I-"

The sound of a sharp slap echoed in the hallway, leaving the four women, including the perpetrator, in a state of utter shock. Emily winced as she felt a warm heat spread across her cheek - the result of Katie's slap. Before she had time to register what had actually happened, Emily was pulled into a bone crushing hug, Katie's familiar perfume ensnaring her senses.

"What the fuck was that for Katie?"

The twin was aggressively pulled away from Emily and pushed to one side, only to be fixed with a steely glare from Naomi. Fury evident in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she choked slightly. "Katie shum."

Emily heard the whispered apology that was addressed to her and whispered her own reply back in the same strange language that resulted in nothing but confusion for Naomi and Effy as they shared an unsure glance. Emily was aware that Katie's actions were out of pure relief to find her safe, the slap forcing her to realise the pain she had inflicted upon her twin and possibly her whole family through her abrupt departure. Had she given some form of contact to confirm her whereabouts or even just assured them that she was safe, then maybe things would have been a little different. Maybe Katie wouldn't have ventured all of the way down to Bristol and spoiled the ending to what Emily deemed to be a perfect evening, despite Naomi's 'Dine and Dash' idea.

"There was no need to fucking hit her," Naomi snapped, turning her attention towards Emily in order to examine her the inflamed cheek. She lightly traced her fingers over the red mark before placing a gentle kiss on the affected area.

"Thank you," Emily muttered, grasping Naomi's hand and feel her squeeze back just as tightly.

Naomi shoved Katie slightly with her arm on her way to the stairs and climbed them, her hand still firmly attached to Emily's who was dutifully following behind her. She could hear Effy ushering Katie into the living room whilst Naomi led Emily into the bedroom that they had started to fondly refer to as 'theirs'. Clothes were strewn haphazardly around the room from earlier in the day when Naomi was frantically deciding what to wear for the date. If the evening had ended differently, Naomi would have been slating Effy for not tidying the room for her as she promised she would. She figured that the arrival of the leopard print wearing twin would have put anything of the sort to the back of her best friend's mind.

A slight thud from Bethany's room captured Naomi's attention. Before leaving to investigate, she invited Emily to raid through her drawers in order to find something to sleep in. Taking one last glance at her, Naomi left the bland four walls of her room and entered into her god daughter's equally bland room. The walls were still half stripped from before Cook had been thrown out of the marital home. What with her troubles and facing life as a single parent, decorating had been at the very bottom of Effy's list of priorities.

Naomi's eyes fell upon the culprit of the noise almost immediately. She crouched down and picked up the hot water bottle disguised as a stuffed toy and placed it back into Bethany's arms. She smiled at the unconscious youngster as she snuggled closer to the toy, curling her body around it. She crouched once again to reach the switch to turn off the night light that she used to get asleep, knowing that Bethany would be dead to the world until the morning, so the chances of one of her nightmares occurring now were slim. Closing the door quietly behind her, Naomi started to hear huffs of frustration along with several muttered swear words. Emily didn't notice Naomi's presence return to the room, and continued to struggle with removing her clothes.

"You okay?"

"I can't…I can't get this fucking thing off," Emily growled, trying and failing to unzip her skirt from the back.

Naomi wordlessly approached the distressed woman and unzipped the skirt for her in one swift motion. Naomi didn't have a chance to pull her hand away before it was firmly fixed in place by Emily's firm grip. It was pulled up around Emily's front until it reached the red head's lips and was kissed several times. Each and every time those luscious lips touched the back of her hand or her palm, an involuntary surge of butterflies would erupt in Naomi's stomach. She could feel Emily's hot breath on her hand as it remained held near her soft lips. Kissing the back of the head of red hair in front of her, Naomi inhaled the delicious scent of the shampoo that she only ever associated with Emily.

"You okay?" Naomi asked, her voice slightly muffled by the head of hair.

Emily nodded, releasing Naomi's hand so it dropped to the blonde's side. She watched as Emily perched herself on the edge of the bed, avoiding Naomi's gaze and fiddling about with her hands.

"I'll just…leave you to get changed then," Naomi stated, after rummaging through her drawers for some suitable sleeping attire. She made a mental note to invest in some more pyjamas. Naomi hadn't slept in pyjamas all that often since her school days, but ever since Emily had moved into her room, she only felt it right, or rather polite, to dress for bed. She excused herself to the bathroom, leaving Emily to resume her own search through the drawers for anything that could be deemed as night wear.

Naomi performed her usual nightly routine of removing her make up, tying her hair up into a messy bun before doing so. After changing into her t shirt and shorts, she cast her eyes on the flannel lying on the edge of the bath and immersed it in cold water. She wrung out the remaining water and re entered her room, being cautious in her approach to Emily.

The red head was still sitting on the edge of the bed, this time wearing Naomi's infamous pig shirt and a pair of shorts which looked more like three quarter trousers on Emily. She smiled at the sight, wondering if Emily associated the shirt with their first time at the lake, just as she did. Crouching down to her eye level, she placed the wet flannel against Emily's cheek, causing her to jump slightly at the sudden sensation of the cold, wet material, against her heated skin.

Emily's hand replaced Naomi's holding the flannel to her face. Naomi remained at a crouching level, placing one of her hands on Emily's knee in order for her to maintain her balance, and using the other to stroke Emily's thigh in a reassuring manner.

"I can tell you're upset Em, but it's not just the slap is it?" she asked, receiving no response. She decided that the best way was to persist, despite the fact she had no reply. "What is it? What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing."

"Come on," she coaxed. Katie wouldn't just slap you for no reason. You didn't tell her what you were doing or where you were going did you?"

Emily shook her head after several moments, closing her eyes when the comfort that Naomi's hand was providing stopped, when the blonde whipped her hand away to rub her fingers against her own temple.

"Fucking hell Em. If you weren't ready to talk to her you should have just told me and I could have spoken to her. She must have been worried sick."

"I know," Emily screeched, dropping the flannel to the floor and jumping to her feet. The sudden action caused Naomi to fall backwards onto the floor beneath her. "I know, okay? I just needed to get away. Her and my mum have always been close and I just thought she'd get to Katie and turn her against… against…" the red head broke off, finding herself unable to voice her fears.

"Okay, okay," Naomi cooed, struggling to her feet so that she could hold Emily close to her body. She rocked them both slightly whispering words of comfort and reassurance.

"That wouldn't have happened."

The two women turned to the doorway, hearts pounding in fright at Katie's sudden appearance. She took a few unsure steps towards the couple, suddenly stopping as if realising that she could be pushing her luck, especially with Naomi . Naomi's anger at the twin dissipated to be replaced with sympathy when she saw Katie nervously chewing at her bottom lip, looking anywhere except Naomi. Naomi freed her waist from a reluctant Emily's strong grip and walked towards the doorway, halting in her tracks when she reached Katie.

"I'll be downstairs if you need me Ems, okay?" Satisfied when Emily replied with a nod and an attempt at a smile, Naomi exited the room, before retracing her steps back to the doorway of her room. "You too Katie."

The surprised brunette half smiled and nodded her thanks, leaving Naomi grinning to herself as she walked down the stairs. It was one of the first occasions Naomi had rendered Katie speechless, and she considered that quite an achievement.

Naomi used her nose to follow the faint smell of smoke, which became a lot stronger the closer she got to the kitchen. Frowning, Naomi pushed the door open and noticed her once full packet of cigarettes were now a quarter of a packet. Upon seeing the back door slightly ajar, Naomi popped her head around the gap and pushed the door open fully so she could reveal herself to the cigarette thief.

"Since when do you smoke? I thought you'd given up," Naomi asked curiously, referring to the promise Effy made when Bethany was born. She had vowed to never touch another cigarette again. Then again she had also vowed to never take drink or drugs again, with the former promise only lasting a couple of months before being broken. Apart from the occasional smoke on a night out, the brunette had stuck to her word and even chastised Naomi about her habit from time to time.

"Yeah well, be thankful it's just a fag. You're lucky Katie only drove me to smoking and not murder tonight."

"In that case I AM thankful. I don't think Emily would be best pleased if you killed her sister, no matter how many times Katie slaps her."

The two friends sat side by side on the rickety, wooden bench, passing the cigarette back and forth after a couple of inhales each. Naomi used the silence swimming between them as an opportunity to reflect on the evening she and Emily had shared. She couldn't say that she hadn't enjoyed the evening as a whole if she disregarded the disaster that the restaurant had been. It wasn't that, that was bothering her. She just wished she and Emily could get a break from all of the drama and angst that seemed to hang over their time together like a gigantic rain cloud of doom. Tonight had been a perfect example. Just when it seemed as though they were making some progress, Katie had to turn up and piss on their bonfire that had taken so long to ignite. Naomi believed that Katie's actions, possibly even including the slap, were completely justifiable. She knew that had it been Effy who had gone missing after all of the troubles she'd had, she wouldn't hesitate in going to every place she could think of to track her down. If only Katie had timed her reappearance in Emily's life better, then they could have had one full angst free day for the first time in, well, ever. Whether it be Katie pulling Emily away from Naomi after their first kiss, or Naomi leaving Emily after their first night of love making. Their encounters always seemed to be tainted with some form of negativity.

Naomi sighed in frustration and grabbed Effy's wine, draining the glass of its content.

"You two can't get a break can you?"

Naomi blew out a puff of smoke in amusement, "I swear Stonem, after 8 years of knowing each other, it still scares me how you can read minds."

"It's not rocket science," she shrugged. "Besides, I can't always read minds. Thought I could read Cook's mind at one point, but turns out I was wrong."

"What are you on about Eff? You COULD read Cook's mind, that's how you knew he'd been cheating right? Well that and the fact he confessed."

Effy held her head up towards the star lit sky, and blew several smoke rings which never failed to impress Naomi.

"He _did_ confess, didn't he?" Naomi probed, her curiosity heightened by Effys answer of silence. "Effy?"

The brunette stood to her feet and marched into the kitchen, leaving Naomi to her thoughts once again.

"Women," she mumbled, shaking her head as she heard the cupboards slamming and glasses clanging against each other.

Standing to her feet, Naomi slowly ambled around the garden. Signs of neglect were starting to show, particularly with the lawn. At one point, it was kept on top of by Cook on a weekly basis so that it looked more like astro turf from a distance. Now however, it was starting to look like the Everglades. Herself and Effy were useless with a lawnmower.

It was the little things that were starting to cause Naomi to realise how much she hadn't appreciated everything Cook would do around the place when they were all a happy family. It was an issue that caused the rows between man and wife.

"_You don__'__t appreciate me Eff, neither of you do. I__'__m sick of being taken for fucking granted around here.__"_

Cooks voice echoed in Naomi's head, filling her with regret. She knew how much Cook loved and cared for Effy, and she always believed there was no excuse for his infidelity, but perhaps if things had been different. If they'd been more appreciative, maybe things would have turned out differently.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Effy smiled apologetically for her mini-strop. She held out a small glass of clear liquid and waited for Naomi to accept the peace offering.

"Penny for yours?" Naomi retorted, a triumphant smirk upon her face.

Effy sighed and sat on one side of Bethany's see-saw. Effy bounced herself slightly up and down on the cold plastic seat, using her slim legs to hoist herself up and back down again.

"The stars are bright tonight."

Naomi frowned at the unexpected statement and waited for her friend to continue.

"See those constellations there?" Effy pointed at a cluster of brightly lit stars. "They're known as the dog. James, I mean, Cook told me about them, just before he told me he didn't have an affair."

Naomi realised instantly what Effy was doing. She was surprised she hadn't realised it earlier. The see-saw had become their thing. Whenever either one of them found it difficult to talk, they would each give each other a tidbit of information with each bounce of the see-saw they took. Neither of them would pass judgement or even acknowledge the other had spoke. They would merely listen, staring upwards at the sky as they did so.

It had been years since they had carried out their nightly ritual, but without a moments hesitation, Naomi complied. She pulled the seat down until it was a height suitable for her to sit on. Realising it was her turn, she resumed the position that she was used to during times of strife and spoke.

"I don't know what to do. Whenever I'm with Emily, and it's just us two, I feel so fucking happy its almost criminal. And then something happens to throw a spanner in the works. I ask myself if it's all really worth it?"

"I still love Cook but I have to let him go. He's messing with my head too much which is ironic considering that's all I ever did to him. Mess with his head," Effy concluded, full of regret.

"So I ask myself if it's all really worth it. One look into Emily's eyes, one touch of her hand and whisper of her voice throws all of my doubts aside. Anything that's thrown our way can go fuck itself, because it's all worth it."

"I think of Freddie, Cook, Arsia and then it becomes clear. I deserve this. All of this pain. DNA tests, infidelity, fucking people around. Maybe this is my comeuppance, you know? Cook says he didn't cheat on me, that I pushed him away by accusing him all of the time. One day he'd had enough of the accusations and admitted something he didn't do. They now have a baby on the way because my unruly jealousy pushed him into her arms."

Naomi paused, stunned into a brief silence as she always was whenever Effy ever spoke more than a sentence about her own predicaments.

"I promised myself that I would never hide anything from Emily or deceive her again, and yet I have."

She threw herself off the ground, only find herself being lowered to the ground again. Frowning, she looked towards Effy, who was staring at her with quizzical eyes. She nodded her head to encourage Naomi to continue.

"I, uh," Naomi stuttered. "I tricked Emily into doing a Dine and Dash tonight, but really I'd paid for the meal and the drinks when she went to the toilet. I just wanted her to have some fun and distract her from how horrid the start of our date was. I'm now kind of regretting it though seeing as I left my phone in the bloody restaurant."

Both women giggled, completely disregarding the rules. The comparison between each of their predicaments completely different from one another.

"Oh what the fuck is wrong with us Nai?" chortled Effy, wiping a tear of laughter from her eye with her finger.

Effy came back to earth, literally with a bump when the other end of the see-saw became vacant. She winced and rubbed her behind slightly to soothe the slight pain from the sudden 2 foot drop to the ground.

"And that's for disregarding the rules of the game," Naomi chuckled. She stood over Effy, arms outstretched waiting for her to fall into them, which she did after some gentle persuasion.

Both women stood silently in the warm embrace, the only sound being that of a nearby owl. Several minutes passed before Effy was finally released from the strong hold that Naomi had on her. They stood opposite one another, both daring the other to break the silence swimming between them.

"It'll sort itself out Eff."

"Now who's breaking the rules," Effy grinned.

"Seriously," Naomi continued. "If you and Cook are meant to be it will happen. Baby or no baby."

Blue eyes met blue in an understanding, that only two best friends could have. They were both used to being at a crossroads in their life. Naomi for once knew the exact route she intended on heading. Effy, on the other hand, was another matter.


End file.
